Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Surviving September

September has me nearly ripping my hair out.  I thrive on the routine, structure, and adult conversation that going back to work brings BUT let's not forget that my full time job involves me being around a whole lot of kids most of the day.  Kids will eat your brains...or at least turn them into mush.


September is a crazy month as everyone slides back into their routines and adjusts.  As an extra add on bonus, Isabella is in Kindergarten which comes with meetings and homework and deadlines and a whole bunch of papers to sort through every single day.

My job in September is a verifiable crap storm.  I'm trying to acclimate 30 3rd graders who spent their summer forgetting everything they learned in 2nd grade.  I'm trying to get bulletin boards up, beginning of the year assessments graded, and answering a million silly questions a day (when I get to the bottom of my notebook page, should I turn the page?).

Plus trying to figure out how my workouts are fitting in (usually after bedtime) and getting Isabella back and forth to gymnastics and dance class.  Poor Arya doesn't have much in the way of goings on around here.  Although she does make everything interesting.

How are you surviving your September?

Monday, September 15, 2014

My Last Drop

Since I've been back at work I've really decided to put my foot down when it comes to weaning.  Basically the entire month of August Arya has had her head attached to my boob.  I was starting to resent her because it was just getting to be too much.  Too much physically, emotionally, and mentally. It was affecting me from spending time with Isabella because Arya was always wanting to nurse, plus she wasn't eating as much because she was just filling up on milk.

Now I know that the World Health Organization recommends nursing until 2, but I was ready to stop.  So once I went back to work after summer vacation it just seemed like the most logical time to stop.  She doesn't get bottles anymore, so when I would get home from work she would run to me on her chubby little legs and say "Nurse."  It was hard to tell her no because she's so innocent and sweet and I know it makes her so happy, but I swallowed my mommy guilt and just tried to redirect her.  It worked better than I thought.  There were a few tears and a few protests, but for the most part she was ok.

At this point we were down to just one nursing session per day.  Just the night time feeding.  Andy and I have been toying with ideas on when and how to drop it, since we're both pretty much terrified of Arya's sleeping habits (if you can call what she does sleep).  This week is a really busy week for me.  Parent-Teacher Conference (mine), PTA meeting (Isabella's), work happy hour, a birthday play (I hate weeks like this where there's something every single day!) so I won't be home for bedtime a few night, so we're thinking that this is the time to do it.

I nursed her to sleep tonight.  It was, more than likely (I never commit to anything) the last time.  I thought I would be relieved, and a part of me was, but there's also a slight sense of grief.

I will never nurse Arya again.  I will never nurse a baby again.  This part of my life is over.

I am no longer supporting Arya with my body.  With my heart yes, with my arms, yes, but not physically.  It's my last connection to babies and this era of childhood.  I'm so glad that I was able to do this for so long and that I was able to have this bond with her.  16 months, I nursed that baby for, and tonight I dripped my last drop.

I read an article called The Last Drop that summed it up in a way that I just can't.

Monday, September 8, 2014

Setting Goals

I've been thinking and reading about goal setting and I think it's important to set clear goals and think about the steps you need to take to achieve those goals.  And while this may not be so super interesting to you, I think it's good for me to get it down on paper.

Blog

1.  I'd like to transfer my blog from blogger to wordpress.  I plan on doing this by saving up the money I earn from writing to have someone make the switch.

2.  Write about more aspects of my life- pushing the limits and not writing about just what is "safe" or will get me the least amount of backlash.

Beachbody

1.  I'd really like to take my beachbody coaching to the next level.  I can do this by continuing to share my fitness journey.  Trying to run challenge groups and inviting people to try the products.  This is hard for me because I have massive social anxiety, even social media anxiety, but I'm really trying to hard to come out of my comfort zone because this is important to me.

2.  I'd like to become an Emerald Coach.  This means that I would have to sign two coaches myself.  Again, hard for me because I'm not very forthcoming.

Personal

1.  I'd like to start decorating my house the way I want.  I'll probably have to wait until Arya stops painting things with her yogurt.

2.  Calming the fuck down- I get really balled up and stressed out and I need to find a way to access some inner peace.

What are your goals?

Thursday, September 4, 2014

We Survived Kindergarten

What, what!  Isabella's first day of school was a total success.  She made three friends, she played outside, she loves her gym teacher, she made a craft, they read a story, a little girl tried to push in front of her on line, Isabella pushed her back, then they sat together at lunch.  Fun times!

She likes her teacher, so far none of the kids are fresh, and she got to eat lunch in the big cafeteria with the BIG kids (1st and 2nd graders).

If anyone needs me I'll be buried under a giant pile of paperwork.  Apparently kindergarteners require a lot of paperwork!

Please excuse the grainy cell phone picture, my mom took it and she's  kind of a dumb ass when it comes to these things.

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

The Night Before Kindergarten

Tomorrow is Isabella's first day of Kindergarten!  I know I said that I was ready and that I wasn't upset about this milestone, and I'm not, BUT tonight when I was tucking her into bed I did get a little emotional about the significance of this journey.

I'm not an emotional person when it comes to things like this.  I don't cry when packing up newborn clothes or lament the passing of bottles.  But this one got me a little bit.

Because she's big.  Because she's ready.  Because she's one step further away from me.  One step closer towards independence.  Because I'm a little bit worried.

There's such a fire and spark inside her.  She's so curious and loving and headstrong.  I hope she has a teacher who fans those flames and doesn't diminish it.  I hope she corrects her gently and encourages her creativity.  I hope she pays special attention to my girl, who is so quiet sometimes and so good that she can fade into the background.  I hope her teacher lets her shine bright.  You know...like a diamond.

I can't wait to hear all about her first day!  Hope all your kiddos are having a smooth transition back to school.