Thanksgiving

In pictures

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Snags, Snafus, and Hiccups

The road to sleeping through the night is often a bumpy one. Days of progress and then a snag, weeks of success and then a snafu, months of sweet sleep and then the inevitable hiccup. The day before Isabella turned 4 months she started sttn. I'll tell you my secret...once she hit 2 months I told her everyday that if she didn't start sleeping straight through the night by the time she was 4 months old I would sell her on e-bay. She got my point.

Anyway, in the world of babies and mom's sometimes shit happens. When she's teething really bad, she might wake up and need a little Hylands teething tablet and a snuggle. When she was sick it was an out and out shit storm of night waking. Most nights she'll sleep from 7pm-6am no trouble (she knows she'd fetch a high price on e-bay and isn't taking the chance), last night we encountered a small bump in the road.

Isabella went to sleep at 7, as is her routine, Andy and I had dinner with my mother, watched Criminal Minds, read a little bit and then went to sleep. We were very rudely awakened at midnight with shrieks. Andy's was off so he took her. 5 minutes later he was back in bed. Easy. 1:30, howling. He got up again and this time he was back about 15 minutes later. He gave her some tylenol because he thought her teeth were bothering her. I don't like to give her tylenol unless she really really needs it, but I was too tired to argue. 2:45 and she's up again. He got up again, but I could tell that his patience was wearing thin. He rocked and shhhhh'ed her for 10 minutes, just to have her wake up at 4. This time I got her.

I'm not sure what's wrong with her. Teeth? Cold? Sore Throat (Andy and I both have one)? Pain in the butt? Who knows. Hopefully tonight will be snag, snafu, and hiccup free.

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5 Months Old

Ok, so I'm a terrible blogger, but this week has been pretty hellish...but more on this later. On Thursday my baby turned 5 months old! I can't even believe it.

She's still STTN, thank goodness, liking solids much better. Oatmeal is tolerable, but she loves her purees. So far she's had carrots, sweet potatoes, and squash. Next week...sweet peas. Here's her 5 month photo with a newborn pic for comparison.

So let's see what's up this month. Lots of rolling from belly to back, she's trying her hardest to roll from back to belly, but gets stuck about halfway through. When she does tummy time, she's starting to push up on her knees, which is crazy. I'm not ready for mobility! She laughs a lot and smiles a lot. She loves to play superbaby and get a kissy face. She's also been very clingy lately, especially to me. I guess this is the "mommy" phase I've heard of. When I leave the room she winges and wants me to hold her all the time. I love that she wants me because I work all week and don't get to spend a lot of time with her, but it's nice not to hear a crying baby when I want to use the bathroom!

She's actually been really sick, which is why the week was hellish. This cold made her first cold look like a day at the park. She was congested, her nose was runny, and she had a God awful cough. For 2 nights she couldn't sleep on her back, regardless if the mattress was elevated, so Andy and I took turns holding her. The longest she would sleep in her crib was 2 hours and even that was pushing it. Her eyes were all watery and red. I felt terrible for her. She's feeling better now, thank goodness, and is back in her crib. She still has a little cough and some congestion but she's feeling better.

This is probably the time when I'm enjoying her the most. She's so alert and responsive. Lots of fun to play with!

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What's With All The Guilt?

When that jello covered baby is ripped from your loins, s/he doesn't just leave an empty womb. They leave behind a big whopping ball of guilt. Now, I've felt guilty pre-baby. I've lied to my parents, told my friend her dress didn't make her look fat, and neglected to tell a stranger that she had lipstick on her teeth, but nothing compares to post-baby guilt.

Isabella loves her gym and her jumperoo. Like she goes ape shit when you put her in there. The problem is that she loves them sooooo much and I worry that she spends too much time in there and that I don't interact with her enough. So I sit on the floor and try to play with her while she's in there. Sometimes she takes pity on me and lets me and sometimes she's content to play by herself. But I can't help but feeling like I'm neglecting the poor child. Guilt.

I feel guilty for going to work. I have no choice in the matter. We couldn't afford to lose an entire salary. But I feel so guilty every morning when I have to leave her. Especially on the mornings where she doesn't wake up before I leave and I don't get to see her until 5 that night. I feel like I'm missing so much; like I can't be there for her. Guilt.

I feel guilty if I go out for a night either with Andy or my girlfriends. I feel guilty for leaving my mom with her again, even though she doesn't mind. I feel like I should spend all my time with her, even though my mother assures me a little time away makes for a saner mommy. Guilt.

I guess this is why mothers give their older kids such a guilt trip, it's all residual from their childhood.

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Rules and Regulations

Before I became a parent I thought that I'd be the one in charge. I'd decide the rules, rewards, and consequences. Ha! Little did I know that when they brought out my teeny tiny baby girl that what I was actually getting was a teeny tiny dictator! Here are some of the rules and regulations according to one Ms. Isabella.

1. I will put myself to sleep at bedtime, but at nap time you can forget it. There will be rocking, ssshhhhing, and bouncing and lots of it.

2. Speaking of naps, I will keep them just long enough to take the edge off, but if you think you're getting more then that you're nuts.

3. I will peacefully drift off to sleep in your arms, but the second you put me in that crib I will wake up and smile. It will be cute the first time. The 5th time...not so much.

4. You will take me on lots of walks and I will be very good, but if you stop for more then a minute I will whine and fuss until we're back in motion.

5. I will eat my solids when I want and how I want.

6. When Mommy is working I will sleep until 7, but when she has a day off I will be sure to get up at 6 so she doesn't get too used to sleeping in.

