I've never had a positive body image. Ever. Even when I was vegan and I lost a ton of weight, I'm 5'3 and I weighed 110 lbs, I never thought of myself as thin. I would look in the mirror and criticize my hips or try to hide my belly. Looking back in pictures I couldn't believe how amazing I looked. I'd say to myself, "Oh surely if I looked like that now I'd rock amazing dresses and a bikini." But if I'm being honest I probably wouldn't. My body still wouldn't be good enough for me.
My favorite store is Metro Park. Their clothes have a rocker edge but are still flirty (just my style), but I hardly own any of their clothes because you need to be fairly thin to wear them. I was browsing there the other day and fingering a slinky purple cocktail dress when the I-work-on-commission-so-you-look-great-in-everything sales guy sashays over to me and tells me that I'd look fabulous in that dress. My response, I'd need to wear 10 pairs of Spanx to pull it off.
I want to enjoy the body I have while I continue to make improvements in it. I was doing so well, I was down 10 lbs, sticking to Weight Watchers, going to the gym 4 days a week. But once my mom got sick there was a lot of take out and not a lot of working out, so I put back on a few pounds that I lost.
But more than losing weight I want to make peace with my body. I want to praise it for being strong and healthy not pick it apart because it doesn't look like a supermodel's. I want to accept the curves while still trying to banish the fat.