Thursday, February 25, 2010

The Single Wife

Some of you may know that Andy is a police officer. 5 years NYPD and for the past 5 years he's been a State Trooper. Which calls for a very unusual schedule. He works for 2 days, 2 days off, works for 3 days, then 2 days off; lather, rinse, repeat. 2 weeks days, 2 weeks midnights. 12 hour shifts. Plus overtime.

Before Isabella made her grand appearance and it was just the two of us, this worked out quite well. I had time with Andy, time to myself, and time for my friends. It was a great marriage. He was able to get off for any major events, like weddings and the like. I missed him when he was on midnights and I hated sleeping alone, but it made the time that we did have together really great because we missed each other. And, let's call a spade a spade, sometimes it's nice to get your husband out of your hair and have a few nights to yourself.

However, after having a baby, nights to yourself just turn into everything by yourself. Cooking, cleaning, bottle cleaning and making, playtime, bath time, bedtime, night waking time (which sucked if it happened during the week and I had work the next day). I give single mothers all the credit in the world. I struggle doing it the better part of 2 weeks I can't imagine doing it full time.

Our time together now is so full of taking care of Isabella, planning for the future, and making decisions that it really cuts into our quality time. So I miss him that much more now. It's hard to do it all. It's even harder to do it all alone.

When I was growing up my dad worked all the time (he's in law enforcement too). He worked from 3pm-11pm. As a kid, my whole life was between 3pm-11pm, so I never got to see him. We still don't have a very close relationship. I don't want that for Isabella. Now his schedule is awesome for her because he watches her a lot in the daytime, I just worry about what happens when she goes to school. But that seems like light years away.

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Quixotic said...

My husband jokes that I'm a married single Mum too, he's gone by the time we wake up most mornings, 3 nights out of 5 he comes home at 6pm for 5 mins to change, then goes to work til 11pm, he also works all day Saturday, but starts at 11am, so we get to see him for a bit. We live for Sundays and Wednesday nights, when he can spend time with us!!
Yes, it does make me miss him and appreciate him, but sometimes it also makes us feel disconnected, and more like roommates than husband and wife. We are working hard at not letting that feeling stay (nights with 2yr old at Grandmas help!!), and we know it won't be forever, so we tough it out.

Kisha said...

Oh, hun, I totally understand. My dad was a shift working mill worker who put in 60+ hours a week, I never saw him. My first couple years with my hubby, he was self employed so he never seemed to be at work, ha ha. Now he has a big grown up job and is working 60+ hours a week-I told him I refuse to let our girls grow up like I did, so our compromise is that he always takes weekends off, no exceptions. I think we do the best we can and work it out!!

Rita A. said...

My hubby is a TV cameraman so he is gone a lot on weird schedules too. Thanks for supporting Friday Follow. Have a wonderful weekend. Rita @

BLOGitse said...

I know what you mean. I dated a musician and most of the weekends I was alone.
Unfortunately your personal life gets easier when children are grown up. Until that they need you to be the boss at home.
Every now and then it would be could if you could have time together, just you and your husband.
There's time and place for everything in this life...
Take care!


joeandbridge said...

Hi There! I'm a new follower from Friday Follow still poking around all the fun blogs! Have a good Saturday. Hope you can come visit my blog!

Bridgette Groschen
The Groschen Goblins

Simply Stacie said...

Following you from the Friday Follow!

Midday Escapades said...

I give major shoutouts to the single mothers out there. So glad your hubby is able to spend time with your little one. It's so important when they are young.

Therese said...

First of all, I decided to check you PURELY because you are ALSO afraid of riding a bike. Can you hear that? I just breathed a massive sigh of relief - I'M NOT ALONE!!!

I like your blog, think I'll stick around.

I missed my husband so much right after Chubs was born, it was the End Of and Era. No more just us. Though it is true that babies add to the awesomeness, the challenges multiply too! Hallelujah for date night :)

Sororitygirlgonewife said...

I feel your pain, chicka.

Sororitygirlgonewife said...

PS-Added your button :)

Jessica said...

I think sometimes the partial-fulltime mom thing is harder, because you know the help is there, you just can't have it, and it's hard not to get resentful.
My husband is gone at least 2 weeks out of every month. 18 years and 2 kids later; I'm ready for my life to start! LOL.
I fully understand you. And when the kids start school, it does get easier - at least until they hit the teens. ;)

Sarah said...

My husband is a surgeon, and works very long hours, and is on call often, etc. etc. I completely understand where you are coming from. It's so difficult to be on your own. I'm sure you are doing an amazing job, though! By the way, I love your new design!

Debralee said...
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Debralee said...

Ben a single mom since my daughter was a few months old. She will be 15 in May. It has been rough over the years...doing it all...working full-time, housecleaning, yard work, disciplinarian, boo boo mender, soccer mom, etc. Had some real highs and some very low, lows. I am unemployed at the moment so it can be tough for a teen who wants to do lots of things. School sports even cost $$. I wouldn't change a thing though. My daughter and I have a very close relationship and her father is a real piece, so...its been better without him around messing up her head. I love every minute of being a single mom!!

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