Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Letting Go

There are a lot of things that I can control...what I make for dinner, how I teach a reading lesson, and where I'm taking Isabella on the weekend.  Those are the things that I can make decisions about, I can set them in stone and move on with my life.  But there are a ton of things that I can't control, like who will come to Isabella's birthday party, when the baby will come, how long it will take my husband to get his ass in gear and tear down the old play set in the back yard and put up the new one.

I tend to worry over things I can't control.  Lately, I've been worrying about when Mrs. Petrillo will come.  My due date is May 11th (how terrifyingly close is that?) and as much as I hate being pregnant, especially now when everything hurts and I'm a big giant whale baby, I actually wouldn't mind being a few days over due so I can parlay my maternity leave into summer vacation.  If I go on my due date, I'd have to go back for the last three days.  I just don't want to go early and have to go back for like 2 or 3 weeks.  It sounds bratty, I know, but I'm really always thinking about when s/he will come.

I've been really uncomfortable lately and I've been stressing out about the amount of pains I have and if it means that my body is getting prepared for labor.  But I'm just making myself crazy because baby will come when baby is ready and there's not a whole hell of a lot I can do about it.

I need to let go.  Let go of the worry.  Let go of the stress.  Let go of obsessing about if the house is clean, even though my nesting instincts would have me on my hands and knees cleaning grout with a toothbrush.  It would be easier if someone would tell me how to let go, but nonetheless, I'm going to try and let go.


Ariel @ Dreams To Do said...

I feel ya girl! There are so many things I just need to learn to let go of. Deep breath. One day at a time. CAN'T WAIT FOR BABY TO ARRIVE!!! You are so having a boy by the way.

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