Tuesday, August 10, 2010

On My Own 2 Feet

I've always relied very heavily on my mother's advice and support, even though she hasn't always been spot on. Like when she insisted that I go to a very expensive college which caused me to rack up tens of thousands of dollars in student loans. Thanks mom. But she has been a tremendous help to me once Isabella was born.

She moved from New York to New Jersey to be close to us so she could watch Isabella while I worked and so that she could be part of her first grandchild's everyday life. Those first few months where I was a walking, talking zombie, well a crying zombie, she stepped up. She would come over and take shifts so I could rest, or cry some more in my bedroom. She let Isabella sleep over so Andy and I could enjoy a date night and sleep in. She'd stay over late so I could prepare dinner. She came with us to the mall, food shopping, for pictures just so I would have an extra set of hands to help out.

Then she got cancer and everything changed. Aside from dealing with that whole situation I found myself without any help. In the summer when I'm off and Andy was working it was just me and Isabella. Now I realize that many people have done this from the get go, but I didn't. I never had to; I always had help.

I was scared the first time I had to drive a long distance with her in the car and the first time we had to go grocery shopping alone, but staying in the house all day is no good for any of us. I get bored, she gets bored, no one is happy. I'm all about the day trips. So I did it. I was nervous and there may have been a meltdown or two, but I did it. I landed on my own two feet.

I blossomed as a mother. I learned to do it by myself. To wait out the tantrum while waiting in line to pay for groceries, so what if the old hag in the next aisle is giving me the stink eye, I've seen worse. To go to the pool without an extra set of hands to carry sippy cups/tubes/sunscreen/snacks/and pool toys. To load her into the car drive an hour into Brooklyn to spend the day with a friend who is expecting.

I can do it without anyone's help. I can manage the house and the baby and the day to day activities that need to be done by myself. And while I hope my mom has a speedy recovery from surgery, I am hoping that for unselfish reasons. I want her to get well but not because I need her to help me.

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11 comments:

Tanya said...

Love this post. I have always had help to from both my mother and mother in law. I just recently really took control of things and started doing things myself and I love it. I used to think I always need someone with Makenna and I because of her special needs and all of the extra stuff I have to have with me. I have figured out how to make it manageable.

Hope your mom gets well soon <3

Kat said...

What a sweet post! Just stumbled here from Life with Monster and got to catch up with Isabella's birth story. I hope your mom gets well soon!

Jess said...

I'm not a mother yet but I understand how you feel. Proving to yourself that you can handle things alone is very empowering and makes you appreciate it even more when there are extra hands around to help. But that help isn't because they HAVE to do it, it's because they WANT to do it. Good blog. :-)

Jenn said...

I completely relate to this. My daughter has been in day care since she was 8-weeks-old because I work. But, in the summer, my schedule is more flexible. I can't tell you how nervous I was the first few *mornings* (yes, mornings ... not even entire days, just a few hours) that I kept her home with me.

I still haven't attempted the pool alone though. I am not sure those swim diapers would even fit my child. I definitely don't know what I'd do if I had to change one. In public.

Mrslmk28 said...

I'm keeping your mom in my thoughts and prayers!!

I can relate to this as well. My mom takes care of Lillian. And I'm not sure I'd make it w/o her in our life.

Teresa said...

mama Galileo is a strong woman she will be back in no time. or i'll whoop her ass back into shape!

Jolynna said...

First of all, I love your baby's name. If I'd had another daughter, that is what I was going to name her. I have a daughter who is 21 now, and two teenage sons. I remember how hard everything was when they were babies. Going to the grocrey store was a huge feat with carseats, diaper bags and little hands who want to touch everything. I had my mom to help me some, but she worked full time. So I was on my own a lot. Just know that it may not get any easier for a while, but you will get stronger and more capable as you learn to manage your new baby and your new life. Hugs and best wishes to you! I hope and pray your mom will recover soon.

Life with Kaishon said...

Oh. I am so sad that your mom got sick. That had to be so scary. I can't even imagine. My mom helps me so much too. I am always thinking that I wonder how other people do it without help. It has to be crazy hard!

bernicewood said...

Touching post. I am glad you had your mom to help you in the past, and I am sure you will have that again. It is a great feeling, however, to know that you CAN do it yourself. I never had my mom's help, and I made it. I make sure that I provide help, in the right amounts, to my daughters.

check out my last post- http://bernicewood.wordpress.com/2010/08/10/crisis-prevention-101/

Nikki said...

What a great and honest post! It is amazing what we can accomplish on our own when we HAVE to and just put our minds to it!
I hope your mom has a speedy recovery as well...because mom's are the best!!

misssrobin said...

Very good for you and best wishes to your mom. Moms deserve to feel well.

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