Friday, June 11, 2010

The "C" Word

There's something about the word "Cancer" that is completely leveling. It can knock the wind right out of you and bring you to your knees. It doesn't matter if it's surrounded by words like "95% survival rate" or "we caught it early," it's still the ugliest word you can imagine. So when I found out this week that my mom was diagnosed with colon cancer I was basically reduced to a puddle of tears on the floor.

Not only is my mom my best friend and my rock, she's also watches Isabella on the days that Andy works. She hangs out with us on the weekends. She lets Andy and me go on dates. My entire world has been ripped out from under me. I see what it's like now not to have help. To be completely alone.

She's scheduled to have surgery tomorrow to remove the mass in her colon. They'll then be able to tell if it's spread to the surrounding lymph nodes. Best case scenario, they remove the mass, no spreading, no chemo. Worst case, it spread and they need to do chemo and possibly a colostony bag. We just don't know right now.

And then I feel selfish because I'm worried that if she's not well enough to watch Isabella in September when I go back to work, what the hell am I going to do? Day care is expensive and when you combine it with the ridiculous amount I pay in tolls and gas commuting to nyc everyday I don't know if it would be worth it. But taking out my entire salary would cripple us. Andy says I'm thinking too far ahead, to just wait and see. Waiting and seeing has never been my strong point.

There's more I want to say. There's more that I'm feeling. But I'm exhausted and my brain wants to shut off. So that's it for now. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

post signature

14 comments:

Kristina said...

I'm so sorry that your family is going through this. Hopefully everything will be in the best case scenario for your mom. I will be sending positive energy your way.

Lindsey Brackett said...

I will lift up a prayer for your family. You're right, it doesn't matter the percentages, the news is hard to hear and "wait and see" isn't any better. I will pray for healing and peace.

Jennifer said...

Sending good thoughts your way <3 <3 <3

sheaintheavy said...

I am so so sorry to hear this. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Keep your head up :)
Lisa

Kaymee said...

Nothing but positive vibes headed your way. (((HUGS))).

Shell said...

Sending prayers!

Barras' said...

Sorry to hear! Your in my prayers and think positive!

K A B L O O E Y said...

Oh, man, sorry your family is going through this. Of course best of luck to your mom re: the surgery and labs. I know what you're going through since my mom is being treated for cancer right now. She is handling it all with strength and grace, but I'm a mess. Better than the reverse, I guess. I'm prone to hypothesizing too, and my husband always says not to "bleed before you're cut." It helps. Again, hope outcomes are best possible.

chrysanthemum said...

Huge hugs to you, lady. I hope you get the best outcome possible.

Stefani said...

Hang in there...I'm so sorry that you're going through this - I can't imagine holding it together if my mom were in the same situation, she is my best friend! Just take it one day at a time... we'll be praying for you and your mom. ::hugs::

Kisha said...

All my love and prayers are with you guys right now. You are good people, and I have faith that things will work out for you-much love, my dear!

Miss. Candy said...

My mom is my best friend as well. I will be praying for you and your family. I don't think you are selfish for looking and thinking ahead.

Java said...

Oh Melissa I am so sorry that hear about your Mom! And your not being selfish at all thinking about her watching Isabella...its only natural! I will pray for the best outcome possible!!

Erin said...

This is a hard thing to go through. Lots of thoughts your way. Will be thinking about your mom and hope her surgery goes well. Everything will fall into place if she is not well enough to watch your girl!

Thinking about your family!

Post a Comment

Have at it...and I will respond to all comments here so check back often to stay in the conversation.