Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Mommy Guilt

As I near what is (God willing) the end of my pregnancy I've been experiencing some obvious physical symptoms of discomfort.  My back aches, my feet hurt, my hands are showing some signs of swelling, and I'm pretty much exhausted all the time.  These are all par for the course for someone who is 9 months pregnant and even though I don't like it, I know it's normal and short lived.  I get that.  My husband gets that.  My friends get it.  Even my third graders get it.  Know who doesn't get it?   Isabella.

There are a lot of things that I used to do with her that I just can't anymore.  We used to play this crazy game where she's the Princess and I'm the Prince and I have to run and save her from an alligator who tries to tear her princess dress.  It's a bit bizarre, but it's fun.  The only thing is is that it involves a lot of running and lifting her up and twirling her around.  Not something me, or my back, can really handle at this point in time.

Sometimes when I'm giving her a bath, she likes to be carried from the tub into her bed like a baby...something that is easy for daddy to do, but something that mommy can't really do anymore.

When we play outside she wants me to run these elaborate obstacle courses with her that I just can't do.

I understand that it's only temporary and in no time I'll be right back at it, but it makes me feel so guilty to tell her no.  Or to tell her that I need a little rest in between activities.  Or to put on a movie when I really just need to sit down for a few moments.  I'm suffering a big bout of mommy guilt.

I know that I need to take care of myself physically, but I also know that it breaks my heart when I can't give 100% to Isabella.

Don't get me wrong we still do tons of activities together: play wii, play board games, blow bubbles, I sit and kick my feet in the pool with her even though it's frigid, I take her to the park and push her on the swing, we go to the museum, I arrange play dates, we read stories.  But there's still a limit on what I can and can't do with her.

I'm going to assume that when Mrs. Petrillo comes there's going to be more of the same, "Mommy can't right now" while I recover from labor and delivery and hit a stride with breastfeeding.  I guess we'll just have to learn as we go.

1 comments:

Madonna said...

It gets easier as time goes on, but even though A is seven months now, there are still things that I can't do on-demand because I have the baby in tow. One thing that helped us is I still sent E to daycare three days a week when I was on maternity leave so she could still burn the energy she needed while I bonded with the baby. You will find your stride, but don't get too discouraged! Honestly, I thought it was harder to transition to having two kids than it was having the first.

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