Friday, September 23, 2011

Freedom

There are many things that I had pre-baby that I still long for, sleeping in, a backseat that isn't covered in cheerios and goldfish, thighs that don't rub together like a cricket.  But of all the things I miss, there's one I've been missing a lot more lately.  Freedom ::cue Mel Gibson with his blue face and plaid skirt::

Freedom to go where I want and do what I want.  I guess this would even extend to before marriage.  Oh what would it be like to go shopping without nagging thoughts of a house payment, a car payment, and a Fall wardrobe for Isabella.  To buy something just because it was beautiful and I loved it without worrying if I'd have to live on Ramen noodles for the week or if it would go on sale or if they had something that doesn't look as great, but was cheaper.

Freedom to stay out all night without worrying about quizzical looks from my husband or worrying about how to nurse a hangover and meet all the demanding needs of a toddler.  To not have to leave a night out early because I have to wake up with the baby the next day.  To feel beautiful, not stretched out and saggy.

Freedom to stay in my pajamas all day long watching Teen Mom, Jersey Shore, Glee, and all my Housewives.  Just the freedom to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted without worrying or answering to anybody.

Now I haven't gone completely bat shit crazy because I'm pretty sure that even before Andy and Isabella I couldn't really have gone out all the time, spent a ton of money on clothes, although I did have trash TV marathons regularly, but it's nice to dream.  I don't know, I've kind of been in a weird mood lately.  Getting back into the routine of work again feels just like that...a routine.  I'm feeling chained to this routine, like I'm living my life inside some little box and it's making me nuts.  I don't want to run off and join the circus or anything but my life feels a bit gray right now and it desperately needs a splash of color.  I have to shake things up a bit before I start feeling like a prisoner in my own life.
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