Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Roll Baby Roll

Since becoming a first time mom over 6 months ago I've let a whole bunch of stuff make me crazy. Sleep, or lack thereof, sniffles, rashes, temperature, crying fits. The one thing that I never was really crazy over was milestones. I always just figured that she'd do it when she was ready and if that was early great, if not no biggie. I mean eventually she'd sit up. How many 10 year olds do you know that need a pillow to sit?

For the most part she's hit her milestones on time. Smiling at around 5/6 weeks. Rolling belly to back at 3.5 months. Sitting up unsupported at 5.5 months...etc. However the one milestone she hasn't hit yet is rolling back to belly. No biggie right? I was never uber concerned with her hitting it anyway, until about 2 weeks ago.

Isabella has been sleeping on her tummy for about 6 weeks. However, in the past two weeks she has decided that it's tons of fun to roll over from her belly to her back in her sleep and then cries because she can't get back onto her belly. So Andy or I have to go in and flip her over. Then she goes back to sleep.

The kid needs to learn to roll from her back to her belly so she can get comfortable again and get back to sleep. Is there some sort of rolling over class that we can enroll her in?

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Christmas Pics

Check me out sitting up like a big girl.

I'm so excited for Christmas to come.

Mom always puts me in fancy berets!

It's a paparazzi Christmas

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Power Catch Up

Ok, so I've been a slacker blogger this month, but between Thanksgiving and Christmas I go into outright survivor mode. Shopping, Christmas Cards, wrapping, baking (or attempting to bake), calling family and friends, and cooking is enough to keep me busy but add in a full time job and a 6 month old to take care of I'm surprised I survived the season. However, it is my favorite time of year and every aforementioned holiday chore was pretty fun, except the baking because no matter how often I try to bake from scratch it doesn't come close to Pillsbury!

Isabella turned 6 months old and is sitting up for long periods of time without toppling. I think her max has been 25 minutes. She still won't roll from back to belly. She gets about halfway and then gets lazy and gives up. This wouldn't be a problem if she didn't roll over from belly to back in the middle of the night and then cry because she can't get back to her tummy. Silly kid. She's tried and liked almost all of the stage 1 fruits and veggies except bananas. Well actually she liked the bananas but they made her so constipated. We had to use the thermometer to help her along...so not fun.

Christmas Eve and Christmas were great. She was so well behaved and in such a good mood. She was way more into the wrapping paper then her actual presents which was cute. She made out like a bandit. Tons of clothes and toys. My house is upside down, but I'm off until Jan 4th so I'll have some time to get it in order.

I'll update pics when I get a chance, because right now the boss lady is not happy I've been on the laptop and am not letting her play!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Other People's Kids

I've written before on how I feel there's a lot of competition between mothers for milestones, sleeping, etc and for the most part I haven't bought into it (for the most part). However, I was at a cafe in Park Slope the other day with a friend enjoying a latte and I took a glance around and do you know what I saw...

Babies. Everywhere. Babies playing happily on their moms lap. Babies sitting quietly in strollers. Babies in wraps. Babies letting their moms chat, drink coffee, and type on their laptops. Do you know what I didn't see? Squalling, fussing, screaming, whining, children whose mothers were frantically trying to avoid the baleful glare of strangers and I thought to myself "Did these mothers drug their kids with some kind of baby Ambien?"

I was a bit jealous. These babies were so good. I wondered why not Isabella? Then it dawned on me, I haven't really tried. Sure we've gone places, out to dinner, out to breakfast, for pictures, to parties, but they didn't always go over so well so I always shied away and outings were reserved for things we needed to do, with the exceptions of walks which are daily.

So I manned up and tackled the outings of outings...the mall...at Christmas time. And do you wanna know something?

She was good as gold. Stayed in her stroller. Laughed at the people. Charmed the "HO HO HO" out of Santa. But when I did see a baby screaming in a stroller, there was no baleful glare, only a sympathetic smile.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Lonely Only?

A friend of mine recently asked me when Andy and I planned on having another baby. Once I quit choking on my hummus I really started to think about it. Do I even want another baby? I had always assumed that I would want to have a decent sized family, two or three kids. However, after experiencing motherhood first hand and remembering how difficult those first few months were, I'm not sure I want to go through that again.

It's difficult to imagine having Isabella out of diapers, sleeping in a bed, able to walk and talk and then starting all over again. It also feels like our little family is so complete. Plus, Isabella is such a demanding little thing, my little dictator, do I really need another boss? Additionally, I didn't love being pregnant. Some women do. I didn't.

On the other hand I don't want Isabella to be lonely. I grew up so close to my sister. We're still best friends. Although, my brother and I barely speak. But I don't want to have another child solely as a playmate for Isabella. I hate when people use this argument. Having a baby should not be because you want to give a present to your child.

I mentioned my thinking to Andy and he laughed. He told me that infancy was still to fresh in my mind to make a rational decision and that we didn't have to decide right now. Even if I do decide to have another, it won't be for years. I need to forget the sleepless nights and projectile vomiting and I need to save a bit more money as these little buggers are quite expensive.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Kindergarten Crybaby

Last week at work I was sorting through the Teacher Mailbox I keep in the classroom where the kids leave their worksheets, notes, and drawings for me to collect, when I came across a poem from a student in my class. He came to America from Uzbekistan when he was 6 and didn't speak a word of English. I remember his kindergarten teacher saying that he cried everyday for 3 months. This is the poem he wrote me.

Kindergarten Crybaby

I was 6 and scared
I was a Kindergarten Crybaby
People spoke in funny words
I couldn't understand
I was afraid
I couldn't tell them
I had to go to the bathroom
I couldn't tell them
I wanted to know when my mom would come back
I couldn't tell them
I was a Kindergarten Crybaby
Everyday I cried
Because I couldn't talk
But my teacher was kind
She never used a mad voice
Now I can speak
Now I can read
Now I am in the Eagle class
I'm not a Crybaby anymore

Seriously? How sweet is that. I copied it and gave it to his Kindergarten teacher. It's nice to know that you're doing something that matters, something important.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

A Giveaway

Bloggy Blog Designz is having a super Holiday Giveaway!!! They are giving away blog designs and all kinds of goodies. Plus ALL entrants will receive 25% off their purchase through the end of the year! Be sure to check out their website for more information, or to enter yourself. Take a look at their portfolio and packages to see what you want for Christmas ;) With 14 giveaways in all and a 25% discount, everyone is a winner! www.bloggyblogdesignz.com

Saturday, November 28, 2009


In pictures

Monday, November 23, 2009

Snags, Snafus, and Hiccups

The road to sleeping through the night is often a bumpy one. Days of progress and then a snag, weeks of success and then a snafu, months of sweet sleep and then the inevitable hiccup. The day before Isabella turned 4 months she started sttn. I'll tell you my secret...once she hit 2 months I told her everyday that if she didn't start sleeping straight through the night by the time she was 4 months old I would sell her on e-bay. She got my point.

Anyway, in the world of babies and mom's sometimes shit happens. When she's teething really bad, she might wake up and need a little Hylands teething tablet and a snuggle. When she was sick it was an out and out shit storm of night waking. Most nights she'll sleep from 7pm-6am no trouble (she knows she'd fetch a high price on e-bay and isn't taking the chance), last night we encountered a small bump in the road.

Isabella went to sleep at 7, as is her routine, Andy and I had dinner with my mother, watched Criminal Minds, read a little bit and then went to sleep. We were very rudely awakened at midnight with shrieks. Andy's was off so he took her. 5 minutes later he was back in bed. Easy. 1:30, howling. He got up again and this time he was back about 15 minutes later. He gave her some tylenol because he thought her teeth were bothering her. I don't like to give her tylenol unless she really really needs it, but I was too tired to argue. 2:45 and she's up again. He got up again, but I could tell that his patience was wearing thin. He rocked and shhhhh'ed her for 10 minutes, just to have her wake up at 4. This time I got her.

