Tuesday, July 13, 2010

What I Can't Say

I feel that women are meant to feel that they should instinctually want to stay home with their children, and many women do, but I feel that it's something that is thrust upon us. Let me explain: I love my daughter more than words can say, but I also love my career. I don't feel like I need to give up one to have the other. It might not be easy but I can have it all. Sometimes do I wish I could be a stay at home mom? Sure. But I love my job. I'm good at what I do. I may not love the beurocracy, politics, and paperwork that comes with teaching, but put me in front of a classroom with kids and I'm in my element.

The thought of taking a leave from work upsets me, not just because of the money we'd lose, but I don't want to take a 3 month break from work. I don't want to give up my career and I don't want to be made to feel that I'm a bad mom because I chose to work.

The problem with this is that I'm always scared to say it out loud. People look at you like you have some sort of genetic disorder because you don't want to give up your career. There's nothing wrong with having a baby and a job. Just like there's nothing wrong with only having a job and not a family and there's nothing wrong with giving up your job for a baby.

It all boils down to choice. There are some women who relish staying home with their little ones and the bond that I'm sure develops because of that. But not all of us. It's ok to work. It's ok to chose to work and it's ok to WANT to work. I hope I'm making sense...sometimes my intentions get muddled when I start to pontificate.

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Miss. Candy said...

There is NOTHING wrong with feeling that way!! I feel being a working mom provides my children with so much! They get to do things that they wouldn't be able to do if I didn't work. Sports and extra stuff is costly!! A year ago I was attacked by a stay at home mom that called me selfish for working. It is rather silly for women to judge one another for choices. Everyone has to decide what makes them tick and do just that!!! I wish you nothing but the best!!!!

Teresa said...

In my opinion, keeping your job means you keep your independance. And secondly, there are woman putting their kids in dumpsters after their born, so whoever puts judgement on woman simpley for choosing to keep their jobs or not is a fucktard.

Melaina25 said...

Whether you keep your job because you have to or you want to you shouldn't feel bad. Working Mommy guilt happens, but you shouldn't feel like society has any right to tell you what to do!

(I sooo almost went into a feminist theory rant about the backlash, but I restrained myself!)

Gucci Mama said...

This guilt trip crap runs both ways and I find it ridiculous. I am NOT a feminist, not even close, so it doesn't bother me when people tell me I'm "hurting the movement" or whatever bullshit because I choose to stay home even though I have an advanced degree and I'm damn brilliant and my talents would surely be useful to someone who wanted to pay me big money. But still, it's ridiculous. Working moms, I suspect, love their children just as much as moms who stay home. I don't know why we can't just support each other rather than be in attack mode all the time. Sheesh.

Dani G said...

The grass is ALWAYS greener. Always. You'll often hear working outside of the house moms say they feel guilty and/or wish they could stay home with their kids; and stay at home moms say they wish they could get out, escape, and work. This is no different than the fact that all my friends are getting these brazilian straightening treatments to tame their curly hair and I'm using a curling iron to put a little bend in mine :)

How about a little unity, ladies? We're all in this motherhood thing together. What we choose to do is our choice- what a gift! And let me be clear and say that I know there are plenty of mothers out there who financially do not have the choice but to work.

Being a mom is hard. Like, really hard. How about we all support one another no matter what we choose to do? Sound good?

Bloggy Blog Designz said...

We've got the wenchards coming about again, huh? I really hate anyone, anywhere passing judgment at any time. As if they are so perfect or as if they know whats best! It's annoying and ignorant!

Shell said...

I miss teaching. I was good at teaching. A natural.

But, with three kids who would have to be in daycare and what they pay teachers in NC- I wouldn't make enough to cover childcare.

Someday, when my boys are all in school, I will go back.

This is a post that Kmama @ The Daily Dribbles wrote a while back about being a working mom and I thought it was fabulous: http://thedailydribbles.blogspot.com/2010/03/i-am-full-time-working-mom.html

Babes Mami said...

This is something that is frequently talked about by moms/women. Before I had my son some people just assumed I would quit and others wanted to know when I would be back at work. Daycare is to expensive where I live so I stay at home for now but as soon as we are done having kids andt they are older I will go back to work. I miss work and there are many days where I wonder if I made the right choice or if I can keep doing it. It's different for everyone and it's no ones business but yours. Women should support other women no matter if they work or stay at home. This isn't 1950! Have your career and your baby too! :]

misssrobin said...

I believe that each woman needs to figure out what is best for her and her family. It can be a fine line between taking care of yourself and being selfish. Only you (and maybe your spouse) should get to judge where that line is.

Too many women sacrifice everything for family, and lose themselves in the process. This isn't healthy or appropriate.

Take care of you.

Cameron said...

I am so glad you posted this because I have always been that woman who knew I wanted to go back to work after having a baby. I haven't been able to yet because I'm still in school. I had my daughter in January & I was supposed to start my student teaching in January. Needless to say, it has been postponed. So I find myself home for 8 months & starting my student teaching at the end of August.

I have absolutely loved my time at home with my daughter, but it's also confirmed what I already knew - that I'm not really cut out for staying home all the time. I think being a teacher is a great job for a mom & I'm very excited to do it! I look forward to having something that I do & time that is just mine. I think we will all get along better with that setup & I think it's ok for me to say that.

I have several friends who are SAHMs & it works wonderfully for them & I think that's so great. It just isn't for me.

Melissa B. said...

The good news is that you HAVE a choice, correctamundo? I'm a working mom, and my chicas turned out great.

I Wonder Wye said...

Mom was a teacher in an era most women were stay-at-home moms (I grew up in the 60s and 70s) and I was so proud of her -- she was independent and smart and a feminist w/o being strident...there were a few odd 'women who lunched' who carped that mom 'had' to work (she didn't, and why it was their business to speculate is anyone's guess but it was the south)...stand proud. Your daughter will respect you for your choices.

Rachael said...

Hello there :) I am a brand new follower (and brand new blogger) but I wanted to say.. more power to you! Do what feels right to you and be proud of all that you can accomplish. I'm excited to read some more of your posts.

Judy said...

One daughter, an attorney, will tell you in a heartbeat that she LOVES being with her son, but there is NO WAY she could be a SAHM though she admires those who do. She doesn't feel guilty in the least and neither should you. The other daughter is saving up to have a child so that she can stay home. She thinks she would not be happy if she couldn't be a SAHM. I was a teacher, too, and it's a great profession for moms (and dads) in many ways. I know exactly what you mean by those moments with the children in your classroom, too. That was my world and I loved it for 32 years.

the shoafs said...

i am your newest follower :) i read this post and just knew that you and i would get along great! i am a teacher as well. i stayed at home with my kiddos for about 10 weeks each and then dutifully returned to work each and every time. i love my job....and quite honestly, i love the break from my kids. i adore each and every hair on their precious little heads, but i feel like i'm actually a better mommy for getting that "break". it doesn't hurt that my younger two stay with their grandmother during the day and that i just this year got transferred to the elementary school where my oldest will be starting kindergarten :) don't ever let anyone make you feel guilty for loving your job AND your child!

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