I'm not a depressed person at all. I like to have fun. I like to smile. But I would definitely describe myself as very sensitive, over analytical, and introverted. I live up in my own head a lot and I tend to take things straight to the heart. I can say this about myself. A few years ago I couldn't. I was angry at the world and thought that it and everyone in it was out to hurt me. Well after a lot of spiritual soul searching, reading, praying, meditating yadda yadda yadda, I've realized that the only common denominator was me and I've worked/am working really hard on trying to clear out the negativity from my thoughts, body, and life. Sometimes I rock at it and sometimes not so much.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
However, every so often my hyper sensitivity kicks into high gear and for about a week or so I collect hurts. A hurt could be a coworker giving me the stink eye when I pick up a group from her class. It could be a friend not texting me back right away. Maybe my principal didn't smile at me when she passed me in the hallway. Perhaps I overheard someone inviting someone else to something and not including me. Things that shouldn't bother me and are kind of borderline silly all of a sudden do. And then after about a week of collecting these perceived hurts I spend a day or two in overspill; where it all kind of spills out. I call it an "episode".
I cry. I don't want to do anything but lie around on the couch and watch TV. I can't be bothered to get dressed in anything resembling anything coherent. I don't want to answer my phone or really talk to anyone. I drink more wine than usual. I eat food that is horribly fattening. I'm not myself. I'm sad and lonely and just really down. After a day or so it's over, I feel more myself, and I almost feel sort of silly and embarrassed about how I carried on.
Sometimes it coincides with that oh so special time of the month and sometimes it doesn't. If you ask my sister she'll swear on a stack of Bibles that I'm bi-polar, but I don't think so mostly because I'm never really "manic." And my episodes are fairly infrequent. I don't know if I'm certifiably bat shit crazy, completely hormonal, or just totally normal.
Posted by Melissa G. at 5:00 AM