I'm not sure what's wrong with her. Teeth? Cold? Sore Throat (Andy and I both have one)? Pain in the butt? Who knows. Hopefully tonight will be snag, snafu, and hiccup free.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

5 Months Old

Ok, so I'm a terrible blogger, but this week has been pretty hellish...but more on this later. On Thursday my baby turned 5 months old! I can't even believe it.

She's still STTN, thank goodness, liking solids much better. Oatmeal is tolerable, but she loves her purees. So far she's had carrots, sweet potatoes, and squash. Next week...sweet peas. Here's her 5 month photo with a newborn pic for comparison.

So let's see what's up this month. Lots of rolling from belly to back, she's trying her hardest to roll from back to belly, but gets stuck about halfway through. When she does tummy time, she's starting to push up on her knees, which is crazy. I'm not ready for mobility! She laughs a lot and smiles a lot. She loves to play superbaby and get a kissy face. She's also been very clingy lately, especially to me. I guess this is the "mommy" phase I've heard of. When I leave the room she winges and wants me to hold her all the time. I love that she wants me because I work all week and don't get to spend a lot of time with her, but it's nice not to hear a crying baby when I want to use the bathroom!

She's actually been really sick, which is why the week was hellish. This cold made her first cold look like a day at the park. She was congested, her nose was runny, and she had a God awful cough. For 2 nights she couldn't sleep on her back, regardless if the mattress was elevated, so Andy and I took turns holding her. The longest she would sleep in her crib was 2 hours and even that was pushing it. Her eyes were all watery and red. I felt terrible for her. She's feeling better now, thank goodness, and is back in her crib. She still has a little cough and some congestion but she's feeling better.
This is probably the time when I'm enjoying her the most. She's so alert and responsive. Lots of fun to play with!

Sunday, November 15, 2009

What's With All The Guilt?

When that jello covered baby is ripped from your loins, s/he doesn't just leave an empty womb. They leave behind a big whopping ball of guilt. Now, I've felt guilty pre-baby. I've lied to my parents, told my friend her dress didn't make her look fat, and neglected to tell a stranger that she had lipstick on her teeth, but nothing compares to post-baby guilt.

Isabella loves her gym and her jumperoo. Like she goes ape shit when you put her in there. The problem is that she loves them sooooo much and I worry that she spends too much time in there and that I don't interact with her enough. So I sit on the floor and try to play with her while she's in there. Sometimes she takes pity on me and lets me and sometimes she's content to play by herself. But I can't help but feeling like I'm neglecting the poor child. Guilt.

I feel guilty for going to work. I have no choice in the matter. We couldn't afford to lose an entire salary. But I feel so guilty every morning when I have to leave her. Especially on the mornings where she doesn't wake up before I leave and I don't get to see her until 5 that night. I feel like I'm missing so much; like I can't be there for her. Guilt.

I feel guilty if I go out for a night either with Andy or my girlfriends. I feel guilty for leaving my mom with her again, even though she doesn't mind. I feel like I should spend all my time with her, even though my mother assures me a little time away makes for a saner mommy. Guilt.

I guess this is why mothers give their older kids such a guilt trip, it's all residual from their childhood.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Rules and Regulations

Before I became a parent I thought that I'd be the one in charge. I'd decide the rules, rewards, and consequences. Ha! Little did I know that when they brought out my teeny tiny baby girl that what I was actually getting was a teeny tiny dictator! Here are some of the rules and regulations according to one Ms. Isabella.

1. I will put myself to sleep at bedtime, but at nap time you can forget it. There will be rocking, ssshhhhing, and bouncing and lots of it.

2. Speaking of naps, I will keep them just long enough to take the edge off, but if you think you're getting more then that you're nuts.

3. I will peacefully drift off to sleep in your arms, but the second you put me in that crib I will wake up and smile. It will be cute the first time. The 5th time...not so much.

4. You will take me on lots of walks and I will be very good, but if you stop for more then a minute I will whine and fuss until we're back in motion.

5. I will eat my solids when I want and how I want.

6. When Mommy is working I will sleep until 7, but when she has a day off I will be sure to get up at 6 so she doesn't get too used to sleeping in.

7. I will let you hold me as long as you are walking but stop and I will push away from you like you've just been diagnosed with swine flu.

8. These rules are final and absolute. There will be no exceptions or substitutions. There will be no second chances. If you break these rules the consequences will include screaming fits, fussing, and general unpleasantness.

Looks like I have one tough little boss.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Fuzzy Around The Edges

I think I may have Alzheimer's Junior, which you may have heard as the phenomenon called "Mommy Brain". I was forgetful during pregnancy (Pregnancy Brain), but months of sleep deprivation will effect you in ways that are both funny and a little bit pathetic.

For example, Friday evening I get home from work and even though it's pretty cold outside I get Bella all ready for a walk. I put on her warm winter coat, thick socks, a fuzzy hat, and a furry blanket throw her in the stroller and start off on a walk. I'm walking for about 10 minutes when I realize that I'm freezing. I was only in my T-Shirt. I had forgotten my jacket.

About a week ago on a Saturday morning I was getting ready to go grocery shopping. I had my list and my coupons all set, all I needed was my keys. I tore my house apart. Looked in all the cushions of the couch, in the closet, in all my purses. No dice. My husband found them an hour later in the lock of the door. They had been there all night. Luckily no would-be-robbers were passing by.

About a month ago I was making bottles. I cleaned them, sterilized them, and put them in the fridge. Andy went to go make them and wanted to know why there was 10 empty bottles in the fridge. I had forgotten to put the formula inside.

Yet another way that babies cause their parents to lose their minds!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

My Darkest Hours

So if you're not familiar with Josiah's Mommy over at http://myconfessionsasafirsttimemom.blogspot.com/ (sorry not clicky, mac) you should really go check her out. She posted an incredibly honest post about her experience with PPD and even though I was never diagnosed with PPD I can relate to her experience and was inspired to share my own.

The first three months of Isabella's life was the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. She was fussy, wouldn't sleep, and would have screaming fits. I honestly wanted to give her back. I questioned the reason I ever wanted to have kids. I missed the life I had with my husband. I missed sleep. I missed my friends. I missed watching television. I missed showering! I can honestly say that at that point I regretted having a baby to begin with. I never wanted to hurt her, I just didn't enjoy taking care of her and I swore I would never have another child.

Every night I would work myself into a frenzy of anxiety because I knew there would be no sleep. I would cry every single day because I felt so unprepared for the demands of motherhood. I was consumed with guilt. Guilt over not being able to exclusively breast feed. Guilt about not wanting to be around her. Guilt over wishing I was childless again. I loved her, I was just so overwhelmed. I felt like she deserved better.

When I went back to work things were getting better sleep wise, although she was still up at least twice a night. However, every night at 5 o'clock (the second I walked in the door) she would begin her screaming fits. I would cry in the car before I had to walk in the door. I would pray for traffic so I could miss the fits. I felt like a horrible mother.

The worst part was not being able to talk about it. I told my husband and my mother but they just kept telling me I needed to relax and that things would get better. They made me feel crazy, even though I know it was unintentional. Andy would share in my frustration but he didn't understand why I was so extreme. I could tell the crying bouts freaked him out. So many mothers had difficult kids, but were still enjoying motherhood. I wasn't. I probably should have mentioned something to my OB, but I was so ashamed. I thought she would think I didn't love my child. I did. I was just going through something very painful and profound.

Things are better now. We started her on a bed time routine. She's sleeping. I'm happy again. She's thriving. And I can't imagine my life without her chubby cheeks and gummy smile. Even when she has a bad day or a bad night or a screaming fit, I'm ok. I can handle it. I never thought I'd get to this point but the past month and a half has been some of the best times in my life. I guess it's always darkest before the dawn.

