Wednesday, January 30, 2013

The Princess Body Snatcher

Any hope that Andy held out for Isabella to be a tomboy is pretty much gone out the window since the invasion of the princess body snatcher.

For the past few weeks Isabella has been waking up in the morning, going into her closet or dresser and pulling out the frilliest thing she can find.  She'll walk into my bedroom and throw it on top of my head.  "Time to be a princess!" she announces.

She'll only wear headbands or tiara's because that's what princesses wear.  She trots around the house in faux high heels that someone (probably my mom) bought for her.  We have to have royal ball type dance parties and whenever she doesn't want to do something it's always, "princesses don't do that".

Last weekend she was traipsing around the house in a long shirt that had a tutu type skirt on it with no pants.  15 minutes before her friend was coming over for a playdate and she's doing piroutte's in a mini-dress and baby heels.  It took a lot of coaxing to get her to put her pants on before our guests came.

This is not my favorite phase.  While I don't mind a little Tangled now and then or a good old fashioned, belt it out "Part of Your World" I hate Disney and it's damned marketing and I've never been a fan of character branding.

But what's a mom to do?  She loves it.  So I dress her up in fancy dresses (the high heels got, um, lost) and we have tea and dance parties and play imaginative games involving tigers and witches and spells.

We keep calm and princess on.  It can't last forever right?

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Pregnant Sex

There have been a lot of phases regarding sex this pregnancy.  In the beginning I was placed on 7 weeks of pelvic rest due to my unexplained bleeding.  Obviously there was nothing going on in the lovin' department at that point, but once we got past that hump (pun intended gigglesnort), I thought I would be dying for it...and I was, physically, but mentally I was just really nervous.

I was afraid that after that long of a dry spell it would hurt physically.  I was also terrified that I'd go to clean up and find bright red blood again, even though the original bleed didn't happen after sex.  It was awkward and "bumpy" at first, but just like Stella, we found our groove.  I started feeling more secure and enjoying myself again.

There was a brief interlude where I wasn't on pelvic rest and my belly was still flat.  Ahhhh, the Golden Era!

Now, I really enjoy sex and my drive is back up, but my big belly is getting in the way.  Missionary didn't last too long.  You can forget about me getting on top because honestly my boobs are giant and smooshy.  I'm also slightly self-conscious about my ass, which is getting more dimples than cottage cheese, but I can't cut out positions from behind because that's all I got left.  Plus it saves me from wet kisses, which I skeeve out.

Le Sigh.  One day sex will be easy again.  Oh, wait, there will be a newborn and the bedroom will be for sleeping and crying.  Oh the circle of life.

Monday, January 28, 2013

25 Weeks

How far along?  25 weeks
Total weight gain/loss? Up 10 lbs.  I did gain 6lbs last month, so I'm trying to be cautious.  
Stretch marks? No
Sleep? Not doing too well in the sleep department.  The baby goes on a kick fest as soon as I lie down. 
Best moment last week? We had a great weekend full of parties and family and friends.  I love being busy and I love seeing Isabella so happy. 
Movement? All over.  I swear I don't remember Isabella being so active.  I'm trying to savor the baby kicks as this will more than likely be my last pregnancy. 
Food cravings? Actually, ice cream which is bizarre since I'm usually not a fan.    
Food aversions?  chicken, onions, and tomatoes.  
Gender? Team Green
Labor signs? None...I'm trying to go as late as I can.
Belly button in/out? In, but inching closer and closer to that skeevy pop out
What I miss: Being able to have coffee whenever I want it.  I've been in the mood for coffee in the afternoon when I get home from work
What I am looking forward to: Getting something done, like deciding on a name or painting the nursery or getting some clothes.  Just something!
Milestones: Another great appointment this month

25 week bumpdate and I can not believe that there's only about 15 weeks left. 

I'm having a lot of fun with pic monkey! 

Friday, January 25, 2013

Newborn Moms

God dontcha just love first time moms of newborns?  There like a special breed of moms, much like the new monkey exhibit down at the zoo.  Just so darn cute.

They're in that phase of motherhood where they are realizing that all the dreams they clung to during their pregnancy are just crashing down around them in piles of dirty diapers and 2 am feedings and colic.  But their mommy skin hasn't quite gotten to the point where they feel comfortable complaining about it.

They gush about how "perfect" and "good" their brand spanking new babies are, while their blood shot eyes and milk stained clothes scream the truth, which as we all know, is that while newborns are cute and cuddly and sweet, they basically suck the life right out of you.

A good friend of mine just had a baby and when I went to visit her she was full swing in the "Newborn Mom" phase.  Now you can't rush a newborn mom into letting go of that facade and venting about how the transition can be tough.  But the second time I visited her, about a month later, she was all about the bitching about how her boyfriend doesn't help, the apartment is in disarray, and the baby woke up 3 times the night before and OMG there's no coffee left!

