I'm having some feelings about the actuality of growing our family. It's been just the three of us for so long. Now I know that I'm biased, but Isabella is awesome. She's smart and funny and just full of life and spunk. Now don't get me wrong she has her moments where she's a whiny cry baby and she can throw a fit with the best of them, but she really is just a joy and I love her so so so much.
What if this next kid is a dud?
Seriously, what if it's stupid or ugly or obnoxious? What if I don't love it as much as I love her? Will the love be split or does it grow?
I've been assured that you love your second as much as your first, but I just can't see that right now. Already the pregnancies have been so different. When I was pregnant with Isabella I poured over nursery ideas. I lovingly filled out a baby book. I would spend hours looking at tiny clothes. I would read to my stomach and listen to calming music.
This time it's not like that. The nursery right now is a construction zone, the baby book is sitting somewhere in the flood ravaged basement, and I barely have any clothes because most gender neutral clothes are really just awful. Reading to your stomach and listening to whales is just lame and I'd never do that again regardless. I just don't have the time to focus on this pregnancy the way I did when I was pregnant with Isabella. But the thing is, is that I don't even really feel guilty about that.
|Our family of 3 and I need to start wearing my weave again...so pretty!|
I don't know what the future will bring, but I'm definitely feeling the reality, and a bit of anxiety, set in about another baby in the house.