Thursday, April 22, 2010

The Same Argument Over and Over

I need to preface this post by saying that I absolutely love my husband. He's a wonderful father, husband and provider for our family. But the man certainly knows how to get under my skin and not in a "Oh, I want to rip your clothes off kind of way." The thing of it is, whenever we argue it's always about the same thing. Who does what.

I feel that even though I work full time the bulk of the housework still falls on my shoulders: dusting, sweeping, mopping, laundry, organizing, and straightening up. Also I feel like when we're both home together, I take care of the baby more than he does. He'll sit around and play with her, but he always manages to have an errand to run or have to go to the bathroom right around nap time or when the smell of poop is in the air.

His argument is that he works a lot of overtime, which he does, but he totally wants to. I never ask him to work overtime. The extra money is nice but I would never ask him to give up a day off. He also says that he does do housework, like taking out the garbage, cleaning the bathrooms, cleaning the stove, laundry here and there (which he'll leave in the dryer for 2 days and let it get all wrinkly before he puts it away, unless of course I get to it first which I usually do...you see where the argument goes right?), and big house projects like a blown lightbulb or painting.

Where we really don't see eye to eye is the time frame in which the work needs to get done. He'll let dishes languish in the sink and keep the bathroom unpainted for a week (seriously!). I do my chores weekly, if Andy gets to them in the month he thinks he's a hero. It drives me nuts. But there's no talking to him. He's so convinced that he's Mr. Wonderful, although in his defense he says the same thing about me.

I'd say we have this argument about once a month, we already had it this month, so I'll let you know how it turns around in May.

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19 comments:

Rachel H. said...

I can totally relate to this feeling, and I feel the exact same way with Grant. This post made me feel like I was reading about our life!

Desi said...

Yeah, Pat and I have an argument about money every couple of months. I think its pretty normal to have that argument that just won't go away. However, I sometimes wish Pat was around right now so that I could argue with him! haha. Weird, but I'd pick arguing with him over him being gone.

Southern Loves said...

Oh yes...sadly from what I've heard this is ever so common for moms who work hard with babies...Like you said, I love my husband DEARLY, but sometimes I think he doesn't get it ;o). He cares about the house a little too much sometimes!! It sounds to me like you're doing an awesome job for all you have going on. I just keep telling myself I'm doing the best I can do, and that's all I can do...It helps a little!! ;o)

mom2ahrj said...

lol! my hubby and i just had one of those recurring arguments this morning - but over something else - like the other commenters, i think it's common - hope may goes better for you!

erin said...

wow! sounds like my house!
and i know i shouldn't complain either. i know of people that have it way worse. but it is frustrating to feel like so much falls on your shoulders.
sometimes i just want to leave for an entire day and throw him to the wolves (aka kids)!

BLOGitse said...

Stop arguing and start talking like adults.
Yes I know, easy to say but that's the only way to do it.
Tell your husband to grow up. He's just lazy. He knows how to do if he has to.
Leave him alone for the period when it's time to change a nappy. I bet he knows how to handle the situation!

Women, do not take everything on your shoulders! If your mothers have done it, your husband's mother has done it - you have to make the change and stop complaining!
It's women who grow up boys > men!

What kind of role models are you?

BLOGitse

Leannabanna said...

Yeah, um, this post totally made me realize just how much I miss talking to you and how much it sucks that I don't like in NY or NJ or anywhere close enough for us to get together for martinis and girl talk once a week. :( I feel you, in every aspect of that post -you described the constant battle in my house as well! I think (in my case) I need to leave Brody home with C for a weekend one time, alone, just to see how he does. Maybe then he would get it!

purseblogger said...

I feel like I'm reading about our life too. I was just telling my husband the same thing this morning. It drives me nuts!

Mama Tully said...

That is the exact same argument my husband and I have...all the time. Isn't it so funny how they always have something to do RIGHT when the baby needs something. We have come up with a system of sorts that works most of the time. I will feed her dinner and he will bath her (or vica versa). I will nurse her and then he will read her a book and put her down to bed. Etc... I still do most of her care taking, but to be honest, I kind of want to do it most of the time anyway. A while back we did agree to get cleaners to come in every 3 weeks. I still have to do the floors a couple times a week and pick up daily, but my husband does do all the yard work and stuff like that. I work part time and he works full time, so I think thats pretty fair. And I no longer get resentful for cleaning up after him all the time and we no longer argue about it. It's an expensive solution, but worth every penny :)

Brittany said...

Completely understand where your coming from! I've come to realize that my husband thinks he helps out around the house when he really just creates a bigger mess.

I ask him to help. It works. I used to want him to do it on his own...ya know, just being nice and help a mom out but it never worked and we always fought. But now if I ask him he's right on it and no more fights. Men think way differently than women. Sometimes I wish we were hard wired the same!

Shell said...

That would be so frustrating! I get mad at my husband for not helping out as much around the house and with the kids...and I don't even work! LOL

WhisperingWriter said...

I know how it goes. My husband and I argue about things like that too. Like today I had to remind him twice to take out the trash and he acted as though I was asking him to do this HUGE thing.

Shannon said...

Stopping by for the first time. Our babies are practically the same weight...At GG's 9 month check she was 22.9 lbs. I know a random comment right, but I love finding other blogs with babies the same age as mine. Looking forward to coming back! Happy Friday!

Becky said...

I think our husbands are twins! We have this same argument monthly too. We never get in anywhere and nothing ever changes, but it needs too, because i'm really tired of it.

Ode to Motherhood said...

I can totally understand. I used to have arguments like this with my hubby when the boys were babies. I hope you can find an agreement, and work it out.

Stopping by from FF.

Lil'Misa said...

I think almost all husbands are alike. My hubby is very similar. He waits and waits to get stuff done, which bothers me so I end up doing it. I also do a lot of the housework. I have to tell him specifically what to do or it does not get done. We are both learning.

Nikki said...

Stopping by from Friday follow! My husband and I do the SAME thing!!!
Your daughter is adorable. We are going through the teething stage with our little one right now!
New follower!!!

Hello! I'm Kate. said...

The whole first year of marriage for Hubs & Me was spent arguing over housecleaning--my husband declutters but doesn't clean toilets. I am the disinfector not the declutterer. But he & I would argue over which should be done, he always said the decluttering is more important than the bathrooms being clean & the floors being mopped (when I helped him move out of his apartment into our place his toilet hadn't been cleaned in the 6 months he had lived there! I almost passed out!) But now that the baby is here, we mostly argue about baby duty & the house is a mess! lol Thanks for stopping by my site! I'm a new follower!

Elly @ The OCD Chronicles said...

I can completely relate to this! My boyfriend and I have 2 arguments that we have on a regular basis. One is about listening (go figure, right?) and the other is about housework. It seems neither of us will ever be happy with the distribution of chores. He feels like the couple of chores he does each month are too much and I don't think they're enough. It drive me crazy, but if that's the worst thing he does, I guess I can live with him.

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