I'm hoping I won't get judged too badly for writing this post. I'm just hoping that people will understand.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Halloween Story

There are a few things Isabella doesn't like: Christenings, solid food, and sleepovers. Let me tell you a scary Halloween story.

Saturday morning I woke up to coos and giggles. I looked at the clock and realized that it was 8:15! She slept for 13 hours. She's been STTN pretty consistently for the past 2 weeks, which I didn't write a celebratory post out of fear of the "I'll Make a Liar Out of You" reflex...scary stuff. So we proceed to take tons of cutesy Halloween pictures (see previous post) and she's tolerating it pretty well, but since she slept so long she's off her usual schedule so she didn't nap as much as she usually does...nap time is a nightmare to begin with anyway. We take her trick or treating in her little bunny outfit. ::dies:: and then get ready to send her off to grandma's so that Andy and I can get ready for our Halloween party, make that our GROWN UP Halloween Party.

I dress up as Angelina Jolie and he's a Rasta Man and the party is a hit. Everyone is drinking, eating, and having a great time. We played flip cup and Texas Holdem and I tied for first place in the Costume Contest. The party starts winding down and then the phone rings at 1:30 am.

Dun dun dun

It was my mother. "She's not having a good night over here. She hasn't slept more then 2 hours in her pack n play"

Oh shit. I'm half in the bag and so is Andy, however, my mother just happens to be a saint that lives only 5 minutes away. I usually just walk to her house. So she says, "Why don't we bring her over to your house and sleep over and you guys can sleep at ours?"

I'm down with a house switch. I wake up around 8 am (damn time changes screw with my head) and come home to a terrible report. She was up every hour! Every hour! Does she think she's a newborn. She's been cranky and irritable and fighting sleep all day. She only napped 2 hours total all day instead of 4.

I'm more terrified of tonight then any Halloween ghoul...stay tuned.

Halloween Pictures

My Girls I'm Anjelina Jolie

My little bunny!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

I Had a Rotten Day

You ever have one of those days that just sucks from the second you open your eyes to the second you close them? That was my day today. It all started from the moment my alarm went off at 6:10 because I heard rain. I didn't know it was supposed to rain. That can tack on an extra 30 minutes onto my already hour long commute.

So I get up and haul ass getting ready, but Isabella woke up and I couldn't pass up the chance to play with her a little bit because she was in a fine mood. So I finally drag my ass out of the house to sit in massive amounts of traffic. It took me 2 hours to get to work today and I made it in 2 minutes before the bell rang. Only to walk in my classroom and see a strange girl sitting there. I have a student teacher. Great.

Then my principal informs me that my Smart Board will be arriving today at the end of the day and to make sure the spot is cleared for it. Only the Smart Board arrives at 9:30 and is sitting in the middle of my classroom. So a coworker helps me move it and it's ginormous and I stub my toe on it.

Then I sit in 2 hours of traffic to go home because of a big accident on the bridge. I finally get home and my crazy aunt is over visiting with the baby and my mom. The minute I walk in she's already criticizing my parenting. Is the baby eating enough? How many hours do you wait between feedings? Oh she was a nightmare to get down for her nap today. Seriously lady I just battled traffic for 4 hours total and worked a full day and all I want to do is see my daughter and you're jumping down my throat? No one can look at my daughter's chubby face and even think she's not eating enough. I don't get people. Keep you're lame ass remarks to yourself before I start commenting on the state of your fat ass.

Now it's time for Bella's bedtime. I give her a bath, read her a book, bottle and instead of going right to sleep like she usually does, she proceeds to yell and cry and fuss. I walk and rock her for a while and then my mom comes up to give me a hand and Bella falls asleep the second I give her to my mom. That killed me. She didn't want me. That's been a big fear of mine since I went back to work, that my daughter won't want me or know me as well as my mom. I had to go into the bathroom and just cry because it hurt so bad.

Then Andy gets home and instead of relaxing together we have to run out and get Halloween costumes for our party on Saturday. I still have to go to two more stores after work tomorrow.
I'm just done. I've never been more happy to say goodbye to a day!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

My Daughter Is a Demon

No joke, she might be harboring an otherworldly demon behind those chubby cheeks. Today was her Christening. We were very worried because it took place right smack dab in the middle of nap time and apparently the Catholic Church doesn't feel that my daughter's very delicate nap schedule warrants a time change for all the Baptisms in the congregation...whatever.

So we dress her up like a little princess bride and she looks sweet as pie, but about 30 seconds after we get into the church she starts wailing. She was so tired, but was so interested in everything around her that she wouldn't sleep...just cry and cry and cry. Andy had to walk around with her the entire ceremony until he finally got her to sleep.

About 5 minutes after she falls asleep we have to bring her to the font for them to pour water on her head. Yeah, that went over like a ton of bricks. Starts crying again. Andy got her back down, 5 minutes later they anoint her forehead with chrism...crying. Back to sleep. 5 minutes later some crazy bib thing we have to put over her head...crying. Such a nightmare.

So we drive around for an hour with her because she falls asleep in the car seat. We get into the restaurant and she sleeps about another 30 minutes, so I'm thinking "Sweet" she'll be in a good mood. Which she was for about an hour and a half and then she just got so annoyed of being passed around like a hot potato, that I just took her outside and walked with her. Then my mom came to relieve me and my aunt to relieve her until at 6:00 I finally admitted defeat and took her home missing the last hour of the party.

She was so tired. I put her in a quick bath, in her jammies, and then bottle. She usually falls asleep when drinking her bottle but she was so overtired at this point that it took about 15 minutes of rocking to get her down. Poor kid. So here are some shots of her special day.

Little Miss Personality

Everyday Isabella grows more and more into herself and I'm noticing some distinct personality traits that are starting to form.

She's a chatterbox. Every night at around 3 am I hear her having deep meaningful conversations with the butterflies in her mobile. She must be asking them how they're day went. She'll give them advice for about 10 minutes and then go back to sleep. Hey if I don't have to get up she can hang with those butterflies all she wants. Also, every morning that's how she wakes me up. Not crying, just chattering to herself.

She's a little violent. She doesn't just bat at her toys, she beats the hell out of them. Whacking them all around like a mad woman. I'm going to have to teach her to be a little more gentle when she grows up or she'll be a real bully!

She thinks she's a big kid. She has no desire to ever just sit. She needs to be standing up. She also tries to hold her own bottle. She doesn't realize that her hands are still too little.

She's very tempermental. One second she's giggling and smiling, the next she is super pissed off. There's a 3 second window to avoid a meltdown.

The fastest way to get a giggle is to kiss her neck. This causes her father no end of worry. She also likes when you give her a zerbert on her belly, except for when she doesn't (of course).

She also has no problem entertaining herself. Sometimes she prefers it. I'll try to play with her toys with her and she'll fuss and get pissy until I put her in her gym by herself. It makes me feel really guilty because I feel like I should be playing with her and spending time with her and stimulating her, but sometimes she just want to play in that gym all by herself. So to make myself feel better I sit on the floor next to it, so at least she can see me.

She's a little quirky but she's getting more and more fun every day.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Choose An Identity

Whenever you comment on someone's blog in the little box at the bottom it says "Choose an Identity" and it made me think of all the identities we have and all the roles we play. Before I was a mother I was wild. I'd get dressed up every weekend and go out dancing with my girlfriends at trendy bars and clubs in Manhattan or I'd go see a play and grab dinner with Andy or maybe drop half a pay check on a shopping spree. My days were jam packed, coffee with coworkers after school, meeting up for happy hour with my girlfriends, sex in the middle of the day on the washing machine.

