There's a lot of swirling whirling questions right now. I'm in a big transitional phase in my life right now. Currently homeless...which is epicly awesome. Trying to have another baby. There's just a lot of what if's and maybes right now.
This whole not having a place to call my own is getting really old and it's starting to wear on me a bit. Don't get me wrong, there's something wonderful about having a house full of family: full family dinners, loud nights of game playing, watching movies together and I haven't cleaned a blessed thing in over a month. Plus I'm catching up on years worth of sleep. But I miss being surrounded by my own things, my books, my pictures, things that bring me comfort. I miss sinking into my own bed in my own room. I miss a house that isn't completely overcrowded and threatening to burst at the seems with 5 people's worth of "stuff" crammed in it. I'm just so ready to grow into a forever home and I'm not sure I'll ever find it.
Then there's the whole trying to have another baby bit. I'm so excited and yet so scared of another loss. I know my risks going into it. I know there's a 15% chance of a repeat ectopic. I know that within a year 65% of women have had a successful uterine pregnancy and that jumps to 85% after 2 years. I know that. But there's a lot of uncertainty and fear surrounding it.
There's just a lot of things that are up in the air. It's exciting. It's scary. I feel like we're writing the stories of our lives.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Fear of the Unknown
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2 comments:
Hang in there. All of those uncertainties will hopefully all come together at once and you will settle in somewhere perfect.
Melissa, I'll uphold you in prayers. I believe in miracles. And I believe in miracles for you. So keep your heads up, the unknown is not that fearful ;)
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