Thursday, April 28, 2011

What Would She Say?

I went out last weekend to celebrate 3 of my girlfriend's birthdays.  Nothing nuts.  We went out to dinner and then hit up a Dave and Busters and it was a really good time.  But it got me thinking...doesn't everything?...what would my younger self think if she could see me today?

What would the carefree, free-spirited, party girl think if she saw me in all my suburban living, frumpy clothes wearing, home by midnight glory?  Would she be proud of me for sewing so many wild oats before becoming a mom or would she think I was lame with a side of lamesauce?

I don't know, but sometimes I think of her and what she wanted.  She wanted to do big things, to make her mark, to live free and passionately.  Then I think of where I am...stable, family oriented, mortgage, coupons .  I've carved out a respectable life for myself and I've worked hard to get where I am, but there's a bit of nostalgia there, a bit of a feeling of selling out and becoming part of the herd.  Of being mediocre.  Not special, like I thought I would be, just average.

I mean everything about me is pretty much average:  I'm not short, but I'm not tall.  You'd never call me fat, but you'd never call me thin either.  My blog isn't a fledgling anymore, but it's no Dooce or Blair.  I'm not in the poor house, but I'm no Housewife of Beverly Hills.  I'm just kind of in the middle.  I'd love to write a book or maybe steal Dr. Oz away from his wife...I don't know something a bit more.

I think my old me would love me for the life I have, but push me to dream a bit bigger.  And maybe put some make up on once in a while.
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The Juggling Mama said...

Hi Melissa, I'm Jillian and I'm a new visitor to your blog. This was the very first post I read and I don't regularly comment on people's blogs- but what you wrote about sewing all your oats when you were younger and wondering what your younger self would say to you now really spoke to me. I was a wild child as a teenager too and settled down and did a total 180 when I met my husband and had my son (who is now 1). Sometimes I feel really average too and like maybe I sold out as well with just going with the pack and doing what everyone else did. When I was younger I used to think I would be different, I told everyone that would listen that I would never get married and have kids and become a "boring suburbanite". Besides the boring part (I hope), that's what I've become. I love my life and couldn't see it any other way. But sometimes I do wonder what my 17- year old self would think about me...

Alex said...

If my younger self saw me today, working mom, wife she would say YEAH RIGHT!!!

Erica said...

I've never thought my life would be this happy.

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