7. I will let you hold me as long as you are walking but stop and I will push away from you like you've just been diagnosed with swine flu.

8. These rules are final and absolute. There will be no exceptions or substitutions. There will be no second chances. If you break these rules the consequences will include screaming fits, fussing, and general unpleasantness.

Looks like I have one tough little boss.

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Fuzzy Around The Edges

I think I may have Alzheimer's Junior, which you may have heard as the phenomenon called "Mommy Brain". I was forgetful during pregnancy (Pregnancy Brain), but months of sleep deprivation will effect you in ways that are both funny and a little bit pathetic.

For example, Friday evening I get home from work and even though it's pretty cold outside I get Bella all ready for a walk. I put on her warm winter coat, thick socks, a fuzzy hat, and a furry blanket throw her in the stroller and start off on a walk. I'm walking for about 10 minutes when I realize that I'm freezing. I was only in my T-Shirt. I had forgotten my jacket.

About a week ago on a Saturday morning I was getting ready to go grocery shopping. I had my list and my coupons all set, all I needed was my keys. I tore my house apart. Looked in all the cushions of the couch, in the closet, in all my purses. No dice. My husband found them an hour later in the lock of the door. They had been there all night. Luckily no would-be-robbers were passing by.

About a month ago I was making bottles. I cleaned them, sterilized them, and put them in the fridge. Andy went to go make them and wanted to know why there was 10 empty bottles in the fridge. I had forgotten to put the formula inside.

Yet another way that babies cause their parents to lose their minds!

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My Darkest Hours

So if you're not familiar with Josiah's Mommy over at http://myconfessionsasafirsttimemom.blogspot.com/ (sorry not clicky, mac) you should really go check her out. She posted an incredibly honest post about her experience with PPD and even though I was never diagnosed with PPD I can relate to her experience and was inspired to share my own.

The first three months of Isabella's life was the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. She was fussy, wouldn't sleep, and would have screaming fits. I honestly wanted to give her back. I questioned the reason I ever wanted to have kids. I missed the life I had with my husband. I missed sleep. I missed my friends. I missed watching television. I missed showering! I can honestly say that at that point I regretted having a baby to begin with. I never wanted to hurt her, I just didn't enjoy taking care of her and I swore I would never have another child.

Every night I would work myself into a frenzy of anxiety because I knew there would be no sleep. I would cry every single day because I felt so unprepared for the demands of motherhood. I was consumed with guilt. Guilt over not being able to exclusively breast feed. Guilt about not wanting to be around her. Guilt over wishing I was childless again. I loved her, I was just so overwhelmed. I felt like she deserved better.

When I went back to work things were getting better sleep wise, although she was still up at least twice a night. However, every night at 5 o'clock (the second I walked in the door) she would begin her screaming fits. I would cry in the car before I had to walk in the door. I would pray for traffic so I could miss the fits. I felt like a horrible mother.

The worst part was not being able to talk about it. I told my husband and my mother but they just kept telling me I needed to relax and that things would get better. They made me feel crazy, even though I know it was unintentional. Andy would share in my frustration but he didn't understand why I was so extreme. I could tell the crying bouts freaked him out. So many mothers had difficult kids, but were still enjoying motherhood. I wasn't. I probably should have mentioned something to my OB, but I was so ashamed. I thought she would think I didn't love my child. I did. I was just going through something very painful and profound.

Things are better now. We started her on a bed time routine. She's sleeping. I'm happy again. She's thriving. And I can't imagine my life without her chubby cheeks and gummy smile. Even when she has a bad day or a bad night or a screaming fit, I'm ok. I can handle it. I never thought I'd get to this point but the past month and a half has been some of the best times in my life. I guess it's always darkest before the dawn.

I'm hoping I won't get judged too badly for writing this post. I'm just hoping that people will understand.

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Halloween Story

There are a few things Isabella doesn't like: Christenings, solid food, and sleepovers. Let me tell you a scary Halloween story.

Saturday morning I woke up to coos and giggles. I looked at the clock and realized that it was 8:15! She slept for 13 hours. She's been STTN pretty consistently for the past 2 weeks, which I didn't write a celebratory post out of fear of the "I'll Make a Liar Out of You" reflex...scary stuff. So we proceed to take tons of cutesy Halloween pictures (see previous post) and she's tolerating it pretty well, but since she slept so long she's off her usual schedule so she didn't nap as much as she usually does...nap time is a nightmare to begin with anyway. We take her trick or treating in her little bunny outfit. ::dies:: and then get ready to send her off to grandma's so that Andy and I can get ready for our Halloween party, make that our GROWN UP Halloween Party.

I dress up as Angelina Jolie and he's a Rasta Man and the party is a hit. Everyone is drinking, eating, and having a great time. We played flip cup and Texas Holdem and I tied for first place in the Costume Contest. The party starts winding down and then the phone rings at 1:30 am.

Dun dun dun

It was my mother. "She's not having a good night over here. She hasn't slept more then 2 hours in her pack n play"

Oh shit. I'm half in the bag and so is Andy, however, my mother just happens to be a saint that lives only 5 minutes away. I usually just walk to her house. So she says, "Why don't we bring her over to your house and sleep over and you guys can sleep at ours?"

I'm down with a house switch. I wake up around 8 am (damn time changes screw with my head) and come home to a terrible report. She was up every hour! Every hour! Does she think she's a newborn. She's been cranky and irritable and fighting sleep all day. She only napped 2 hours total all day instead of 4.

I'm more terrified of tonight then any Halloween ghoul...stay tuned.

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Halloween Pictures

My Girls I'm Anjelina Jolie

My little bunny!

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