Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Is This It?

I am fabulous on paper.  I have a husband who loves me and is a hands on dad.  I have a beautiful, healthy, smart daughter.  I have a job that I love, that I'm good at, and that I'm in no danger of losing.  I have a lovely home.  My car is paid for outright.  I have girlfriends to go out with when I want to.  My family is very close, both emotionally and physically.  We're not living paycheck to paycheck.

So with so many abounding blessings why do I feel this deep sense of dissatisfaction?  Why does it feel like something is missing?  I feel like I'm in the middle of some sort of cliche existential crisis.  Why am I being such a whiny little brat when I've been so fortunate?

The way I am is that I'm always thinking of the next step.  For better or for worse this is how my brain seems to be wired.  I finished college, got a job, got married, bought a house, traveled, had a baby...what's the next step?  What happens after this?  I'm taking classes for my next salary step, I'm probably the highest I'll get in my career since I have zero desire to be an administrator.  A bigger house?  A bigger family?

I don't know the answers but I intend to find out.  I want to enjoy the life I have.  I want to feel a deep sense of gratitude when I look around at the life I've built for myself.  So I think I need to do a bit of discovery to find out what the problem is and how to fix it because right now my life is not fully alive.
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6 comments:

Dani G said...

Yes, yes, yes. Totally. I'm right there with ya!

Mrs. MidAtlantic said...

I feel exactly the same way. It's like I had a little checklist of things to do, and I have checked them all off. I think I need a new to-do list!

Rachel said...

I think there are some of us that are hardwired to keep reaching. We need goals to master and check off the list. Its not a bad thing since things can always get better!

Desi said...

I am in a totally different place. Unable to work, but went to college, went to grad school, had a baby, got married...but not using any of my education because I moved to Canada and can't work! Its so frustrating. However, I can definitely relate to the feeling of dissatisfaction.

Alex said...

Give your self time to figure it out and in the mean time enjoy your life and take it day by day and one day, you'll just wake up and say " this is what I've been missing"

The BabbyMama @ IKHIBF said...

@Desi Don't knock it - I'd give anything to be in your shoes!

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