Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Forgive Yourself

Dude, being a mom is hard.  Being a working mom is hard.  Being a stay at home mom is hard.  It's all hard and exhausting and thankless.

I know that I cut myself very little slack in all aspects of my life.  I go about 100% at work.  I wouldn't want Isabella's teachers to slack off with her education, so I make sure that that is one area that I don't cut corners on.  At home, I try and make sure that I'm cooking a (quasi) healthy dinner at least 5 nights a week.  I try and keep the house looking somewhat presentable, but it's getting more difficult with my growing belly and the much larger house that we're in.  I try and do fun things with Isabella during the week, like an easy craft or we'll bake something yummy to eat for dessert or breakfast the next morning.  I always pack my own lunch to save money, so that becomes a time suck.  Then there's the weekend which are usually full of commitments like parties and play dates and day trips.

It can be both fulfilling and draining at the same time and I don't allow any leeway for myself.

If I asked a stranger to do what I do in a day for my work/house/family, they'd laugh their ass off and probably charge me an arm and a leg.  And I'm assuming what I do doesn't look that much different from what any other mother does.

Trying to find a balance is always a struggle and always a challenge.  But we can't be everything to everybody.  We can't do it all and God-damn it we are important too!

I think that a little bit of grace towards yourself can go a long way.  So take a look at all the amazing things that you do all day.  Think about the impact you have on your family and your work place.  Think about how lucky your kids are to have you as a mom, even on the days where all you can do is heat up a frozen pizza and pop in a movie so you can keep a shred of your sanity.  Forgive yourself.

Forgive yourself if you need to take a day off of work to take care of a sick kid.  Forgive yourself if the laundry is piled up and the floors haven't seen a mop in a week.  Forgive yourself if what you really need to do is RSVP no to the party and cancel the play date and stay inside and watch movies all day.  Forgive yourself if you need to have someone else take your kid to soccer practice/dance class/gymnastics so you can get a mani-pedi or a haircut.  Forgive yourself if you would rather just color than make some elaborate craft you saw on pinterest with your kid.

And don't forget to forgive each other.  This is not easy and judgment from other mothers doesn't make it any easier.


Madonna said...

This is a great post - something I have been thinking about a lot lately. We have so much going on right now and with a 4.5 month old that doesn't sleep, I cannot find the time to do anything longer than five minutes. It's tough. But lately, the bills are paid, the family is fed, and the laundry is at least upstairs rather than still in the dryer, I'm ahead. And I'm trying to coordinate a mental health day to do something for myself because I need to take a break from all the stress!

Michelle Nahom said...

Great post - being a mom IS hard work! I can never seem to catch up! My kids are teenagers and preteens now - their needs are different from when they were young but somehow I am just as busy! We do need to remember to take a break sometimes and do something for ourselves!

xtraleo said...

I hardly ever feel guilty about taking much needed breaks. I feel like I am everything to everyone. There comes a time when you must take a chill pill (and some wine.)! Andrea @ visiting from SITS.

Ariel @ Dreams To Do said...


Tara Lotufo said...

Being a mom is DRAINING!!!

Post a Comment

Have at it...and I will respond to all comments here so check back often to stay in the conversation.