Friday, November 11, 2011

Oh To Be First

I may have given Isabella life.  Carefully guarded that precious life for 9 months and then labored to bring her into this world, but those days are long gone and I'm no where even close to the top of her list.  She's obsessed with my mother, which I get...ALL kids are obsessed with my mom.  She never tells them no and gives them whatever they want.  She's also really into Andy right now.  When he's home she's all about him and that's it, a true daddy's girl.  But when either of them are around it's not like she just prefers them to me, it's like she hates me.  I can't sing with her or dance with her, I can't take her to the bathroom or help her in her chair.  I can't give her a bath.  I can't even touch the remote control without her saying, "No daddy do it" or "I want Grandma".  She's even gone as far as saying, "I don't like Mommy" or even crying when I tried to give her a bath.  The only time she's ever really nice to me is when it's just the two of us.

I know that kids go through phases and I know that there are times when she does want me, be it few and far between.  I work.  I'm out of the house a lot.  But I won't lie and say that it doesn't hurt or that it makes me worry that maybe I'm failing her in some way.  Maybe she really does hate me.  I don't know, but what I wouldn't give to be first in her life in some way.  It breaks my heart.
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Wiley said...

It does hurt.

My recommendation? Come up with something special and secret that y'all do together. My older son (complete daddy's boy - I blame professional exams and as a result am trying to secretly turn the younger one into a momma's boy) and I go out and procure breakfast on Saturday mornings. We "sneak out" without anyone hearing us (yeah right with a four-year-old) and talk, laugh and play and almost always remember to get food. It's our thing and that makes it nice.

misssrobin said...

I'm sorry. Rejection hurts, no matter who it comes from. But when it comes from someone you've given so much to it hurts a lot more.

It may not help, but it is completely normal. I promise. And each child is different. But mom is rejected the most because she's there the most. It's easy for you to be taken for granted. She knows you will always be there. Other people are the special treat that she doesn't always get.

It will get better. For now, try to take advantage of it and let someone else do some of the work. She will give you millions of opportunities to serve her.

Thanks again for stopping by on my SITS day. It made it extra special to see some old friends. I hope you have a lovely weekend.

Rachel said...

Oh Melissa I am sorry. I am sure it is just a phase and one day it will be all about mommy! Besides you are her constant. You will always be there for her! Be proud that you are raising a child who is confident that her Mom loves her no matter what!

The Blonde Duck said...

I'm not a mom yet, but this sounds so hard!

Melissa said...

It can be very difficult to feel that type of rejection from your child. My son has always been very close to his dad. I am ALWAYS the bad guy in every situation. I would like to think that they are aware of our unconditional love as a mother. As humans we tend to treat the people who we know will always be there...the worst! Try not to take it too personal. Hard. I know. Be there and never stop trying.

Jenny said...

That's heartbreaking- but hang in there. Plan something special for the two of you and give her time. Kids do go through phases!
Thanks for stopping by my blog.

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