My life was good and I'd be lying if I said that part of me didn't wax nostalgic for who I was and the life I had (no need to add in the obligatory "but I love my baby so much" because it should be implied and if you don't think so that's your issue).

Things are very different now. I may still see 5 am on Saturday, but that's the time I'm waking up, not stumbling in. I may still grab coffee with coworkers but I'm mentally tallying up the minutes it's taking away from me spending time with Bella. I occasionally may still cut a rug at a hot night spot, but by 1 am I'm a yawning fool. And I still drop tons of cash on shopping sprees, but instead of pumps and skinny jeans I'm spending it on onesies, formula, diapers, and toys.

How do I reconcile the wild child within and the mom without? Who the hell knows. I'm just trying to be the best mother I can be while not abandoning who I am as a person. Sometimes I get jealous of the easy, carefree lifestyles of my girlfriends. It can be difficult not to resent them when I'm in my pajamas by 10pm on a Friday night and I get a phone call asking if I want to go out for a few drinks. Because I would like to go with them and spend time with them and live it up a bit, but every move I make now must be very carefully planned.

But I have something that they haven't got...in a few years, I'll have someone to set the table and do the dishes and they'll have to do it themselves so HA!

(If you thought I was going to say a sweet baby who loves me you don't get my humor at all!)

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

4 Months Old

My little girl is 4 months old. Well, yesterday she was 4 months old, but I had company so I was unable to blog. I can't believe how drastically my life has changed in 4 months. I remember when my Saturdays would end at 5am, not start at 5am!

We tried her on rice cereal yesterday for the first time and she wailed, like screamed her head off. So we're going to try again in a few days and see how it goes.

Andy had to take her to the doctor yesterday because she was crying all day and, while we figured it was teething, we just wanted to make sure it wasn't an ear infection or something else. Doc said she looks healthy and he told us what to do to help with the teething (tylenol, teething tablets, baby orajel, cold things to chew on). So hopefully things will get better in that respect soon. She weighs a whopping 17lbs! Chunka!

Here's her 4 month pic

And one of her in her superfly new raincoat, I like it because she's giving the side eye.

On another note, this is my 100th post! Holla! I was reflecting back on my blog and the whole pregnancy part was really puppies and rainbows. So not my style. I think I was feeling like I had to love being pregnant because it was inappropriate not to love being pregnant, but in all honesty I never really loved it. Sure there were parts of it I liked but on the whole it was really just a means to an end.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

The Mom Wars

So it seems to me that there's been some mom-on-mom crime going on. As women we should support each other and try to raise each other up. However, this is not the case. Women see each other as competition. Competition for men, jobs, even as moms. We even dress for each other (who else would envy my Betsey Johnson shoes?)

I've noticed this whole competetiveness thing with mothers a lot lately. It seems every interaction I have with another mother is either the flaunting of milestones as if they were trophies, attention whoring the fact that their kid is a "marvelous" sleeper and always has been, or trying to hide their kid's perceived inadequacies, "He'd sleep through the night if there wasn't a giant bumble bee the size of an SUV buzzing about in his room."

I understand as mother's we want to show off our children, but we should never do it at the expense of someone else.

For example, my cousin, my first cousin with whom I grew up with more like a sister, has a 2 year old. So in my sleepless desperation I asked her when her daughter STTN. She looked at me smugly and said "6 weeks." My daughter was 2 and a half months at the time and I was defeated because that meant I was the problem. That meant I was doing something wrong. Until I looked in her baby book (it's not a creepy spy kind of thing she let me look at it) and there in the section where you list all of your baby's first times in black and white:

First time sleeping through the night - 3 months

Liar! It doesn't make you a better mother or your baby a better child then mine because yours can sleep through the night/roll over/speak japanese/etcetera ad nauseum and mine can't/won't/hasn't yet.

Now I realize that not all mom's are evil smug wenches. For every braggart and "Supermom" there's a wonderfully supportive and genuine mother who will never make you feel less then you are.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Motherly Advice

We had a baby shower for a coworker on Friday and they passed out these little index cards where you're supposed to write out advice to the mommy-to-be, although how they think I could impart my wisdom on a 3.5 by 5 inch card is unfathomable. Here are a few of the tips that I would have liked to impart on the about-to-be mommies of the world.

Don't buy Miniwear clothes. They have no "give".

Don't compare babies. Some babies will roll at 2 months and others not until 4 months, some will sleep for 9 hours and others only 3. Your baby will hit their milestones when they're ready. Things have a way of evening out. So at 3am when you feel like you're losing it, just tell yourself that those "perfect" babies will be horrendous teenagers. (This may or may not be true, but it makes you feel better!)

You will cry. Sometimes more then the baby. You will cry out of frustration, happiness, sheer exhaustion, loneliness, and anxiety. It's ok to cry, don't try to hide it.

Be consistent. You may try one tactic to soothe your baby or help her sleep but it may not work right away. Give everything at least a week to see if it works before you abandon it.

Follow your child's lead. He or she will guide you into making the right decisions.

Don't be a hero. Take all the help you can get. Let you're mother-in-law, sister, friend, or neighbor lend a helping hand. They may not do things exactly the way you do, but that's ok.

Trying to clean your house while you have a baby is futile. The dishes will go unwashed, the floor unmopped, the clothes unwashed, but that's ok! Accepting that you can't do it all is fine. Take out and a few crumbs never hurt anyone. Do what you can and let the rest go. Because before you know it your tiny baby will be old enough to do the dishes himself!

A glass of wine at the end of the day can do wonders for morale.

Get out as often as you can. Time with your husband or friends sans baby will keep you sane and help you to appreciate your little one that much more.

Finally, disregard everything I just wrote. No one, not me (in my infinite wisdom), your mom, your doctor, or even your husband, knows what's best for your baby more then you do. People will be doling out advice left and right, much of it conflicting, if something doesn't feel right to you leave it be. All babies are different and what works for one might not work for another.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Adventures In Deswaddling

Well we did it. We have effectively demummified our little girl. After almost 4 months of swaddling to sleep, which worked like a charm, our little chunker was getting too big and too strong and was breaking out of it. She'd wake up like 3 or 4 times a night because she broke out of her swaddle and we had to reswaddle her. It didn't matter what kind of swaddler we used or how tight we bound her up, she'd always escape. We had had enough.

Wednesday we bucked up and psychologically prepared ourselves for a week or two of no sleep. That night did not disappoint. Instead of 5 minutes to get her down it took almost 30. Every time we put her in the crib her hands would fly up by her face and she'd wake up. We finally got her down at 7:30. She woke up at 8, 9:30, 11:00, 3:30, 4:45, and 5:15.

Sufficed to say I had to take off from work, Andy was already off. It was a bugging nightmare. But we did it together and we were not swayed.

Nap time on Thursday was easier. She'll take two short naps (30-50 min) in her crib and then a big 3 hour nap (1 hour in the crib and then 2 hours being held) it was harder to get her to sleep for those naps, but the times didn't change. She was super cranky on Thursday, but I expected that because who isn't nasty when they're running on no sleep.

Thursday night we mentally prepared for another night of hell. We got her down at 7, easier then the night before and she woke up briefly at 8 but we just kind of "shhhhed" her back to sleep for a few minutes. I went to bed at 10 and was still pretty darn scared she was going to wake me up so she could yell at me...and she did...but not until 3am! She had a bottle and was a little hard to get back down, it took maybe 30 minutes, but she went back to sleep until 5:30! We were making progress.

Friday night I went out to dinner with my girlfriends leaving Andy to fend for himself. I got a text message at 7:10 "Just got her to sleep, super easy." Excellent! I got home at midnight and she was still sleeping. She woke up at 3 for a bottle, pooped (which is odd because she usually doesn't poop in the middle of the night), and was back down at 3:30 and she slept until 6:30.

