Monday, August 6, 2012

Fear of the Unknown

There's a lot of swirling whirling questions right now.  I'm in a big transitional phase in my life right now.  Currently homeless...which is epicly awesome.  Trying to have another baby.  There's just a lot of what if's and maybes right now.

This whole not having a place to call my own is getting really old and it's starting to wear on me a bit.  Don't get me wrong, there's something wonderful about having a house full of family: full family dinners, loud nights of game playing, watching movies together and I haven't cleaned a blessed thing in over a month.  Plus I'm catching up on years worth of sleep.  But I miss being surrounded by my own things, my books, my pictures, things that bring me comfort.  I miss sinking into my own bed in my own room.  I miss a house that isn't completely overcrowded and threatening to burst at the seems with 5 people's worth of "stuff" crammed in it.  I'm just so ready to grow into a forever home and I'm not sure I'll ever find it.

Then there's the whole trying to have another baby bit.  I'm so excited and yet so scared of another loss.  I know my risks going into it.  I know there's a 15% chance of a repeat ectopic.  I know that within a year 65% of women have had a successful uterine pregnancy and that jumps to 85% after 2 years.  I know that.  But there's a lot of uncertainty and fear surrounding it.

There's just a lot of things that are up in the air.  It's exciting.  It's scary.  I feel like we're writing the stories of our lives.
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2 comments:

BusyMomofTwins said...

Hang in there. All of those uncertainties will hopefully all come together at once and you will settle in somewhere perfect.

jamie said...

Melissa, I'll uphold you in prayers. I believe in miracles. And I believe in miracles for you. So keep your heads up, the unknown is not that fearful ;)

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