My own wretched newborn from yesteryear.  Kinda looks like
a crotchedy old man no?
She was coming out of her phase.

I think we all went through it.  That time between pregnancy and the time a baby starts sleeping through the night where you're basically a zombie who feels like they are supposed to be thrilled with the fact that they are a zombie.  Eventually you come out of it and realize that complaining about being tired doesn't mean you don't love your baby or that bitching about your husband doesn't mean he's not a good dad.

So skip the zoo this weekend, go see a newly born mom.

P.S. - I'm assuming that second+ time moms are spared from this phase because you're only a new mom once.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Pinterest Done Me Wrong

I have had a long standing love affair with Pinterest.  It's borderline obsessive.  Like if Pinterest ever went away I'd boil it's pet rabbit.  I've had a ton of success with recipes/desserts/crafts/holiday junk/home decor ideas from Pinterest, but I've also had my fair share of flops.

Best chicken in the world my ass!  It tasted like straight up mustard.  Save yourself the energy and just have a spoonful of Dijon for dinner.  Bleh!  Andy kind of liked it, but I'm convinced if I seasoned dog crap up just right he'd eat that.

Cute right?  Totally doesn't work.  Like at all. It says your phone is fully charged, but it's not.  My poor sister got 3 Christmas presents from that site and they all broke.  Poor sissy.  Don't buy from them.

Way too orangey.  It's like all orange all the time.

But all in all I've found tons of success on Pinterest.

If you want you can follow me on Pinterest, I usually follow everyone back because I'm obsessed:  click HERE to follow me.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Other People's Kids

Because mine is just "perfect"
I have a very low tolerance for other people's children.  Not all children.  For example, the children I am paid to interact with, i.e, my students, and a few close friends/family children, but honestly some of the children Isabella plays with are just really annoying.

I don't know if it's innate character flaws in these children or just sub par parenting that makes them get on my nerves, but they do.  Maybe it's just because my child is so smart/awesome/polite/cute/clean that it's hard for me to tolerate anything less than that.  Maybe it's because I'm just an evil bitch deep down in the depths of my soul.  But whatever the reason, most other children drive me up a wall.

The worst offenses in my eyes are:  not cleaning up after yourself.  When you're done with one toy, clean it up BEFORE you get another one.  I know it's annoying to teach your kids this, but it's really not that hard if you stick with it.  I also hate when kids dump.  Like dump out an entire toy box.  Just sift through it and find what you want.  Animals.  Incessant whining, crying, or tattling also tops my list of offenses (Isabella probably annoys other people with this as she is a bit of a cry baby).  Things like 3 year olds with pacifiers also annoy me and kids who eat junk food all day.

It can't just be me.  I refuse to believe that I'm the only one who gets annoyed with other people's kids.  Now it's not all of them, but it's probably most of them.

If you guys could just all raise your kids in a way that is not frustrating to me that would be great, thanks!

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

24 Weeks

How far along?  24 weeks
Total weight gain/loss? According to my scale I'm up about 10lbs, which means I gained around 6lbs this month!  Yikes.  Time to reign it in.   
Maternity clothes? Yes 
Stretch marks? Nope, but I check compulsively.  
Sleep? I generally hate when pregnant women complain about sleep because, just wait until the baby comes and you're so tired you don't know wether to wind your ass or scratch your watch, but I haven't been sleeping that well.  Oh well, at least I can turn over and try to get comfy without having to change a shitty diaper or pop out a boob.  
Best moment last week? Date night!  We went out to a dinner where there were no crayons and to a movie that wasn't animated.  It was glorious.  
Movement? Yes, apparently the middle of the night is a great time to practice high kicks in utero.  Who knew?
Food cravings? Cookies, but I'm pulling back so I don't gain like a mother the next 16 weeks.    
Food aversions?  chicken, onions, and tomatoes.  
Gender? Team Green
Labor signs? I've actually noticed a cutback in the BH's thankfully.  
Belly button in/out? In, but it's only a matter of time before it pops out.  Last time I used to cover it with a band aid because it skeeved me out so badly.  
What I miss: Beer.  Andy was drinking Lagunitas Little Sumpin and it's one of my favorite micro brews and I was so mad I couldn't have one, or 7.  
What I am looking forward to: Getting to hear a good strong heart beat at my next appointment on Thursday. 
Milestones: Happy Viability to Mrs. Petrillo.  We're looking to cook for several more months, but it's nice to know that there's a chance at viability God forbid anything should happen.  

Here be my 24 week bump!

