My cousin just had a baby girl. So tiny. So cute. As I held her it seemed almost foreign to me, even though I just had a baby 9 months ago. I don't really remember when Isabella was that little. Sure I have videos and pictures up the yin yang, but I feel like that time in my life was so wrought with nerves, anxiety, exhaustion, hormones, and desperation that my mind probably blocked it out as a defense mechanism. In the midst of it I swore I would never forget what it was like, I also swore I would never go through it again. Ever. But I forgot and everyone started sleeping more (more or less) and I was no longer nervous about giving her a bath or changing her clothes, because that get old pretty quick. I forgot what it was like to have a baby that doesn't smile at you yet, doesn't interact, doesn't make you crack up laughing.
A lot of people love the newborn stage when they're so small and snuggly. They're not trying to pull your earrings out of your ear or sticking their tongue out at you when they don't want to eat their peas. I never liked this stage. She was like this little tiny bean bag who cried and pooped and occasionally slept. It's so much more fun now.
Women always tell you that you forget the pain of labor. When I was pregnant I clung to this notion because if you can forget it, it can't be that bad. It was bad. And I had an epi. But before the epi guy (aka my knight in shining scrubs) came in and worked his magic and at the end when it started to wear off, that shit hurt. A lot. The after pain hurt too. It hurt to sit, walk, and pee...don't even get me started on pooping. I had a deep pain in my muscles from 12 hours of labor. I swore I would never forget that pain. I also thought that in order for a woman to forget that pain, she had to be a special kind of stupid. But, I was proven wrong as I have been so many times in motherhood. That memory is fading.
So remembrance can be quite the gift or quite the curse.