Thursday, June 6, 2013

Best Friend?

I don't have a best friend.  I've had best friends.  I have close friends, but at this moment in time I can't honestly say that I have one best girlfriend.  I'm not counting Andy because he truly is my best friend, but for the purpose of this post I'm talking about girlfriends because it's very different.

I have a very close group of girlfriends whom I love and adore, but I'm a little bit older than they are, live a little further away, and have two children I need to focus on.  I don't necessarily fit in there like I used to and even though I spend as much time with them as I can, I wouldn't say that any one of them individually is a best friend.

Last year around this time I would have said that one of the girls that I work with was my best friend.  We would hang out often, talk on the phone and we really "got" each other and while we're still involved in each other's life, she just had a baby and she has a lot going on in regards to a not so great relationship and she's been a bit more guarded lately.  I still love her, but you can just tell that the connection isn't what it was.

Another girl who is still a very close friend was once a biffle, but again she has her own family...I have mine and it seems that the only time we're together lately is with the kids.

Sometimes I think it's me, maybe I just can't connect like I used to.  I can feel it inside me, something blocking me.  It wasn't always there, but it's most certainly gotten stronger as I get older.  It's something inside me holding me back.

Other times I think that maybe relationships just evolve and change; they're fluid.  People change and they grow and what you once had in common with someone, what once bound you together, dissolves and you fall away.  It's tempting to cling to a past memory, especially one that offers such comfort, but sometimes people just go off in their own directions, without malice or ill intent.

And then there's just the option that sometimes life just gets in the way of friendship.  People get busy with new friends, new loves, new houses, new babies, new jobs and there's only so much time in the day and something's gotta give.

Regardless of what the reason is that I don't have someone to call bff, I can tell you that I'm craving one.  Someone I can get together with, without the kids, and get our nails done or have a coffee or a cocktail...someone who gets it, who gets me.  Someone who doesn't judge, who I can vent to.  Someone who I can talk to without feeling awkward.  Someone who likes me even though I can be very unlikeable at times.

I'm grateful for the good friends I have in my life, and for the best friend I have in my husband, but it sure would be nice to have a very dear best friend again.


Tamara Camera said...

I echo so many of these thoughts. I haven't had a "best friend" in decades and even though were so subject to change. As I've gotten older I've moved around a few times. I have a lot of very close friends but they do seem to come and go. There are the very solid ones that have lasted through the years. Those give me comfort. And I have two sisters and two kids - totally my four best friends!

c81fc79a-cead-11e2-a2b6-000bcdcb5194 said...

I can relate. I have a great friend from hs but she lives across the country and has 3 kids (I have 2) so we speak infrequently. I have friends at work but no bff (other than my husband but it's def not the same thing!) I feel alot of my relationships with girlfriends ebb and flow with changes in our lives.

Madonna said...

I have a local best friendly, solely because we dedicate one night a week to get together. If we didn't dedicate our Wednesday nights to one another, our friendship would have fallen by the wayside. But while I have a BFF, I yearn to have a few more friends to hang out with because I'm limited on those.

Ariel @ Dreams To Do said...

Girl this is exactly what I was trying to write in my "Alone" post and totes how I'm feeling. If we weren't on opposite edges of the country we would totally go get our nails done and complain about our husbands and kids to eachother. And then go out for drinks. Friendship just gets harder as you get older I think. It's a lot more work. And I don't want to have to work at it, ya know? I want it to be easy. Maybe that's my problem. XOXO

Stefani said...

Oh, I can so relate to this post... in fact, I feel like I wrote the same one a couple of years ago. I went back and searched for it and it's amazing how alike they sounded. ( Amazingly enough, an acquaintance read it, emailed me, and we met for coffee one day. That one encounter was the birth of an amazing friendship that I cherish to this day. If we lived in the same neck of the woods, I'd pick you up tonight for cocktails! Hope you find someone to connect with - girlfriends are so important. Hugs to you!


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