Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Doubt

Sometimes when I look at my daughter I don't swell with pride and love, I sag with doubt. I am far from perfect, I have many flaws. How will my inadequacies affect Isabella?

We've all been out and about, a party maybe or the grocery store, perhaps out to dinner when someone else's unruly children are running amok. They won't listen and you can just see the despair on their poor parents face. I don't want to be that parent! I can handle 24 third graders without a problem, but what if I fail my daughter? What if I'm at work when she's supposed to be learning her manners? What if I feel so guilty about the time I don't spend with her that I slack off on my discipline and she's that kid at the party/restaurant/grocery store that is making everyone else thank their lucky stars she's not theirs?

I never doubt my love for her or my desire to raise her the right way, but what if that desire isn't enough? What if all those textbooks from college and grad school that are filled with developmental theories and strategies for discipline are actually only good for collecting dust (as I suspected when I bought them none-of-your-business years ago, for a hundred bucks a pop).

Do you ever doubt your parenting abilities or do you just trust that it will all work out in the end? Please tell me I'm not the only one with these insecurities.


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16 comments:

Laura said...

no no...you're not. i'm right there with ya! happy teacher appreciation week!! :) :)

Becky said...

every single mother/father thinks this, i mean every single one, even if they don't admit it out loud they do! We just have to do the best we can and be ok with that. We can't predict the future so we have no idea how what we;re doing today will effect them later. Just give her tons of love and enjoy her, that's really all we can do.

lady gray said...

we all doubt! if you DON'T doubt, i think you aren't taking your responsibility to your child seriously enough. you are doing just fine mama, Isabella is VERY lucky to have you.

mtendere said...

I have similar thoughts all the time.

Miranda said...

you are SO not alone! Not alone at all.

Pippy said...

Mine isn't even here yet & I have all of those fears!
You're not alone momma & Isabella is lucky to have you!

melissa.english said...

Whoa! Whoa! First of all, you're worrying about these things is enough to get you on top of them before they happen. Secondly, public meltdowns have to do with the parents as much as they do the child. It's not always the parent's fault. Kids have their own personalities and you will see that as your daughter gets older. Let go of that concern now. You can't control how your child will act, but you can control how you handle it. I've practiced smiling through my pain and developing a facade that makes it look like I have a calm control over things. If you smile through it and look proactive, other people won't make such terrible faces in your direction.

Cheers to the future! Where's my case of wine?!

www.lovemedaily.com

Boutique on Feet said...

I don't know a mom that doesn't have insecurities and fears when it comes to raising their children. Being a parent is a scary thing at times and it definitely is a learning experience each and every day!

Nikki said...

You are not alone!! I have doubts EVERY day!!! Being a mom is the most fabulous, wonderful, scary and intimidating thing ever!!
I try to remember though that it does no good to play the what if game. We just need to do what feels right to us!! I learn something new every day and just hope that I'm doing a good job raising my daughter.

Mrs.F said...

I am so there too! I always have thoughts that I'm doing something the wrong way, but I have to keep reminding myself that every parent is different & does things differently & it WILL work out in the end!

Persis Shah said...

hi Melissa! how are you doing dearie?

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Persis
http://onestylemile.blogspot.com/

ModernMom said...

I think the very fact that you are doubting yourself means you are doing your very best by her! And really that is all any of us can do. Follow our hearts and listen to our Mommy guts. Love them the best we can and have faith:)

mamapoekie said...

I think every parent is doubting at one time or another, it proves you are concerned, which is a good thing!
If it is bratty running around you are afraid of, may I suggest you go for gentle disciplinary tactics, they give better results in the long run.

Nikki said...

I left ya a couple little things over at my blog!!

Happy Gramma said...

Join the club! All of my children are married and gone, with children of their own. I still wonder if I did a good job of raising them. They are all great people, sucessful, happy and productive. Why do I worry....?
I do have some secrets that might help.
I am following from Friday Follow. Come visit me and follow if you want to @
www.happyfamilyhappykids.blogspot.com

sanjeet said...

I have similar thoughts all the time.
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