Tuesday, June 21, 2011

The Week of Extreme Nice

In June I'm focusing on my marriage...I'm trying to do things and not throw them in my husband's face in order to get recognition.  I'm trying to lessen the nagging and to fight clean.  I decided to bolster up my happiness project (click HERE to read about the start of my happiness project) with a Week of Extreme Nice.

First of all, it is very difficult to be nice on a Monday.  It's just too sad a day to be extremely nice to anyone, so it was more along the lines of The Better Part of a Week of Extreme Nice.  My goal for the week was to be really really nice.  I was going to avoid pointing out all of the things Andy wasn't doing, avoid pointing out all the ways he was making more work for me, I was going to stop rolling my eyes, stop huffing and puffing at every request, and just be nice.

Now don't think I was planning on being a pushover or a yes-dear-whatever-you-say-dear wife for the week.  If Andy's being a doucher I always call him on it and he does the same for me.  I was just experimenting on seeing if it made a difference if I treated him as kindly as I would treat a stranger.

It was interesting to say the least and I never had a perfect day, but I did really try.  If he asked me to grab him a drink of water, instead of telling him to get it himself or rolling my eyes at him, I just did it.  I asked what he'd like for dinner instead of just picking it all myself.  When I cleaned the house and made Isabella's birthday cake, I never once threw it in his face how much work it was.  And I made sure to get him a really thoughtful Father's Day gift.  I also didn't moan too loudly when I came home from work and found 3 diapers (not used) just sitting on the dining room table, even though we have a diaper basket 10 feet away.  There was a task he was supposed to take care of that he never did and instead of bullying him about it, I just took care of it.

There were several things I learned during this week:
1. The first two months of my happiness project (April: Organization and May: Physical) were a lot easier for me because I was only focusing on myself.  This month I had to work on a relationship with another person and there was a lot I couldn't control and it was difficult for me at times.  It wasn't the point of the experiment, but it's interesting to note.

2.  Andy will never function like I do.  His skin won't crawl at the sight of an unkempt kitchen, he'll never make a to-do list even though I've constantly extolled their benefits to him, he'll never complete things on my time frame (right away), but will go on his own schedule (excruciatingly slow and revolving around commercials).  And I need to accept that.  We're on the same team, the same side and I know that.

3.  I do more than he does in regards to the house and if were ever to get off his high horse I think he would have to admit that too.  However, I do more because it means more to me.  He couldn't care less if the bookshelf is dusted, so to get mad at him for not caring isn't really fair.  And even though I do more chores than him, it doesn't mean that he doesn't help out.  He does the dishes every night, he cleans and sets up my coffee pot, he fills up my water bottles, he takes out the trash, and he does laundry.  And most importantly, he takes care of Isabella without the slightest prodding.

4.  The more proofs of love I show him, the more he shows me.  This week he gave me a massage out of nowhere and brought home Chipotle for me.

I learned a lot this week, but I really didn't put my full self into it so I'm glad that my resolutions don't expire and I can continue working on this throughout the year.

***If you want to read about last month's Extreme Week click HERE***
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