I almost shit my pants when I realized how long she slept. She just had one really crappy night and then came around. She still wakes up for that middle of the night bottle but I've completely abandoned all hope that she will ever sleep straight and am pretty happy with the way things turned out.

No more straight jacket baby for me!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Looks Like I've Made It

Sure Angelina Jolie was famous before Brad Pitt, but she really blew up once the tabloids snarked her as being a home wrecker. Jessica Simpson hadn't had a record in a while but everyone was talking about her when a papparazzo snapped a picture of her where she looked fat (which she is not). Looks like I've got my very own snarker. Here is the comment that was left by an anonymous poster on my gemini post.

"..still on with the complaining about your baby! i sure hope you arent planning on letting her read this when she is older... she will feel guilty as hell!"

Yay! Looks like I've pissed someone off. But since she (because you know this is a chick) is a scaredy cat and won't post under her real name so I can defend myself, I am forced to drag my dirty laundry into my blog. It's not that I mind snark, I actually appreciate it, but don't do it behind the guise of "anonymous" that's just lame.

I am not complaining about my baby, I am complaining about her sleep habits. When she wakes up 3 or 4 times a night and then I have to drive to work, work all day, drive home, make dinner, and start all over again it's exhausting. Am I supposed to be grateful for waking up at 2, 3:30, 4:00, and 5:00? If I came to your house and started screaming at you in the middle of the night I'm sure you wouldn't post a blog entry on how wonderful I was.
As for you hoping she doesn't read it...HA! Once this kid can read I'm going to print out this blog and wallpaper her room with it so she knows that even though she terrorized us for 3 and a half months, and counting, we loved her enough not to leave her in the woods to be raised by wolfs.

So there I said my peace, disabled anonymous comments, so you can go play with a puppy somewhere.

Monday, October 5, 2009

What's In a Sign?

I remember when I first told my cousin Lisa I was pregnant. After the squeals and hugs the first thing she asked me was my due date. I told her I was due on June 27th. "You better hope you don't go early," she said. She was the mother of two so I leaned in to hear her motherly words of wisdom.

"If you go early the baby will be a Gemini."
MmmmHmmmmm. Now I knew my astrological sign, but only as it pertained to the snipets in the back of Cosmopolitan Magazine and The Daily News. I never put much stock in them (So all single Cancers are going to meet a mysterious stranger at a party?").

I did wind up going early, 8 days early, and Isabella was born a Gemini.

I went to a party this weekend for my cousin Lisa's 4 year old daughter and she asked me how Isabella's sleeping habits were (This is the first question everyone asks and it is so terribly annoying). So I tell her that Isabella is like two babies rolled into one. There's my cooing, giggling, laughing, happy girl who sleeps 9-10 hours a night (with a mid-night feeding of course) and then there's the crying, yelling, red-faced, waking up every 2 hours, hard to put down, pain in the butt baby.

She looked at me knowingly and said, "Gemini."

I did a little research and this is what I found:

"The Gemini personality stands out as the zodiac sign that knows something about just about everything, making them good conversationalists and interesting acquaintances. They are inquisitive and quick to digest new information and ideas. Intelligent and logical, but with a lot of nervous energy, Gemini likes to keep busy and expand their horizons whenever opportunities arise, often multitasking between several interests. However, as the sign of the Twins, there is a dual aspect to the Gemini personality, making it difficult for these individuals to stick with any one thing in order to master it, and often making it difficult for bystanders to figure out which side their Gemini friend is really on. Gemini has more than one personality, which can change in a flash, and those near to them would do well to learn them both. On and off, up and down, back and forth, black and white, day and night, ying and yang - this is the essence of the Gemini personality.

For those with a Gemini child, get ready for a ride! These kids can be sweet, cooperative little angles one moment and infuriating monsters the next. Gemini children are very verbal and soak information in like sponges. They therefore tend to master the art of communication quite early, often displaying knowledge beyond their years. This is a high-strung child with a lot of pent-up energy, so don't be surprised if your 6 year old Gemini claims to have "tension headaches" or other physical complaints beyond his years. The Gemini child will not particularly like the rigors of school, but it is likely that he will know to turn on the charm to bluff his way through parts of it. Though he has the intellect to excel in school, it's just not in little Gemini to follow things through to completion, so he will rarely be at the top of his class. Giving him a rich environment at home will help offset this, so be sure to introduce him to nature, sports, music, and reading early on, and also provide stimulation via computers and video games to help broaden his exploratory nature and hold his interest. Gemini kids seem to have a conflict between emotions and intellect, and this can manifest in a variety of ways, often in strange eating habits. Your Gemini might love only red jelly beans or want peanut butter on bread with no jelly and nothing to drink. If you ask about this type of thing, he will blithely tell you that the red ones give him strength or that he has exceptional salivary glands - in his own mind, he is perfectly justified in his choices regardless of how absurd they seem to everyone else. Your best bet is to keep the multi-vitamins handy for these little ones! With regard to other family members, Gemini will entertain and delight and generally get along fine with everyone, unless someone comes along that takes away his limelight, such as a younger sibling. In this case, your little Gemini may turn into a tormenter of this sibling for years to come, and this can be very difficult to control."

Is there a cure for Gemini?

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Simple Truths

There are a few things that hold true across gender, creed, and race. It's kind of like the universe's way of keeping us all in check.

Your kids will find a way to keep you tired. Whether they are waking up all night, crying as soon as the coffee hits the cup, or they get sick and keep you up worrying. Don't worry though, one day they'll have kids of their own and they'll reap what they sowed.

Given the choice between an apple and an ice cream sandwich, the ice cream will win every time. If not, we can't be friends.

Your child will wait until you have just showered and put on clean clothes until s/he decides to spit up all over you. Additionally, they will wait until they are freshly changed with a clean diaper before they poop (Ok, so this might only be my daughter, but it makes me feel better to think that other people's kids are messing with them too).

Despite my best intentions to eat right and exercise, starting every single Monday, by Friday I'm eating ice cream out of the carton and drinking wine out of the bottle.

Such is life.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Counting My Blessings

So I've had a pretty tough week. Isabella was on a great schedule for about 2 weeks (she'd go down around 7:30, wake up to eat at around 3am, then sleep until 6 ish), then for no reason whatsoever, she started fighting her sleep at bedtime and would wake up at 2 and then every. hour. after. Andy and I were like zombies for 3 days straight. I couldn't focus at work and fell really behind on my paperwork. I was up to 3 cups of coffee just to make it through the day and was in tears before bed because I was terrified of what the night would bring. Last night was better, she only woke up once even though it took us almost an hour to get her to bed.

However, I hate feeling like Johnny Rain Cloud. All of this negative energy is really starting to get to me because I'm not usually like this. So I decided to bring a little sunshine into my life and talk about the things that I'm grateful for:

I'm very lucky to have a healthy baby. The no sleeping sucks but it could be a million times worse. I don't have to go to sleep tonight wondering if my baby is going to wake up in the morning. She has a full life ahead of her and that's what it all boils down to. She's not in and out of hospitals. She's home with people who love her.

I'm so blessed to have my mom watch her or Andy when he's off during the week. A lot of people have to either lose a salary and stay home or pay for daycare and I feel so lucky that I don't have to. I know her needs are being met and she's with people who care about her and would never hurt her. And the best part is it's free.

I'm grateful to have a job. So many people are losing theirs or getting pay cuts and we don't have to struggle at all. We don't live like rockstars, but we're comfortable and we're able to give back whenever we can.

I'm lucky Isabella is completely covered on both of our insurances. I hear horror stories about insurance bills and I don't have to worry about that. I paid a $200 hospital fee and that was it.

Sometimes I get down, which I've forgiven myself for, and sometimes I complain, which IMO is necessary sometimes because if I don't vent I eat and get fat and no one wants that, but I have a lot to be grateful for. I'm very blessed in many ways.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Things That Grind My Gears

Since I'm so crabby today (huge work load, lots of traffic, and a still congested baby) I've decided to unload here all of the, unrelated, things that get under my skin.

