When I left NYC to move to the suburbs (ish) I was sad for all that I was leaving behind, my friends who lived only a few minutes away, a ten minute commute, and the noise. It was difficult to get used to sleeping in the quiet since I had lived in an apartment under the El since I was 7. But I was also really excited because I thought that I would finally have those neighbors you see on TV. The kind that have coffee together and bring each other welcome baskets. I had lived in my apartment in Brooklyn for 17 years and I didn't know any of my neighbors.
Sure I knew whose bell to ring if one of them blocked me in during alternate side of the street parking. I knew who to give the stink eye to for leaving their barking dog out all night, but I don't think I knew any of their names. Kinda sad huh? But things were sure to pick up, I was moving to Jersey (not the Snooky Jersey though) people were nice there right?
Our first day moving in no do-gooding neighbors came to bid us welcome. That's fine, they probably just thought we were too busy. The next day came and went and still no homemade muffins in a beautiful wicker basket. Were they all on vacation? No, I saw their cars. Did they instinctively know I was from Brooklyn and therefore sentenced to be an outcast? No that's impossible, they hadn't spoken to me to hear my accent.
No one ever came. Over the years I've developed a cordial relationship with my neighbors. Although I don't know their names.
There's Angry Asian Lady who lives right next door. She has a piss poor attitude. She never wants to say hi to me or give me the obligatory head wave. But she always says hi to Andy. I'd think she wants him if she weren't married to the man we've dubbed Lance Armstrong.
Lance Armstrong can either be seen doing one of two things, riding his bike in his skin tight bicycle shorts or walking his two yappy dogs 50 times a day. He says hi sometimes, but he's less likely to ignore me when I say hi than his Angry wife is.
Then there's Disco Larry. Disco Larry lives across the street and finds it very important to blast his "UNTZ UNTZ" music at 1 am on a Tuesday. Is it unneighborly to call the cops on your neighbor repeatedly?
Then there's the Church Couple who live a few houses down. I swear the only time I see this family is on Sundays in their Sunday finest. They seem very nice, an older couple with a daughter who seems to be maybe in Jr. High School.
There is an exception to my neighborly trouble. Frank who lives next door has become very friendly with Andy. They watch games together and he's borrowed a pot once to cook for his girlfriend.
Maybe the next neighborhood will fare better for me.