Monday, March 1, 2010

Judgy McJudgerson

I've always tried to live my life in a way that is judgement free. This is not new to motherhood. This skill is not perfected. Sometimes someone will do something that will make me give them the side eye. Like wear sandals with socks. Or, for example, when I'm out and I see a kid out way past their bed time and the kid is rubbing his eyes and is obviously tired. My instincts kick in and I want to pick the kid up and put him to bed. But I digress. But for the most part I try to be accepting of everyone's choices and lifestyles because you need to walk in someone's shoes to know the reasons they do what they do.

A few years ago a very good friend of mine was having an affair. Which, in black and white, is completely wrong. But all I could see was my friend who was going through something so painful and profound. She was a good person who did good things with her life who had made a mistake. Not many people would agree with me supporting my friend and being there for her under this circumstance, since this is something that I don't personally agree with. She lost her way and I offered her a non-judgmental ear. In the end she wound up doing the right thing, but she came to that conclusion on her own.

Now that I'm a mom, I've encountered a lot of judging between moms. Starting solids too late. Too early. Co-sleeping. Bottle feeding. Ear piercing. Cry it out. Don't cry it out. Day Care. Stay at home. Go to work. There is a seemingly infinite amount of topics on which one mom can judge another.

Other mother's choices never bothered me. As long as they're not abusing their child or hurting them in any way, I don't care if they put cereal in the bottle or let them sleep in the bed with them. To each their own. I think women need to be more accepting of each other's choices. There is no one right way to raise a baby. There is no one right way to live a life.

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BLOGitse said...

You're such a kind person!
Unfortunately it's a human nature to judge.
Cats and dogs are not judging each others.
We think we're so much better than others. It's so easy to hurt people and be mean.
It's great you supported your friend even she did something you didn't agree. She needed you.

No one right way to live life!
Great post!


Quixotic said...

Oh, now you're on my favourite bandwagon!! Amen, and well said!
BTW, I had a similar situation with a friend, and I did the same as you. I made it clear it was not something I thought was okay, but was there for her nonetheless. She later said I was exactly what she needed, someone who loved her for her, but reminded her of her moral compass.

mtendere said...

It is nicer when we can be supportive of others' different choices without being defensive about our own choices or judgemental of theirs.

Rsgrl said...

Instead of being judgmental, I work hard to appreciate the different view (or way of doing things) that another Mom has. I figure I can learn more from watching what others do (or don't do) than I can from thinking I'm the Queen Bee of Moms. I clearly don't know it all!

Mrs.Pink said...

THIS is so true. I also find that my IL's or people of thier age group throwing out their judgement on parents/parenting skills. I want to say to them sometimes, "that kid over there isn't YOURS so stop suggesting that he put on his shoes!!!" He has a parent. GAH!

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