I swear to God I wear more than just pajama pants, but I only just remembered to take this pic right before bed.  My face is starting to look puffy too...bleh.  

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

The Beast Within

I feel like I'm carrying a beast.  For real guys.  Not only do I feel like a whale, not just in my stomach, but in my ass and thighs as well, but I haven't gained that much weight (a bit over 6 pounds @ 23 weeks) and my stomach is huge.  I'm definitely carrying bigger this time around as well.  

See below for a pic of when I was 25/26 weeks with Isabella on the left and 23 weeks with Mrs. Petrillo on the right.

See?  And I'm further along on the left too.  

And I'm getting kicked in the ass from the inside on the regular and the baby is using my cervix as a trampoline.  And it doesn't feel all "Oh how cute baby kicks."  It's more like, "Dear God what is happening in there?"

I bet it's going to be a huge giant boy.  Like a 15 pounder that's going to come crawling out of my vag like some sort of horror show.  It'll sit up on the delivery table and look at me and say, "I vant a bottle." Also it will have an accent like Arnold Schwartzennager (not even trying to spell that right).  

I'm serious.  I'm going to give birth to a beast.  

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Red Envelope Product Review

I was recently given the opportunity to review a complimentary product from Red Envelope .  Red Envelope pretty much has everything under the sun that you could ever imagine wanting.  It's a great place to look for gift giving, especially with Valentines Day right around the corner.

Instead of getting a gift for Andy, I decided to get a little something for the house.  Kind of a house warming present to myself.  First off, it took me about an hour and a half to figure out what I wanted because there were so many things that I wanted.  Eventually, I decided on the Cubist Appetizer Serving Set.

I figured it would be wonderful to have a serving set like this for when people come over for house warming dinners and the Super Bowl is right around the corner, so it's kind of for Andy too right?  The quality of the product is wonderful.  It's heavy, sturdy, and it looks great.  With Red Envelope you get exactly what you see.  

So if you are planning on getting your significant other, or yourself, a gift this lovey dovey, Valentine season, make a stop at Red Envelope.  

***I was provided with a gift card to Red Envelope so that I might provide an honest review.  The opinions expressed in this post are mine alone.***

Monday, January 14, 2013

23 Weeks

How far along?  23 weeks
Total weight gain/loss? I actually didn't weigh myself this week.  This is probably the first time in 3 years that I haven't weighed myself weekly.  But it can't be good.  
Maternity clothes? Yes I am a beast
Stretch marks? Nope
Sleep? It's taking me forever to fall asleep.  My mind won't stop racing and Mrs. Petrillo kicks really hard when I lay down and it keeps me up. 
Best moment last week? Having a nice family weekend.  There won't be too many more as a family of three
Movement? All over and not cutesy little baby kicks, big forceful kicks.  
Food cravings? I could still polish off a 5lb sack of sugar in an hour, but I've cut back a ton on the sweets and processed foods and I actually do feel better energy wise.  
Food aversions?  chicken
Gender? Team Green
Labor signs? Just some killer BH
Belly button in/out? In, but getting flatter
What I miss: sleeping on my stomach
What I am looking forward to: Isabella being able to feel the baby kick.  Andy has, but Isabella doesn't have his patience. 
Milestones: Getting closer to viability

23 week bump!  Any one know of a picture editing website that isn't really scary like photoshop?  I loved picnick but it's gone now.  

Friday, January 11, 2013

Other Mother's Know Best

I believe that women are each other's greatest resources if we could just stop talking smack, judging, and competing with each other.

I am enlightened and know that three quarters of my readers are wiser and more awesome than I am.  The other 25% are just as dumb as I am.

So I have some questions and I'm hoping you wise readers have some answers.

1.  How do you clean and sanitized sealed granite?  I've never had nice things before and I don't know how to take care of them!

2.  Speak to me if you've had a breast reduction.  I want a reduction and a lift after the baby comes and I want insurance to pay for it.

3.  Have you ever gotten treatment for varicose or spider veins?

4.  How do you take care of your wood floors?

5.  Can you only vacuum carpet?

6.  Do you upload your own blog posts to pinterest?

7.  How do you get syndicated on blogher?

8.  Do you like me like me or just like me?

Have a great weekend!

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Your Pregnant Body

I know that pregnant woman are supposed to be this glowing mess of beauty and many women are described as "glowing" "cute" and "lovely" during their pregnancy.  But I'm here to set the record straight and call bullshit on any woman who says she feels the most beautiful and sexy during pregnancy.

(I don't look like that)

First of all, I have veins in my leg that could rival an 80 year olds.  I'm serious.  The spider veins and varicose veins in my right leg are so bad that I'd be embarrassed to wear a dress, so I'm lucky it's winter.  I'm also lucky that their exists such a profession as "Vein Doctor" because I will be seeing one the day after I deliver.  If you have any vein vanishing experience please please let me know.

