Monday, December 3, 2012

Today Is a Sad Day

Today is sad.  Today is December 3rd 2012.  Today I should have been bringing home a baby.  Today was my due date with my miscarriage.  I've been dreading this day for a long time.  It's not that I'm not insanely grateful for Mrs. Petrillo and the small twitches, flutters, and pops that I'm starting to feel, but I can't help but wonder what the baby I lost would have been like.  Would it be the son I imagined or another daughter?  Would s/he be an easy baby or a fuss pot like his sister?  Who would that little lost life have grown up to be had it had survived it's journey?

I don't know.  I'll never know.  The world will never know.

Maybe this day would have come and gone and I'd still be pregnant with a huge belly and a heart full of anticipation.  Or maybe the baby would have been born early, like Isabella was, and I'd already be in the throws of newborn chaos; bleary eyed, tired, and dirty.  Maybe I'd still be in the hospital.  So many possibilities, but it's no use to dwell because it really doesn't matter.

I was pregnant.  I lost the baby.  I am most certainly not alone as unfortunately there are so many other women who go through the same thing and each one deals with it in her own way.  Today I'm letting myself feel sad for the life that I lost, grateful for the life I've created, and hopeful for the life growing inside me.


Jo said...

Hugs! Thinking of you

Sarah Williamson said...

Hi Melissa! I am so sorry for your loss. Reading your post reminded me of a quote by Marilyn Monroe that I love: "Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." I have not been through the heartache of losing a little one, but this quote has helped me a lot in the past to accept the things I couldn't change. Big hug! -Sarah

Ariel @ Dreams To Do said...

So sad. I'm so sorry. And even sadder that my birthday has to be such a dreary day for you. :-( I will drink TWO glasses of wine tonight - one for you and one for that precious soul that you lost. XOXO

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