The Men of My Dreams

With pregnancy comes a bunch of wacked out and wonky dreams.  Some are your garden variety dreams that make you wake up in a cold sweat, while others are a bit more on the erotic side.

My first pregnancy sex dream starred Hershel from The Walking Dead.  Now while, I would love to have Hershel on my zombie apocalypse team for his medical knowledge and ability to sustain a farm with no modern conveniences, I do not want to be his lovah.  In the dream he kept chasing me trying to make out with me and I had to keep avoiding him.  I remember running from him but thinking that if I didn't make out with him he'd feed me to the walkers.  Ahhh, Hershel.  Why couldn't it have been Darryl or Rick?

Then there's the one where Steve Buscemi was my boyfriend, but not as Steve Buscemi, as Nuki Thomson.  But here's the thing, in my dream we were really hot and heavy and now I kind of have a crush on Steve Buscemi.  He's from the North East area, so there's always the possibility that we can meet up and make out in real life.  So now I'm on a life mission to make out with Steve Buscemi.  But not now, making out with a 7 month pregnant woman is creepy.  Let's wait until, say July, when I'm thin again and then we can collectively launch a campaign to get Steve Buscemi to make out with me.  Andy might not like it, but I don't like that he doesn't put his socks in the hamper.  You win some, you lose some.  Steve Buscemi and I = winning!

Then I've had other strange dreams where the baby is born fully clothed as a girl, but it's really a boy (and vice versa).  I think that's the fact that I'm Team Green.

Then there's the ones where the hospital won't give me the baby after it's born and won't tell me why.

And of course the dreams where Andy leaves me with both kids by myself for a young, thin model.  Those are no fun.

So every night I go to sleep expecting to be fully entertained by the bizarr-o world that is my subconscious.

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