Then there's the expanding of your hips, thighs, and ass.  I refuse to believe that I'm the only pregnant woman to experience this phenomenon.  I'm sure there are a few here and there who only carry in their belly and I hope those women get crabs.  Even though my weight gain has been reasonable, I'm still widening and I'm generally not a fan of that happening.

I haven't gotten stretch marks, but I've seen them and they are a disgusting product of pregnancy.

Then there's the huge, squishy boobs.  I was big before I got pregnant (36DD) and I didn't grow at all with Isabella, but this time I'm growing forward and out.  I could see this being a perk if you were smaller, but for big chested gals it just looks too, I don't know, smooshy.  And my nipples are the size of saucers.

The skin on my face is either lovely and clear or riddled with zits.  I can't keep up and half the time I'm too tired to even wash it properly.

Some women get thick, lovely, shiny pregnancy hair.  Not me.  Mine is limp and dull as ever.  But don't worry the rest of my body is picking up the slack as my stomach has a fuzzy coating and the hair on my legs grows back before I've even put the razor down.

Yeah, I'm not a huge fan of the pregnant body or it's hormones.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

"What If"

I'm having some feelings about the actuality of growing our family.  It's been just the three of us for so long.  Now I know that I'm biased, but Isabella is awesome.  She's smart and funny and just full of life and spunk.  Now don't get me wrong she has her moments where she's a whiny cry baby and she can throw a fit with the best of them, but she really is just a joy and I love her so so so much.

What if this next kid is a dud?

Seriously, what if it's stupid or ugly or obnoxious?  What if I don't love it as much as I love her?  Will the love be split or does it grow?

I've been assured that you love your second as much as your first, but I just can't see that right now.  Already the pregnancies have been so different.  When I was pregnant with Isabella I poured over nursery ideas.  I lovingly filled out a baby book.  I would spend hours looking at tiny clothes.  I would read to my stomach and listen to calming music.

This time it's not like that.  The nursery right now is a construction zone, the baby book is sitting somewhere in the flood ravaged basement, and I barely have any clothes because most gender neutral clothes are really just awful.  Reading to your stomach and listening to whales is just lame and I'd never do that again regardless.  I just don't have the time to focus on this pregnancy the way I did when I was pregnant with Isabella.  But the thing is, is that I don't even really feel guilty about that.

Our family of 3 and I need to start wearing my weave pretty!

I also wonder how Isabella will react to having a baby brother or sister.  I worry more if it's a boy because I know she really wants a sister.  She's been the center of attention for so long and now the whole paradigm is about to shift.  I know in the long run giving her a sibling is an amazing gift, but I'm more concerned with the short term.  Will she feel jealous?  Left out?  Will she know that I could never imagine loving her less?  Will she even care?

I don't know what the future will bring, but I'm definitely feeling the reality, and a bit of anxiety, set in about another baby in the house.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Before and During

So you've been listening to me piss and moan about this money pit that we bought.  But it's honestly really not that bad.  Well, it's kind of bad, but when the house is full of people and the kids are running through the halls and laughter is echoing, boys are in the family room watching football and the women are in the living room talking and everyone is eating a home cooked meal, I can see what the house is meant to be.

When the house isn't leaking or sparking or shaking I really like it.

And we've come a long way.  This post is pic heavy so I can show you the before and durings of each room.  We're far away from "after" but we're getting there.

Living Room

The way the old owners had it:

Construction Phase:


 Family Room

The way the old owners had it:


That would be RHOBH on the TV thankyouverymuch

Also, it's night so you're missing out on the amazing lighting that this room has.
Dining Room

The way the old owners had it:

Construction Phase:


I am obsessed with the color of the walls.  Like I love it for realz.


The way the old owners had it:

Construction Phase:


We obviously did a ton of work in the kitchen and it looks amazing.  I know there are dishes in the sink in these pics, but we live here people and that's what life looks like.  It also has a built in spice rack, lazy susan, and a pantry with pull out shelves.  Half the electricity doesn't work, but gosh isn't it pretty?

Isabella's Room

The way the owners had it:

Construction Phase:

There's Andy in his "working" outfit.  Can't wait to burn that thing.  


Her room still needs a lot of decorative work. 


Old owners:

Construction Phase:

Sadly Mrs. Petrillo's room is still under construction.  I will say that it took 3 grown men 3 days to get that wallpaper off the wall.  


This is actually the only room that looks worse.  The whole damn thing flooded.  Twice.  

The way the old owners had it:

Current flooded mess:

Ceiling wires

My saving grace

See the lovely holes in the bottom of the walls

Far from done, but man we've come a long way.