I am so incredibly grateful for my mother. She left her job and her life in NY to move to NJ to watch Isabella while I worked. She is so in love with my baby. She really just adores her. There are no words to describe how indebted I am to her and how much I love and appreciate her. BUT, it also means that she is spending the majority of the day with Isabella.
It means that even though I'm her mother, SHE is her primary caregiver. This also usually means that she's the one Isabella prefers. When my mother walks into the room, Isabella's face lights up. She crawls right over to her and wants her to hold her. If I'm holding Isabella she reaches for my mom. I'm glad they have a good relationship, but that shit kills. It breaks my heart.
So what do you do when you're NOT the one that your baby wants? Get angry? Cry? Sulk? Become riddled with guilt? I've done them all, but none of them changes the fact that I have to work. On the weekends its much better because it's just us, but Monday never fails to roll around. I'm just really hurting about this right now. I know I'm doing the right thing for my family by working and being a working mom isn't completely terrible, I even posted about it, but not being the one my daughter gravitates too is beyond painful.