Monday, February 20, 2012

Letting Go

Letting Go is a resolution for this month's Happiness Project in which I'm focusing on cultivating a better attitude.  Letting go isn't always easy for me since I tend to overanalyze and harp on things.  I've had tons of imaginary arguments in my head because I can't just let things go, but I'm too passive to get into a real argument.  The inability to let go of slights, both real and perceived, has sent me into the corner to cry quietly into my Pinot Noir.

But I'm working on self-improvement and I knew that this would be one of the hardest things to tackle.  So this month when my sister was acting weird to me, at least I think she was acting weird...we all went out to dinner and she was really super nice to all of the other girls, but she was kind of standoffish to me.  This is not the first time I've felt that way around her.  I don't even remember the last time she and I had a conversation that wasn't terse and to the point or the last time that we hung out just her and I, but again I'm completely willing to admit that this might be all in my head.  I do have a good dose of the crazy in me.  Anyway on the way home I started to brood.  I could feel myself slipping into the dark place with the kleenex and the wine and the sad, but I didn't want that to happen.  So what to do?

I know that I should try and act the way I wanted to feel.  I wanted to feel happy and light, like the worries would just roll off me like raindrops off a duck's back.  But I'm a practical person and I need practical steps to get there.  So I put on a happy song that makes me want to belt it out and dance.  So I blasted "You Can't Stop the Beat," from Hairspray.  It felt kind of forced at first, but before I knew it I was starting to feel better.  Staving off the shadows one note at a time.  I felt good.

I used to also feel really left out a lot if I wasn't included in everything, but even those feelings are waning because I'm trying to not harp on every little thing.  I can be really oversensitive, and I need to continue to work on ways to emotionally compensate for that.

Letting go made me feel lighter and less dark and twisty.
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CrazyBabyTalk said...

It's all so much easier said than done, isn't it?!? Good luck on your resolution and keep us updated.

Charlotte said...

I have the same problem with this. I tend to let things fester because I just can't stand confrontation of any kind... and then I find myself increasingly frustrated by my inability to cut through the BS. I'm glad you found a way to get back to your happy place though. That's half the battle!

Kirby said...

I love that you are doing a Happiness Project! Letting go is super difficult, but I think it just takes practice. I often feel the same way when I think I've been left out of an event. I am currently reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin- it's hard to keep everyone happy, but it sure feels good to be happy myself! I enjoy your blog!

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