Friday, April 15, 2011

Deadbeat Dad

Let me just start off by saying that Andy is a very hands on father who probably spends more time with Isabella than I do just because of the way his schedule works BUT that doesn't mean he never pisses me off and forces me to give him the stink eye over and over.  Here's my issue:

Andy is a "relaxer".  Even before Isabella bounded into our world, Andy always liked to take it easy.  On vacation he would be content to lie on the beach in the morning, take a mid afternoon nap, and then play pool volleyball until it was time to for dinner.  Meanwhile, I'd be planning excursions, scoping the shopping scene, and checking out all the different places to eat.  So it naturally fits his personality to like to do more low key things with us as a family: go for walks, go to the park, go to the gym, and just lounge around the house.  It also naturally fits my personality to prefer to do bigger things: Liberty Science Center, Children's Museum, Kid Junction (indoor play area), swim class, Zoo etc.  I calm down a bit in the summer but I love to give Isabella a lot of different experiences.

The nature of Andy's job, State Trooper, is that he works half the month midnights, half the month days, and rotating days off.  I work full time so we only get 2 weeks of evenings together (and no one is doing anything at 5pm) and then 2 weekends a month together.  So when we do get time together, I'll try to plan a fun day out, he'll agree, then the day of he says he doesn't want to go and why don't we just lay low.  It was mildly annoying at first but now it's really getting to me.  I understand that his job is taxing and he needs his down time, but between my commute and my own work I'm not picking daisies all day either.

I think a part of it is that I get so overwhelmed sometimes of going to things by myself: birthday parties, engagement parties, family play dates which is difficult but I understand if he's working.  I think that's just why when he's off I really look forward to doing things as a family.  I know I can't get my way all the time, which is an unfortunate part of being an adult, but I shouldn't never get my way either.

Honestly, I'm tired of letting Andy make the decisions on how we spend our time.  From now on I'm just going to decide what I want to do, within limits, and just do it by myself.  I'm not nervous to drive far with her alone or to go places when I'm by myself, so I'll just go and if he wants to come that's great and if he doesn't he can sit home and watch sports center.  He'll probably choose sports center which will make me want to claw his eyes our but this is my stance and I'm sticking with it.  I figure if I plan it fair maybe he'll come around...Saturday at the children's museum and Sunday at the park.  That's all I got.
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Emily said...

My husband is also a relaxer. I feel like weekends are for doing things as a family and he'd love to relax and let the kids watch TV (sometimes). I feel ya!

Crystal Jigsaw said...

My husband is a workaholic but that's the way he was brought up, as a farmer, 24/7. We rarely do things together even though while I've been unable to drive these past 18 months, he has been my chauffeur! But I take Amy places on our own, not often because of our commitments to the farm, but he never comes if he doesn't need to. He has his interests and I have mine but that makes no difference to the way we feel about each other.

CJ xx

Kaymee said...

Unfortunately, I understand exactly where you're coming from. With Jared being an officer now, when he comes home, he's beat...which still leaves me caring for job is seriously 24/7...he doesn't see it that way :-/

Eschelle said...

ugh I hear every word... *sigh* we all need to win the lottery, i've decided lol!

Kristin from our growing garden said...

I totally understand your frustration, but calling him a deadbeat dad? Isn't that kinda harsh?

Eclipsed said...

I don't think its harsh. Especially if you read it you can see that I name a lot of his good points. I don't think he's really a dead beat, but it was a catchy title.

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