Saturday, February 26, 2011

Left Out

I am uber sensitive to feeling left out or that people don't want to include me.  If friends get together and don't include me it bothers me for days.  If coworkers go for a drink and don't ask me it really hurts my feelings.  I'm always all "Why didn't they invite me?  What's wrong with me? They must hate me!"  I know that thinking like that isn't helping people want me around.  I mean who wants to be around a needy, insecure person?!

I understand that feeling that way isn't healthy for me and it puts me in a fowl mood, but I just don't know how to change it.  I don't really know if maybe people really just don't like me, if I'm not good company, if they don't think I'll be able to keep the plans, or if I'm just not front and center in their minds.

It's shitty to feel that way but I need to realize that the common denominator in me feeling left out is myself.  I think the solution to stopping the cycle of feeling like a loner is within.  I just need to figure out how to get there.
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4 comments:

Megan said...

I have had similar feelings before, but I finally decided that I know I am a fun loving energetic person to hang out with and some day they will realize that they missed out when they didn't invite me to a gathering. This was hard for a while for me when I had a few close girlfriends that then branched out to new friends of their own and then I felt left behind. But of course there are so many other things that I can do to keep myself busy/happy and if I don't get an invite to something I just think "oh well, maybe next time". Maybe what you could do is start inviting them to things, maybe you could be the planner and open up so that everyone knows just how fun you are! Hang in there!

Mrs. MidAtlantic said...

I know exactly how you feel. I try to overcompensate by being the first one to actively PLAN something, but it's hard to get over those feelings!

Rachel said...

I feel the same way. I don't know the answer. I am sorry you feel this way though it is not a very nice feeling.

marriagetocarriage said...

I used to feel this way when I would get left out and then I realized something. Even though I was feeling down that I was being left out of things, I rarely went out of my way to actually ORGANIZE get togethers and invite people to hang out with me. And I think this plays a huge role. Why should people invite someone to hang out with them who never invites them? I mean, I don’t think this is a conscious thing on their part like “you don’t invite me so I’m going to leave you out” but I think the people in a group of friends who all take turns organizing things tend to stand out in the minds of others when they go to organize a get together and the others tend to fall back into the shadows.

I don’t really know you, I haven’t read your blog (I just found it through a link from another blog) but if that at all sounds like you, and you want to make a change, try to organize a few things yourself and you’ll be surprised at the change you will see. If you already do this and are still being left out, I am not sure how to help.

I also firmly believe that while misery might love company, company doesn't love misery, so try to not let yourself get too down about this, or that will lead into a viscious cycle.

Good luck!

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