When waiters try to be all cool and don't write down your order and then mess everything up and forget your side of Honey Mustard dressing. Write it down! Don't be a hero.

Sandals with socks. I'm assuming here I don't need to elaborate.

When Andy tries to be the boss of me. "Take a shower now so we can watch TV" "Can you make dinner now because I'm really hungry" "Put the book down so we can talk". I'm the boss of me!

When people fish for compliments. You know you're skinny/pretty/smart/funny, no need to pretend otherwise. Own it.

People who have babies that consistently sttn. Yeah, I'm a bit bitter but I'm working on it.

Those people who stand in the middle of the mall and try to get you to buy some magic potion that came out of the Dead Sea. I'm not interested in your hokey pokey skin junk or your nail buffer.

When I explain the directions to an assignment to my third graders 5 times in explicit detail and then one kid raises his/her hand and says, "What am I supposed to do?" You're supposed to listen to me the first 5 times!

I feel better now.

Saturday, September 26, 2009


Ok, so there are some reflexes that babies are born with that help them survive, like the sucking reflex, I get it. There also born with the startle reflex, which I'm sure serves some purpose in the greater scheme of things, but all it seems to me to do is wake up a perfectly sweet sleeping baby. But I bet you may not have known that babies are born with other reflexes too, although you may not find them in any textbook.

There's the "Out of Arms" reflex. This is when your baby is just about ready to go to sleep in your arms or is already in a deep sleep and you ever so gently place him or her into the crib and their eyes fly wide open. I live in fear of this reflex.

Don't forget the "Sitting Down" reflex. This is when your baby fusses every time you sit down but coos and giggles as soon as you stand up. It doesn't matter how you hold them or rock them, if you're sitting down that baby is pissed off. Why do babies care if you're sitting or standing? As long as you're playing with them or soothing them it shouldn't matter.

Then there's the "Dinner's Ready" reflex. This is when the baby starts to cry or fuss or become hungry the second that dinner is ready and you sit down to eat. You may also know this reflex as the "Just Sat Down" reflex or the "Just Got Undressed to Get In the Shower" reflex or "Starting to Blog" reflex.

And finally there's the "I'll Make a Liar Out of You" reflex. This is when you proudly tell a stranger how your baby never spits up and then she spits up all over the place. Or when you complain to your mother how difficult it is to get the baby down for a nap when she promptly konks out.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

You Know You're a Mom When...(2nd Edition)

  • You have a winter bush in the summertime (my lady bits are a hot mess right now).
  • When faced with the decision to take a shower or go to bed 15 minutes earlier, sometimes early to bed wins out. This means that somedays I go to work dirty and stinky.
  • You've worn your hair in a ponytail for the past month and now your head has a dent in it.
  • You won't wear any of your nice clothes because they'll just wind up drooled/spit up/or pooped on.
  • You can't finish a blog post because you're interrupted by cries...gotta go.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

My E-Friends

Well over a year ago (almost a year and a half if my foggy brain serves me right), when Andy and I first started TTC I happened upon the GP message board on The Bump and met some of the most awesome girls that I've ever had the privilege of knowing, IRL or otherwise. Over the past year we've shared so many aspects of our lives, getting pregnant, surviving pregnancy, going through labor, and having our babies (for the most part), but not only that. We've talked about our husbands, friendships, work, we've never met but I want to take a minute to tell each one of them why they are so special to me, because they deserve it.

Bee- We were BFPB and we basically went through our entire pregnancies together. I know that whatever question I have you always have an answer for me, because you're so stinking smart. You're so sweet and I always feel comfortable to vent to you.

Pink- I love how you always keep it real and have no problem telling it how it is. I admire how open you are. I love that I can complain about Teacher's College to you.

Lea- I admire your honesty and your strength. You went through a lot with your pregnancy and delivery with Brody Bear but you kept your sense of humor and I think that a lot of other women might not have. I think we would have a blast if we hung out IRL.

Kit- You are snarky and spunky and I love you. You've overcome so much and often when I'm at my lowest I think of how you kept your shit together and I keep on trucking.

Lady- You're just so pretty! But also very sweet and funny. You can always make me laugh. I always think that you're such a genuine person.

R's- You saved my nipple from Facebook! I owe you big time. I think you're super smart and witty. I give you a lot of credit for working, going to law school, and being a mommy. I know it can't be easy but you really seem to handle it with grace. Now get your ass back on the ship b/c I miss you!

Jessie- I think you're super loyal and very sweet. You are very thoughtful when it comes to cards and little gifts. It's always nice to hear from you.

Abc- It's been a rough road sometimes but I'm glad that I know you. You're very strong willed and I couldn't be happier that you're KTFU!

And as an aside, my blogger friend Neuffj gave me a very sweet award so go check her out http://neuffj.blogspot.com/

Monday, September 21, 2009

My Poor Baby Is Sick

So for the past couple of days Isabella has been really out of sorts, crying, not napping well and waking up a lot at night. She doesn't usually cry a lot, except when she's tired or hungry. It's very rare that she screams for most of the day. I just assumed that it was either a growth spurt or that God was getting back at me for cheating on my science test in third grade (sorry about that), but Saturday night I could hear how congested she would and she wouldn't sleep more then 30 minutes on her back so I let her sleep upright on me that night while I kind of slumped on the couch.

Sunday morning she was still really congested and really cranky so we called the doc and the one I don't like in the practice wound up calling back (maybe that was my payback for my third grade cheating), but whatever she told us what to do, which unfortunately wasn't a whole lot. I was expecting her to tell us to rush right into the dr's office and she would give us some miracle medicine that would make my poor, congested, crying baby be comfortable again.

But no, we were told to buy saline drops, baby vicks, prop up the mattress with a crib wedge or a pillow, sit in a steamy bathroom for 15 minutes, and try to help her get as much sleep as possible (I should've given her a link to my blog because I almost laughed when she said this).

Isabella DOES NOT like saline drops up her nose and I can't say that I blame her. But she's in better spirits and she's getting some solid sleep at night and a few decent naps. The doc said it should clear itself up in 7-10 days and in the meantime I should look out for a fever and ear pulling.

Hopefully this will pass soon.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

3 Months Old

My baby girl is 3 months old today. We may be going through a rough patch, but my gosh is she beautiful! There's so much that I've learned and things have changed so much.

She's gone from sleeping 3 hours at a stretch at night to 6-10 hours a stretch. Marvelous. She's still a crappy napper, but I'm working on it. I've learned how to function on much less sleep which is amazing to me. I no longer feel like a zombie.

My little chunker has gone from drinking 1.5 ounces to 5 ounces! She's sadly gone from breast milk with a formula supplement to only formula. This change is something I'm not happy about but since I'm out of the house 11 hours a day for work my supply plummeted. She's doing well though and she's happy so that's all a Mom can ask for.

All of her Newborn and 0-3 months have sadly been put away, either to save for baby #2 (if we decide to ever have another one) or for hand-me-downs or donations. She's in 3-6 now. It's not too bad though, her Fall and Winter wardrobe is fabulous.

She's much more active during her awake periods now. She smiles and coo's and plays. She loves when I make silly faces and cracks up at the book Goodnight Moon. She loves gym time. Tummy time is still her mortal enemy though. She refuses to do it. She just lays her head down and kicks her feet. Stubborn little girl!

I can't wait to see what the next month brings.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Polly Pissy Pants

That's Isabella's new nickname. I get glowing reports from my Mom and Andy all day, but the second I walk through the door it's fuss pot city. From what I read, babies have a fussy time in the day and hers just happens to be at 5:00pm. It's so difficult to sit through tons of traffic, work my ass off all day, sit in more traffic to come home to a crying baby. It's really beginning to take a toll on me. It's almost to the point that I hope for traffic so she's napping by the time I come home so I can decompress and not be a balled up wreck.

