Thursday, February 24, 2011

Who I Was

When I was younger, let's say around 16-18, I was hot.  Or at least a hell of a lot hotter than I am now.  I had really long hair that was always done.  I was about 115-120 lbs.  My stomach was flat, my skin was smooth, and let's just say everything was still pointing up.  Ah the days when I could call gravity my friend.

And I'm not trying to get all down on myself now.  I'm not what I would consider ugly and I'm not obese, but I'm not looking my best.  I was at my cousin Christie's engagement party and I was rocking my Rent the Runway dress, I had my hair done, and I spent more than 30 seconds on my makeup.  I looked in the mirror and I thought I looked great.  I actually, for the first time in a long time that I felt really great about myself.

Until...

They started flashing pictures on giant screens that they had taken during the night.  Let's just say that I looked giant.  My gut looked huge.  My arms looked flabby.  And I looked crazy pale.  My friends are skinny minnies so that doesn't help things either.  I'm disappointed in my inability to lose weight.

I know I can't be 18 again and I know I'll never have a body like the superstars and models, but I don't like looking at those pictures and seeing what I saw.  It was a wake up call to say the least.


When I was younger I was known for being pretty and having a nice body.  It has been very difficult for me to lose that.  It's been very difficult to not be the "pretty one" in a group anymore.  It's been difficult to have to suck in my stomach, literally because it gets annoying.  Which I realize sounds beyond vain, but that's honestly how I feel, and if I can't be completely narcissistic here then where can I be?
  
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6 comments:

Maureen said...

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Dina said...

i totally feel your pain, I was 100 lbs until I was 21. And I always have the same experience thinking I look good until I see pix of myself, and then I get really depressed. If my head is a certain way I look like I have 3 chins. And like you I am not fat but I could stand to lose 10-15 lbs. ughh, i am glad I have a great husband and don't have to be in the dating scene, but I hate when I don't feel good about my looks. Right now I am trying to grow my hair back and I hate the way it looks during the in-between!

Desi said...

Melissa, I totally understand what you mean. Its hard to even feel like the prettiest one when you go out because hey you had 5 maybe 10 minutes to throw some make-up and clothes on and everyone else got to lounge in front of their mirror for hours. I think you look great. You look like you have a body and curves. I dont think the issues is that you don't have a nice body anymore, I think that it just feels and looks different than what you are used to. In my eyes, you look like a hot mama.

Elizabeth said...

I think you look great. After watching years of America's Next Top Model, my expert advice is to always put your hand on your hip and cock your should for maximum arm skinniness. You won't be sorry.

Elizabeth said...

*shoulder.

Mommyto3andahusky said...

I just found your blog and became your newest follower! :) Love your blog! :) Erin

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