Monday, June 6, 2011

Happiness Project June: Marriage

First of all I am beyond giddy that it's June!  Summer is here and my days at work are in the teens before summer vacation.  But I'm also happy because this month's happiness theme is marriage.  The relationship I have with Andy is probably the most important relationship in my life.  It binds our family unit together and provides an example for Isabella on what a marriage, or a relationship, should look like.  But marriage is work and there are some things about mine that I'd like to focus on to make it better.

Studies show that releasing anger actually does not make you feel better it just breeds more anger and volatile reactions, but as a closing exercise I am going to say all the things Andy does that drives me bananas in an effort to move on and make things better.  I'll admit that some of them are ridiculous and are more reflective of my own issues, but this is my blog and if he wants to bitch about me he'll just have to start his own!

  • the man will put dishes on the side of the sink.  The sink will be completely empty, but instead of putting the dishes in the sink he'll pile them up next to it.  It doesn't make any sense to me at all. 
  • He's a clutterbug.  We have a draw with unopened mail, he piles his shit on the stairs or on the dining room table and I hate clutter.  It gets me all balled up and tight assed.  Throw your shit away and/or put it where it belongs...now, not in 3 days.
  • He naps a lot and nothing gets me angrier than a sleeping man.  It might be because I use Isabella's nap time to clean, do laundry, and whatnot.  
  • He complains a lot.  When he works midnights he complains that he can't sleep.  When he works days he complains that he's exhausted.  When he's off he complains that his stomach hurts or that he ate too much or that his back hurts or that he's still tired.  It's like a veritable bitchfest.  
  • He never wants to go out to eat or order food.  
  • Most of the housework falls on my shoulders.
  • He doesn't gain weight.  He can drink a gallon of beer and a bucket of wings and he'll gain like a pound.  And then all he has to do to lose that pound is to cut it down to a half a gallon and a half a bucket and he's good to go again. 
  • He thinks he's the most wonderful person to walk the Earth and that he does everything around the house to help me.  Sometimes I call him Mr. Wonderful and ask him if he'd prefer a statue or a medal to commemorate the fact that he did the laundry and put the toys away when my to-do list is 28 items deep every week.
  • He's in charge of cleaning the bathrooms and he does it maybe once a month.  Disgust!  
  • He's selfish.
  • He makes fun of the reality shows that I watch.
Now in all fairness, this list is very one sided.  He does do a lot of great things.  He's an amazing, hands on dad.  He tries to create special daddy-daughter rituals like weekday bagel runs and walks after dinner.  He gets the oil changed in my car.  He doesn't harass me about my multiple etsy charges. He sets up the coffee pot for me and makes my lunch.  He lets me sleep in an extra hour when he's on midnights.  He talks about our family's future with such gusto that it's contagious.  

So here are my resolutions for June:

Show Proofs of Love: in the Happiness Project book, Gretchen Rubin says there is no love only proofs of love.  And while I don't agree wholeheartedly with that, it is nice to show small proofs of love.  Bring him home a sandwich that I know he'll love even if it will make my car reek.  I can tell him to go to the gym while I put the baby to bed.  I can make sure he wakes up and the coffee is brewing.  Small things to make a big difference.

Don't Expect Recognition: I'm sure I'm not alone when I say that I will list out all of the things that I've done to my husband.  How many times have you had this conversation:
Husband: Can you get me a glass of water?
Wife: Seriously?! I just cleaned the kitchen, swept and mopped the floors, and now I need to go and fold the clothes.  
Husband: I wasn't that thirsty anyway.  
If I do something that's good or that needs to be done it should be for those reasons alone, not to lord it over Andy.  

Quit Nagging: I hate the way I sound when I nag.  I hate nagging Andy into submission.  This is gonna be a tough one, but if I can keep my cool I think I might be able to keep Andy from being henpecked to death.  

Fight Right: Stick to the issue at hand.  Talk don't yell.  Avoid the use of the words "always" and "never" and don't bring up every bad thing he's done in the past decade.  Tell him what I expect rather than expecting him to read my mind.  

Here's to June! 


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2 comments:

Mrs. T said...

Thanks for the reminders. I think we can all relate to those issues! ha ha
Funny how are comical on "paper" but not so much in the moment!

Krysta said...

There is nothing that angers me more than my napping husband!! Where is my nap? Oh wait, when baby naps I have to use that time to catch up on 38798273 household chores. UGH!!

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