Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Feeling Inadequate

Lately I've been feeling just really inadequate.  Like my best just isn't good enough.

Andy and I went to visit a couple friend of ours and their house was just gorgeous.  Not just was it big and airy and bright, but it was decorated and painted in such a way that I never would have even thought of.  I'm not even pinning ideas like that.  I feel like my house, when I ever get a house, is going to look completely mish moshed.

Our shore vacation was awesome, but if there's one thing about Ocean City it's that every one looks fit and fab.  You have to really look very closely to find a person who is overweight or out of shape.  I'm not just talking about nubile teenagers, but mom's of four, grandfather, and 12 year olds.  They were all rocking the TLB's (tight little bodies).  It didn't help that I went on a bender this week fueled by wine, fried oreos, ice cream, and caramel corn.  Bleh.

I feel like living with my parents definitely has it's perks, they get up with her every morning and they do a lot with her and for her and I kind of feel like I'm not being a good enough mom.  Isabella always wants to play with my dad.  She always wants my mom to take her to the bathroom or to comfort her when she cries and I feel like I should be spending more time playing with her instead of farting around on the computer or on my phone.  I know I'm not doing my best there.  I've gotten lazy and I've gotten into a bit of a rut.

I also feel like kind of a loser in the friends department.  I've barely seen any of my friends this summer.  It's not for lack of time or babysitting, it's for lack of motivation to set things up or to meet up with them or anything.  House hunting has taken up the bulk of my free time, but I've been awfully lazy in an area that means so much to me.  Like why would I rather sit home on a saturday night instead of meeting my sister for a drink?  I'm being bummy and anti-social.

So there are all the reasons I feel badly right now.  It's good to get it out.
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3 comments:

Caitlin MidAtlantic said...

I think we all have those blah periods in our life, where we just don't feel like our best selves. But it's good you got it out! Now you have a list you can use to keep yourself accountable on getting out of the rut!

Jo said...

I can tell you that if I had to list all the things I felt inadequate at I would be here all day. Also, if I were to dwell on them I might never get up in the morning again.

I would be willing to bet my last dollar/euro that you are not nearly as bad a mom, wife, friend, daughter, house decorated (you don’t even have a house to decorate) as you think you are.

You are fabulous! If all else fails, fake being fabulous until you’ve convinced yourself 

Ariel @ Dreams To Do said...

Ya know what makes me feel better? Thinking about how effed up EVERYONE's life is. Even the people with the perfect houses. Sure, maybe their house is perfect, but there's probably some deep dark secret or issue that they are dealing with. We ALL feel this way. We ALL hate our lives every once in a while. Knowing this gives me a little peace when I'm struggling to feel like I'm enough. And I totally "fake it til I make it." :-)

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