The past few weeks have been very stressful. House hunting, living with my parents, adjusting to the summer, saving money, TTC and the fear that comes with that. It's a lot and there have been more than a few times when the darkness has threatened to take over. There have been a few nights where I've tossed and turned for hours, my body exhausted, but my brain racing over the "what-ifs" and "worst cases". I've been really up and down and I've been having a lot of anxiety.
But at some point you just need to get right with yourself. There's not a terrible amount that I can do to change any of my situations. I keep looking for houses, saving money, having baby making sex. There's a lot that I just have to surrender to. That's a lot easier said than done. However, I really think I just needed to get right with myself.
Sitting around and sulking and drowning my sorrow in cheap cabernet is fun on the same level as listening to "My Heart Will Go On" on repeat after your 9th grade boyfriend breaks up with you (true story) is fun, but it was about time to shake the cobwebs off my sorrow and get a grip on myself.
So I do what I always do when I feel restless and dissatisfied. I try and sit and meditate and say some positive affirmation and really just change my thinking. Worrying really is pointless. Everything works out in it's own divine way and time. I really believe that. And a friend told me a story about an arrow getting pulled down so that it could be launched into something greater.
Only bright skies and happiness for our future trajectory.