Monday, October 1, 2012

Scared

I'm still bleeding.  After I got home from the hospital yesterday it tapered off to brown and I rested all evening and night and it stopped.  I went to work today and was fine, until lunch when I wiped and noticed red smearing on the toilet paper.  It was bleeding.  Not spotting.  Red.  Not brown.  Definitely more than yesterday.  I called the doctor and the nurse (who is just the sweetest thing ever) told me that the u/s and bloodwork all looked great and that there was nothing to do at this point except monitor it.  She told me that I could go in for an exam if I wanted to, but I told her that I would just wait and keep an eye on it.  It's tapered off a bit, but it's definitely still there.

This fucking sucks.  I feel like I went through enough with the ectopic and I was really looking forward to a boring, healthy pregnancy that I could enjoy.  But instead I have to be fucking terrified every time I go to the bathroom.  Every twinge and pull and bits of pressure has me running the gammet of possibilities in my mind.

I know that there's a big chance I'm going to be fine.  I also know that there's a small chance that I will lose this baby and that is just terrifying for me.  I would love to sit here and say that I'm all hope and smiles and positivity.  But I'm not.  I'm nervous and worried and fearful.

One thing I am doing is taking the advice of Madonna in my last post and not consulting Dr. Google.  Say a prayer for me if you can and for this baby.
post signature

9 comments:

sc-to-ca said...

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I experienced similiar things with both of my daughters so I know you must be scared out of your mind. If you can, call in sick, rest and get off your feet, drink lots of water. Then at least you know you did everything you could have. Hang in there!

misssrobin said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending love and support your way. Best wishes.

Racecar's dad said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ariel @ Dreams To Do said...

Girl, this sucks balls. I'm def praying for you! I wish I had some encouraging words of advice, but I doubt there's much I can say to make you feel better. Just take it a day at a time... or at least one pee at a time. I have had friends who've bleed throughout their pregnancy and ended up having healthy babies, if that's any reassurance. XOXO

Jo said...

O my word, that totally SUCKS! And I'm pretty sure the stress is not helping the situation either.

Hang in there! Thinking of you! Hoping that this is just one of those things and that everything is ok! xx

Meyser said...

I'm sorry to read you have to live this. It is very scary, and it can go both ways. Without you or anybody else being able to do anything.

I experienced it twice: the first time, I lost it, last time it did stick. I hope that last one will be the case for you!!

mtendere said...

Sending thoughts and prayers your way.

h_esquire said...

Keep checking to make sure everything is okay. Thoughts are with you.

Tammy said...

Oh girl! I'm saying prayers for you...just getting caught up on your posts now. You haven't posted in a few days and I'm hoping and praying it's because you're taking it easy and still growing that precious baby. Sending positive thoughts and a hug your way...

Post a Comment

Have at it...and I will respond to all comments here so check back often to stay in the conversation.