Friday, February 3, 2012

What I'm Worried About

Motherhood and worry tend to go hand in hand.  Sometimes I think it's just womanhood and worry go hand in hand, but lately I've been worried about some things and I'd like to get them off my chest.

1.  Isabella is very smart and she's also highly anal retentive, just like dear old mom, but I feel like sometimes her desire to have everything be a certain way or to be "right' is hindering her creativity.  For example, she doesn't really like to draw.  She likes to tell me what to draw for her.  One day she wanted me to draw a monster and I asked her why she didn't just want to do it herself and she said she didn't know how.  That makes me sad for her.  I don't ever want to feel like she's under that much pressure to be perfect.  I'm wondering if it's something I've done to make her like that.

2.  I'm really worried about the house.  We had a few realtors come in and are torn between two.  One is a really nice lady who seems like she's really committed to selling it.  The other is an annoying guy, who seems like he knows a ton about the business and is pricing it competitively, but he kept saying "Oh you can always pull it off the market in 6 months if it doesn't sell."  I want someone aggressive, but smart and I really just don't know what to do.  I feel like there are 10 other homes for sale in this complex alone and some of them have fireplaces and driveways and I'm really freaked the fuck out that I'm going to be stuck in this townhouse forever.

3.  I want Isabella to start pre-school next year.  Schools are starting the registration process now.  I don't know where I'm going to be living in September so I don't know where to register her.

4.  I get worried that I don't interact enough with Isabella.  I worry that I'm on the computer too much.  I worry that I'm not doing enough to show her how much I love her.  Am I a really bad slacker mom?  Do I let her watch too much TV.  Am I really present and engaging with her?  It gnaws at me.  Sometimes when I get home from work I'm so worn out that crashing on the couch with a cup of tea sounds better to me that getting down on the floor and playing with her stuffed animals.  It makes me feel guilty and I should just use that guilt as a motivation to be better.

That seems like a lot to worry about.  But today is Friday and it won't be too long before wine is available ;)
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4 comments:

Madonna said...

I can't remember how I came across your blog, but I feel like I can relate to your posts, like this one. We are looking to move this year also, and I have no idea what to do about preschool. Or daycare. Or anything. It does not seem to plague the Hubs as much as it does me, but I wish I had a crystal ball.

And I too, wonder if I'm spending enough quality time with E. I'm there with her, but the house needs to be picked up, I need to de-stress from work, or cook dinner. I made it my New Years resolution and have been more conscientious of it. I have discovered that dedicating myself to her on the weekends has helped, because during the week, sometimes we both need "alone" time. Hope you find some answers soon!

Kie310 said...

I have a lot of the same worries you do, I think all of them really!

But the last one hits home with me. After a 8-9 hour work day, I get home and I just want to put on some trashy TV and zone out... I then feel nothing but guilt as I 1/2 ass my way through the 2 hours that I'm even awake with Grayson.

I have no answers, just empathy!!

Eclipsed said...

I'm so glad I'm not alone in this. I feel so guilty for putting my own need to destress above the need for Isabella and I to spend time together. I'm always worried that whatever I'm doing is just not enough.

Robin said...

I feel like you are another version of me... I have the same worries, and overanalyze much the same way. Motherhood gnaws at me too. Love reading you; put a link in my blog to your blog today! You're great

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