Thursday, October 22, 2009

Choose An Identity

Whenever you comment on someone's blog in the little box at the bottom it says "Choose an Identity" and it made me think of all the identities we have and all the roles we play. Before I was a mother I was wild. I'd get dressed up every weekend and go out dancing with my girlfriends at trendy bars and clubs in Manhattan or I'd go see a play and grab dinner with Andy or maybe drop half a pay check on a shopping spree. My days were jam packed, coffee with coworkers after school, meeting up for happy hour with my girlfriends, sex in the middle of the day on the washing machine.

My life was good and I'd be lying if I said that part of me didn't wax nostalgic for who I was and the life I had (no need to add in the obligatory "but I love my baby so much" because it should be implied and if you don't think so that's your issue).

Things are very different now. I may still see 5 am on Saturday, but that's the time I'm waking up, not stumbling in. I may still grab coffee with coworkers but I'm mentally tallying up the minutes it's taking away from me spending time with Bella. I occasionally may still cut a rug at a hot night spot, but by 1 am I'm a yawning fool. And I still drop tons of cash on shopping sprees, but instead of pumps and skinny jeans I'm spending it on onesies, formula, diapers, and toys.

How do I reconcile the wild child within and the mom without? Who the hell knows. I'm just trying to be the best mother I can be while not abandoning who I am as a person. Sometimes I get jealous of the easy, carefree lifestyles of my girlfriends. It can be difficult not to resent them when I'm in my pajamas by 10pm on a Friday night and I get a phone call asking if I want to go out for a few drinks. Because I would like to go with them and spend time with them and live it up a bit, but every move I make now must be very carefully planned.

But I have something that they haven't a few years, I'll have someone to set the table and do the dishes and they'll have to do it themselves so HA!

(If you thought I was going to say a sweet baby who loves me you don't get my humor at all!)


Rsgrl said...

Amen, E, amen. It's definitely all a balancing act. And it's so different to try to interact with my friends now - none of them are moms. Weird, weird, weird.

Neuffj said...

Cut a rug... hee hee! Don't tailor your posts to these idiots. ANd if that is not what you were doing than I apologize. I just assumed that adding the parenthesis might have been a residual effect of the wenchard!

Tracie said...

I totally get where you are coming from! It is hard to find that balance between being mom and being me.

Happy SITS Saturday!

Deb said...

I think that she's going to be the party that never ends.

The best friend who cannot be replaced.

And the heart that makes yours beat.


Visiting from SITS.

Sweet dreams.

Ms. Sarah said...

hi visiitng from sits. hope you have a great weekend. your baby is absolutly adorable =)

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