Friday, November 18, 2011

Facebook Faux Pas

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You see, facebook is a tricky thing.  On the one hand it brings you together with the kid whose books you dropped  that one time in the library 15 years ago, on the other hand it can be really confusing especially with it's thumbnail profile pictures and the aging memory of it's users, namely me.  Let me tell you a tale.  I get a facebook friend request from a guy that I went to grammar school with, let's call him Thomas Smith I accept and a few moments later I get a message that looks like this:

Thomas Smith: Hey Melissa!  How are you?  I see you have a daughter.  She's beautiful.  Congratulations. How have you been?

So in my mind I remember the pilly little shit this guy was in grammar school.  He was insanely smart and never missed an opportunity to make you feel stupid.  He'd call you out on anything and if you asked him for help he would blow you off.  He was an arrogant little shit head and I hated his guts.  So I'm thinking that he's probably some sort of wizard by now or something so I craft a really great response to make my life sound awesome, because isn't that what facebook really is?  Bumping up the good stuff while sweeping the ugly under the rug so people get a one sided perspective of your life and think you're awesome sauce?!?

And my response was something along these lines:  Hey Thomas.  How have you been? I have a beautiful little girl named Isabella.  I'm teaching the gifted and talented class at a Blue Ribbon school.  My husband and I own a house in Jersey.  What have you been up to?

Thomas Smith:  That's great!  I work as a cashier at the grocery store and as a dishwasher at a restaurant. I have my own place.

Ummm...wait, what?  Upon closer inspection of the thumbnail profile picture which my lazy ass didn't click on before I sent the message and it turns out it wasn't Thomas Smith the doucher from grammar school, but Thomas Schmidt the mentally slow kid who used to hang out with my group of friends.  We used to look out for him.

Head meet keyboard

My next post was way more heartfelt and modest, but OMG, what an ass I am.  Actually it's easier for me to just blame facebook.
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