It's not the sleeping that's bad anymore (and I never thought I'd say that! I better not live to regret it). It's the going to sleep. Rock, suck, rock, suck until she's sleepy, put her in the crib...wide awake. Repeat, repeat, repeat ad nauseum. And now she's on this new kick where 30 minutes after bed time she's up and needs to be rocked back to sleep for an hour.

I've tried reasoning with her: "Listen I know you're tired, just close your eyes and go to sleep. I'm not keeping you up."

I've tried bribing her: "If you just stay asleep I'll buy you a pony I swear it."

I've tried threatening her: "If you don't go to sleep I'm gonna show all of your boyfriends your naked baby pictures and drive you to school in hot rollers and pajamas."

Apparently she doesn't scare easily.

I'm not abandoning my No Cry Sleep Solution plan though. I feel like every time I hit a snag I give up and try something else. Not this time. I've only been doing it for 12 days and have already seen big improvements that don't involve Crying it Out. I'm gonna stick with it so help me God. Eventually this kid will STTN on a consistent basis because I'm just not strong enough to rock a teenager to sleep.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Take What You Can

I've read The Happiest Baby On The Block, Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child, Jo Frost's Confident Baby Care, The No Cry Sleep Solution, and The Baby Book. I swear if you put all of those authors in one room you'd get different advice and different opinions from each one of them. It's enough to drive you batty.

This is what my plan is. Listen to what each one of them have to say, follow what feels right and makes sense and toss what doesn't sit well with you. If I had to pick my favorite it would be The No Cry Sleep Solution because I feel like the author has been there and she knows how hard it is. Since I've put those ideas into practice things have gotten a lot better. Last night she even slept through the night for the first time. 8-6! I feel like I have to AW now while I have the chance!

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Chicks Lie

I'm sorry but it's so true. Every father of a baby that I speak too, which is basically anyone who looks like they have a baby, have a baby in the family, or might have been a baby at some point, (hey I'm on a quest here) will tell me horror stories about how their kid didn't sleep through the night until they were 6 months or how they cried for hours and hours on end or how it took the Roman army to get their kid to sleep at night or how they swore up and down that they would never have another baby.

However, when I ask their wives or girlfriends, or just a random mom in general I get the same response. "Oh, my little one sttn by the time s/he was six weeks old." Really? So all of your babies sttn without a problem or a peep? Interesting.

I get why they do it. I'm sympathetic to their cause. They feel that if they can't get their baby to go to sleep and stay asleep that they are bad mothers. Or they want to make other mothers feel inadequate or jealous (that's only for the meanies out there).

I've never felt the need to lie about Bella's sleep or lack of sleep or the trauma it takes to put her to sleep. It doesn't make me a bad mother! It makes her a bad baby ;)

But if I'm counting my blessings, since I read The No Cry Sleep Solution, things have gotten a lot better. She'll go down around 7:30/ 8:00 and sleep until 6 or 7 am waking up once for a bottle around 2 and maybe around 4 to be soothed. It's not perfect, especially when Andy and I are both working or when he's on midnights and I'm flying solo, but this is the stage that we're at right now. It's just so damn difficult to get her to sleep. Walking and rocking and sucking forever. I'm trying to break her of that suck to sleep association, but it aint easy let me tell you. See, I told you I wasn't scared to tell the truth. The great thing is is that she doesn't really fuss or cry except at bed/nap time or when she's hungry. She'll never fuss or cry for no reason. Which I'm very grateful for.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

The Inner Voice

"I'm so fat!" "My skin is disgusting." "This outfit makes my hips look huge." "I look like a transvestite." "My hair is so flat." These are the words verbatim that echoed in the hotel room I shared with my friends for my cousin Christie's birthday. Each girl looked at herself in the mirror and began to berate and humiliate herself as she scrutinized each angle and exacerbated every minute flaw.

My friends are beautiful, intelligent, successful, and somewhat nice (at least to people they like, but that's a post for another day). But they never say that out loud or, I'm assuming, to themselves. I'm guilty of this too. I can't tell you how many times I've passed by the mirror and put myself down, especially post baby.

Why are we so mean to ourselves? We'd never tell our friend that she's a fat ass with ugly hair and cottage cheese thighs would we? Could you look your mother, sister, best friend, boss in the eye and tell them that their stomach was flabby and their boobs saggy? Probably not, but women continuously put themselves down.

Take a second today and be nice to yourself.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Acceptance and a Little Positivity

I think what I need to do is just accept that Isabella is a tiny little person, an infant who wakes up a lot. To eat, to be soothed, whatever. She's not supposed to be sleeping 12 hours a night (although if your kid does this you are mighty lucky). The truth of it is, most babies don't STTN and I've accepted that. Is it fun? No. Is it frustrating? Yes. Am I tired? You betcha. But when push comes to shove, I'm her mother and mothering doesn't stop at bedtime.

Eventually she will sleep. It might take a while, but eventually she will STTN and if not, she'll eventually get married and it'll be her husband's problem to swaddle and rock her to sleep.

No matter how sleepy I am, how could you not love this face

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

There are Good Days and Bad Days

And good nights and bad nights. It seems like we're in the middle of a bad stretch. Isabella went from sleeping 6-8 hours a nap and taking several hour naps in the daytime to sleeping 4.5 hours and fighting every nap. It's just really frustrating because I know she's capable of sleeping longer she just won't. I've tried upping the amount she gets in her bottle, I've tried mylicon drops, I've tried begging God and bargaining with the devil. I always said I was anti cry it out, but if this doesn't resolve, once she's four months and able to self soothe, I think I'm going to have to reconsider.

I don't understand what's wrong with her lately. She gets herself so overtired that she just cries and cries and I feel so bad for her. Thank God my mom lives close so when Andy is working she can come over and we can take turns trying to soothe her. Here's hoping to better days ahead.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Things Change

When I got pregnant I knew that life was about to change, what I didn't realize was how much it was going to change. I obviously knew that my sleeping habits would change. Gone are the days of grabbing my purse and going. Now it's: Wait for the baby to be fed and changed, pack up the diaper bag, get the car seat ready, and hope she's in a good mood.

What I didn't realize is just how much my relationships would change. The first few weeks my friends would call and send well meaning text messages and e-mails to see how Isabella and I were doing, but those have gradually tapered off. I've seen my close group of friends for dinners and such, but I've been seeing on facebook that they've been getting together and not inviting me. I understand that I probably couldn't or wouldn't want to go to everything any way, but it still bothers me that I wasn't even considered. I had a baby I didn't die and neither should my social life.

My life is different now. I'm different now. But a part of me is sad, almost mourning, for the person I was before I was a mother. Not saying that I would give up this life for my old one because life without Isabella is no life at all. But I'm slowly realizing that I can't have the life I had before and have a baby. My friends will always be my friends, but it's different then it was before. Our relationships and interactions are different. It's lonely sometimes.

Life is changed in so many ways. Some are so wonderful and others are more difficult. I'm trying to reconcile who I was with who I am, but it's hard to let go.

Friday, August 28, 2009

I Think I'm Officially Desperate

Isabella was in such a great sleeping pattern. She'd take a few hour long naps everyday and then sleep from 9-9 with one feeding at 4am. It was perfect. However Wednesday night she slept for 4 hours and then woke up every 3 like clockwork. Last night she slept for 4 hours and then woke up every HOUR. I was ready to pull my hair out.

I'm not sure if I can blame this on a growth spurt. I know you're not supposed to compare babies, but so many other's have little one's who slept through the night way before this. I don't know what else to do. I wish someone would just tell me how to get and keep her sleeping. I go back to work in 12 days and I have a long commute. I'm seriously worried that I will fall asleep at the wheel if this continues.

