Thursday, May 19, 2011

Parent In Love Not Anger

Being a parent is wrought with frustration, cajoling, tears, worry, and...yes...anger.  Anger is a natural emotion and getting angry is a normal part of life, whether you have a child or not.  It's how we handle our anger that matters.  I've definitely raised my voice to Isabella before and I'd love to sit here and say I've only done it when she was in imminent danger, but I've definitely yelled at her to stop running away from me when I want to change her diaper or to stop throwing her food on the floor for the 30th time.

I'm not proud of it, in fact it's something I really try to control and I'm ashamed to say that sometimes I've really, really yelled.  I don't want to scare her or make her think she's not safe.  So I really try to parent in love and not in anger.  It's that initial flash of anger that I'm talking about.  If I can ride that out, I know I can push past it.  But there are definitely moments when I'm overwhelmed and the anger spills out.  Like I just worked all day, Andy's not home, and I'm trying to make dinner.  She's at my feel crying to be picked up so she can sit on the counter, but she needs to wait until I can clear it off and she's crying, dinner is burning, and so am I.  Sometimes I'll snap, "cut it out" or "jeez Isabella give me a break" or just "stop it right now".  I know I'm angry and I shouldn't be hollering at a 2 year old, but in the moment sometimes it's difficult to reign in the emotions.

But I'm working on it.  I remember my secret of adulthood that I should act the way I want to feel, and even though it's difficult, I try to act like I'm not angry and it's been helpful in those heat of the moment anger flashes.  I've also tried removing myself from the situation to catch my breath, if that's possible.  And if I do raise my voice, I try to tell her that mommy is sorry and I shouldn't have yelled at her.  What can I say...I'm a work in progress.
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ShorT1882 said...

I just kinda blogged about the same thing. I am having a real tough go of it lately and I try and keep my cool but honestly I can only shoulder so much. I can totally validate your feelings...

Alex said...

Just this morning I yelled at my son because I wanted him to brush his teeth and we were running late. I felt bad and I said I was sorry. We are only human and we just have to try to do better.

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