Friday, June 10, 2011

No Jury Would Convict Me

Picture this...it's been a long day.  You've been working hard all day, sitting in hours of traffic, cooking dinner, cleaning up, running errands.  You put the baby to bed, go to the gym, take a shower, get everything set up for the next day.  Finally, finally, you crash into bed next to your already snoozing husband.  Your entire body aches and all you want to do is meld into your pillow.

...and then you hear it...

the loud snoring coming from the body next to you.  And not just a gentle wheezing, I mean an out and out chainsaw sleeping in the bed next to you.  At this point you're just mildly annoyed so you give him a slight kick, a gentle nudge.  That stops it for a second, and in that second you try your hardest to fall asleep before it starts up again...no dice.  So then your kick gets harder and more urgent because if you don't fall asleep soon your eyeballs are going to start burning.  This startles him awake, "Honey you're snoring," you say.  He grogily, turns over and you start to fall into a light sleep when it starts again.  Is it possibly louder than before? So you pinch his nose.  "Stop snoring right now".  This does not make the beast happy.  "Knock it off," he says as he falls immediately back to sleep and you try so hard to fall asleep, but in an eighth of a second later, he's at it again.  So you have no choice, you bludgeon him to death before you fall into sweet slumber.

Now if you were on a jury, would you convict me?
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15 comments:

Bethany said...

Nope, I would not at all!! That sounds just like my night 95% of the time!! Fun isnt isnt it?

Mrs. MidAtlantic said...

Not guilty!

Steffanie said...

That was my night last night and the night before that and the night before that; well, you get it. I'd go with not guilty.

Wiley said...

Amen. And blogger is letting me comment on a blog for the first time in like a week!

Mrs. T said...

I don't have that problem, but I do have a blanket thief! So frustrating! We have a queen sized bed but I'm thinking we really need a California King size douvet! ugh!

Eschelle said...

I wouldn't!

ruthhill74 said...

My mom puts up with this regularly. I can fully understand!

Mrslmk28 said...

OMG I can't stand that. It all makes perfect sense why my mom would crawl in bed with me as a kid. My father is a horrible snorer and I am scared Kevin is going to be as well by the sound of it!

Alex said...

agh! its so annoying isn't it? and then they get mad at you because you wake them up... the nerve!

Laney said...

LOL, Not guilty!

misssrobin said...

As long as you have all women on the jury, I think you'll be fine.

My husband and I have separate rooms, for reasons other than this. But every now and then we think it will be fun to share a bed. The other night I invited him for a sleepover. Let's just say, I won't be doing that again any time real soon. I barely slept at all. He didn't even sleep well. I know it freaks people out, but it works for us. And I sleep wonderfully!

Patty said...

Umm. Yeah.That WAS me. Now he sleeps in the study. We're both happier this way. He gets his cold room and I get a quiet one.
This is why we'll be celebrating our 24th anniversary this November.
And I do invite his for sleepovers every once in a while.
As long as he goes to his room right after ;)
P.S. Happy SITS day :D

Adrian's Crazy Life said...

In our marriage, I'm the guilty party and I feel so bad about it, but honestly I have tried EVERYTHING. Special pillows, nose sprays, decongestants, Breath-rite strips, mouth guards, I've even been to two specialists and am considering nasal surgery.

On the other hand, I'm kind of thinking he should just deal with it. There are tons of wives like you who just have to live with a snoring husband and they probably don't do half the stuff I've done to try and solve the problem.

I think separate bedrooms sounds heavenly! Then I could snore all I want and not feel guilty!

Beth in NC said...

Ha! Here I thought you were going to say he wanted to get romantic. See, that is my issue here. My husband doesn't snore, but after waiting on my parents, my child, and him ... I just want time to myself!

tori.nelson said...

Because I'm just this passive aggressive, I totally gave myself a "snoring problem" for a few weeks. The Mister was furious that he couldn't get any sleep. Then he realized he sounded like that every. single. night. Breathing strips are ugly but oh so glorious!

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