Monday, July 1, 2013

Something's Missing

I love my family very much and I couldn't feel more complete in that regard.  I love Andy and I love the girls and I love the dynamic of being a family of four.  But there is something inside of me that is calling out for something else and I don't know what it is.

It's like part of me is on fire, burning for something different, something more to quench it.  I'm not sure what it is.

Sometimes I think it's writing...if I could sit down and write a book, even if it never gets published, even if no one ever reads it but me, maybe that would fulfill the empty space.

Other times I think maybe I need to spend time cultivating my friendships that I've let languish...maybe that space would quit burning if I could fill it with good girlfriends, good wine, and laughter.

Still other times I wonder if that hole is looking for something all it's own.  If it's the part of me that just belongs to me and no one else.  It's not for my husband, not for my mom, not for my job, not even for my kids.  Maybe it's the one place that is just mine and it's feeling neglected, abandoned.

I don't know what it is, but I know that I get this rising feeling of something just...missing...from time to time and I know I need to figure out what it is because it's not going away.


Stefani said...

I was in this same space for a long time, and in some aspects I still am. But the thing that ended up filling the void was something that I didn't even realize I was missing... I started taking Addison to church and got involved in my community and it's been life changing. I'm working on a post about it this week and if my kids ever nap, I'll get it posted. :)

Hope you can figure out what it is <3

Ariel @ Dreams To Do said...

YES! Me toooooooooooo! And it's funny because while the hole has always kinda been there in my life, it really became prominent while I was on maternity leave with Landon. So strange. These days I am so ridiculously busy that I don't have time to dwell on it which is good. I definitely think you should start your book. Even if it is 10 year writing process. And I also think that you should cultivate your friendships. Let's encourage eachother! Just know you aren't "alone" :)

h_esquire said...

I feel you! If I get time to exercise, I usually feel like that space closes up a little. But lately it hasn't happened and I've been out of sorts. I find I have to have something scheduled for me to do it regularly and notice a difference. Whether that's a walk date with a friend, a solo run or a fitness class, it has to be in my calendar.

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