Tuesday, July 31, 2012

A Visit From My Sister

A visit from my sister always has me feeling like less than myself.  She came over the other day in a flurry of red hair and tattoos, drawing the energy of the room to herself in a way that seems so effortless  it leaves you completely confounded.  I've written before about feeling like a peripheral friend to my main group of girlfriends: Meaghan (my sister), Christie, Crotch, Christina, Teresa, Lara, and Ally.  I'm a little bit older.  I live in NJ whereas they all live in Brooklyn.  I have a child and none of them do and I just have a lot more financial responsibilities like mortgages and student loans.  I get it...I lift right out.

After my miscarriage I got a lot of phone calls and text messages from them, but slowly that has faded out.  So my sister is here and she's talking to Lara and there all buddy buddy, "Oh maybe I'll meet you there that sounds like so much fun" and here I am home all summer with built in babysitters and I haven't a clue what they're talking about because apparently I'm not good enough or fun enough to be included.  And Meaghan is all,"Oh yeah me and Christie were talking" and "Oh, I need to call Crotch".

And it makes me feel less than myself.  I wish I was the one that people called on the phone and wanted to talk to and I'm not.  When I was younger I was so fun and confident and fun to be around and the older I get the more introverted, awkward, and just plain weird I become and I don't know what's wrong with me or why I am the way I am or why all of my friends have pulled so far away from me or I from them that I don't even feel connected to my group anymore. Although my cousin Christie  has been really thoughtful lately.

Plus, they're all going to Miami this week and I can't go because of the fact that we're trying to make a baby and I really can't afford it and I'm feeling really left out and out of the loop while my sister is making plans for shopping and waxing and drinks and I lay by the wayside, forgotten.
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4 comments:

Jo said...

O Melissa you need a big night out. With lots of laughing and drinking and fun. No 'mommy duty'.

I would suggest that you remind them all and yourself of how much fun you can be and have. When they get back from Miami you should organize a big night out. You decide what you want to do and call them and tell them is is what is going to happen.

I'm also the only one of my friends with kids so I know how you feel.

Or if you had some cash lying around and you were not house hunting/trying for a baby I would suggest jumping on a plane over to Belgium. Good time guaranteed!

simplysheila said...

It's hard to stay positive when you feel left behind. As they always say 'the grass is greener on the other side', and who knows maybe one or two of your group are feeling the same about you.

Cheer up and go get yourself a manicure {or better yet splurge for a pedicure if you can}!

{Stopping over from SITS}

Ariel @ Dreams To Do said...

Um, I have a few things to say...

1 - I totally want to make you a silhouette to hang in your someday new house, so send me a profile photo of your darling daughter. ariel {at} dreamstodo {dot} com. And let me know what colors/style you like.

2 - I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to hand deliver it to you so that we can consume mass quanities of booze and drown our self-pity sorrows away. I totally feel like a loser with no friends, too.

3 - You have a friend named Crotch? That's awesome.

Doesn't loneliness suck? Being a mom is amazing, but it's super hard in ways that I never imagined before I had kids. Happy thoughts heading your way.

h_esquire said...

I am the first of my close friends to have a baby so I hear what you're saying there. I also have a sister who seems to have the best luck in the world, two kids who sleep through the night and a house with a view. So I'm getting the sister stuff too.
I tend to guffaw when my girlfriends invite me for a night of drinking downtown because trying to explain the logistics that would go into me going drinking for a night right now are too much for childless friends to understand. And I felt lonely at times too.
Here's what I did - I had a girls night in at my place. I know you're at your 'rents but I'm sure they'd understand you having some girlfriends over for cocktails on the patio. Cheaper than the bar, you can have mocktails and you're at home so no cab fare needed. But it also let's your friends know that you still want to hang out and be social.

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