I'll take any advice, except cry it out.

Oh and if one more person tells me that this will pass I'm gonna lose it.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

In My Mother's Eyes

Dear Mom,

The first time I looked into your eyes they were red rimmed and bleary from the fatigue of labor. They were brimming with tears. Tears of pain, fear, anxiety, but most of all unconditional love and amazement at what they had created. Over the next few weeks your eyes continued to tell your story. I could see them glinting with worry. Was I eating enough? Sleeping enough? I saw more tears spill out of them out of frustration and a sense of being more overwhelmed then you ever thought possible.
I saw your eyes come alive as I smiled at you for the first time. Every time you look at me I can see that love and hope for the future and what I will become. I may not be able to tell you now, but when you see that flash of recognition flash across my eyes, know that I love you.

Monday, August 24, 2009


Today Isabella had her first shots =( It was so sad. My poor baby girl had no idea what was coming. After the first shot her face scrunched up and she let out a wail that was unlike anything I've ever heard. It was heartbreaking. I cried a little too. I thought I wouldn't want to see it, but I didn't want to leave her there so I toughed it out. However, I do have to say that once it was over, she was ok. She calmed down and I even managed to get a little smile out of her when I was getting her dressed.

We're giving her tylenol every 4 hours but about 15-20 minutes before her next dose she'll cry a lot. It hurts me more then it hurts her I'm sure. No mother should have to listen to their child cry like that. It goes against nature.

On another note, my little girl isn't so little. 13lbs 8oz and 24 inches. Better too chunky then too skinny. She's been sleeping most of the day now.

Isabella sleeping on Grandma

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Getting To Know You

Isabella is growing up so fast and she's quickly forming her very own personality. She likes to be held and snuggled only to a degree and then she likes to kick back in her boppy and hang, but she wants you to still talk to her. I think she's going to be independent.

She likes what she likes. She won't take a pacifier. Seriously, when you put it in her mouth she scrunches up her face like you just gave her rat poisoning. She won't suck on it, she just kind of plays with it in her mouth and then gets super pissed off. What she will suck on is an upside down pinky (a tip from an LC at the hospital). So she loves to suck but only on my pinky, which is terribly inconvenient.

She loves mobiles of any kind and will stare at them as long as you let her.

She's not into lullabies and classical music. She likes Michael Jackson and various other pop songs. She's gonna be very hip.

She loves the water. The bath and the pool. Bath time is my favorite time of day. Andy actually asked me if he would ever get to give her a bath ever again. I haven't decided yet.

My little girl is becoming her very own little person and I love getting to know her.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

2 Months Old!

So this post is one day late but I had family over yesterday for a game night and I didn't have time to post Isabella's 2 month birthday pic, but I did remember to send out a picture message! I can't believe it's been two months already. What changes these past months have brought. Great changes: smiles, coos, and snuggles and not so great changes: loss of sleep, poopy diapers, and spit up. It's definitely been a roller coaster! We took her to the pool yesterday for the first time and she loved it. She splashed around and smiled. My cousin, her husband, and their 18 month old daughter were there too and it was lots of fun to see the girls together because I know that our families will do a lot of fun things together.

I take Isabella for her 2 month check up and shots (YIKES) on Monday so I'll update her stats then, but I'm sure she's a chunker as is evident by her multiple chins and thunder thighs. I was looking at the videos we took of her on her first day home and she was so tiny. I can't believe how big she's getting and how fast it's all going. I wish I could slow it all down, well except the nighttime, that I wish I could fast forward until she was sleeping through the night. Although, I'm sure at some point I'll look back at the night waking with nostalgia.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Oh What a Night!

My sister Meaghan, my friends Brooke and Rosa all went to the O.A.R concert at Madison Square Garden last night and Andy was on baby duty. It rocked! We were sitting in a luxury box which means free food and beer. Afterwards we decided to go for drinks, although we were already half in the bag. Now I grew up in the city so I'm used to the subway, ya know, metro cards, turn styles, trains that run every 15 minutes. However now that I live in Jersey we had to take NJ transit which runs on a schedule. So our options were 1:40 am or 5:15 am. 1:40 is a little earlier then a night out usually winds up to be but we were really out of options.

So after two hours of jolly rancher shots, good music, and terrible dancing Meaghan and I said goodbye to our city dwelling friends and hauled ass to Penn Station to catch our train. However, we couldn't find the track that we needed to be on and we missed it!

Running in heels is no fun.

What were we gonna do? The next train wasn't for hours. So I called Andy to tell him that I would be taking a $100 taxi home. He told me to call my mom and if she would watch Isabella he would come and pick us up. My poor mom....thank God she lives close. I woke the poor woman up out of a dead sleep and she went to watch the baby.

So Meaghan and I are outside Penn waiting for Andy. It's only a 40 minute drive so after an hour pass we start to worry and we call him. He's stuck in traffic at the Lincoln Tunnel. Seriously. Traffic at 3am! So we wait and wait and wait. Finally at 4am he gets there. They had the whole thing shut down b/c of an accident. I didn't get home until 5am! FML

Friday, August 14, 2009

Operation Skinny Me

I was thumbing through a fashion magazine, which I usually don't do because of two reasons:

1. Those models are too darn skinny and I don't like to hold myself to that unrealistic airbrushed standards
2. The clothes they wear are way too expensive for the combines salary of a third grade teacher and a cop.

However, my sister left one at my house and against my better judgement I decided to look through it and I have to admit, it inspired me. Those skinny little waif girls in their Jimmy Choo's and BCBG dresses made me realize that I need to get my rear in gear if I ever want to get out of pants with elastic waist bands.

So I've made a command decision to get fit and healthy. When I was pregnant, and well before, I ate organically, I was vegan, I exercised regularly, I wore nice clothes (although now I'll just settle for clean clothes), I felt good about myself. Since I had the baby I've gone hog shit wild and have been eating things that aren't healthy for me, I've reintroduced dairy into my diet, and the only exercise that I've done is haul Isabella's chunky butt up and down the stairs.
So no more processed foods, I'm going back to vegan (dairy doesn't agree with me anyway, and I felt really guilty eating it b/c of the standards of the dairy industry, but that's another post all together), more fruits and veggies, more water, and whenever I have time exercise.

It's not just about losing weight and looking good, but really about committing to a healthy lifestyle so I can be a good example for my daughter. Although it would be nice to banish these maternity pants for good...or at least until I'm expecting again.

I'll update my progress and set backs. My goal right now is to lose ten pounds and tone up a bit. Let's see how I do.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Getting My Groove Back

Ok so let's get a little down and dirty today. After my my doctor cleared me for sex Andy and I were ready to go, but I was a little bit nervous. After all, it had been 7 weeks since there was anything going on down there and maybe even longer because my baby brain can't remember when we last had pregnant sex, not that third trimester sex is hot in any sense of the word. If you don't believe me hold a watermelon against your belly when you're trying to bump uglies.

So anyway, I'm planning on going back on birth control pills even though they wonk out your cycle, but I can't start taking them until I get my period so our method of choice was condoms. Yuck! I hate the way they feel and the way they smell, but what's a girl to do? I am in no rush to have another baby so you do what works.

So the first time after baby was a little nerve wracking because I was scared that it would hurt or that it wouldn't feel the same (I mean after all a 7 pound child came out of there). It did hurt a little bit but I think it was because I was so tense and the condom was uncomfortable for me. We actually stopped halfway through to lube up a bit.

Sex after baby is a whole new thing...it's gotten much more enjoyable, but it's a lot of planning now. No more spontaneous quickies on the washing machine. The baby needs to be fed, changed, and in a deep sleep before any shenanegans take place. It really is a whole new world, but at least it's one where sex exists again