When I was younger, let's say around 16-18, I was hot. Or at least a hell of a lot hotter than I am now. I had really long hair that was always done. I was about 115-120 lbs. My stomach was flat, my skin was smooth, and let's just say everything was still pointing up. Ah the days when I could call gravity my friend.
And I'm not trying to get all down on myself now. I'm not what I would consider ugly and I'm not obese, but I'm not looking my best. I was at my cousin Christie's engagement party and I was rocking my Rent the Runway dress, I had my hair done, and I spent more than 30 seconds on my makeup. I looked in the mirror and I thought I looked great. I actually, for the first time in a long time that I felt really great about myself.
They started flashing pictures on giant screens that they had taken during the night. Let's just say that I looked giant. My gut looked huge. My arms looked flabby. And I looked crazy pale. My friends are skinny minnies so that doesn't help things either. I'm disappointed in my inability to lose weight.
I know I can't be 18 again and I know I'll never have a body like the superstars and models, but I don't like looking at those pictures and seeing what I saw. It was a wake up call to say the least.
When I was younger I was known for being pretty and having a nice body. It has been very difficult for me to lose that. It's been very difficult to not be the "pretty one" in a group anymore. It's been difficult to have to suck in my stomach, literally because it gets annoying. Which I realize sounds beyond vain, but that's honestly how I feel, and if I can't be completely narcissistic here then where can I be?