Thursday, August 1, 2013

Confessions

It's been a while since I've had a good old fashioned mind dump here on the good old blog.  So let's get to it.

I hate baby stuff.  Not the cute little outfits or the crib or the car seat, but all the other "stuff" that babies amass.  Like the boppy that is always in the middle of the floor or the swings, play mats, and bouncy seats that I'm always tripping over.  Every where I look there's stuff!  And I know what you're going to say...one day she'll be big and you'll look back on it and miss it.  Maybe, but today is not that day. I've found keeping a pretty basket in each room as a sort of "catch all" for all of the loose toys and bibs and such helps a lot.

baby stuffI loathe pumping.  Like I seriously hate it, but I also have a bizarre obsession with stockpiling breast milk.  Andy and I are going away for 2 days for our anniversary so I know I needed a stash for that, but I have over 100 ounces and I'm still pumping every night "just in case".  We went out to dinner the other day and I pumped right before we left this way if Arya got fussy when we were eating, Andy could give her a bottle so I didn't have to nurse in the restaurant.  She got fussy so we warmed up the bottle and then she didn't drink it.  I almost cried to waste the ounces.

I love nursing Arya to sleep for naps and at night.  It's so much easier than rocking her to sleep for naps, but I'm super nervous that when I go back to work in September she's not going to go to sleep for Andy or my mom when they try to put her down for a nap.  I feel like I'm being lazy and maybe I should teach her how to self-soothe on her own.  I'm worried I'm creating bad habits, but it's so easy and she's so sweet when she falls asleep.

I'm not a big fan of the newborn stage.  She's so cute and cuddly but a lot of work and not a lot of reward.  I like babies when they get a bit of "heft" to them.  Like around 6 months old when they're in a more structured routine and they can sit up and you really see their personality.  But, if I'm being honest, I like them the best when they're out of diapers and sleeping through the night!  That's my favorite stage.

I am so done having kids.  My family feels complete and I cannot fathom the idea of being pregnant again or having another newborn.  It doesn't make me sad or nostalgic.  I know I'm done and we're looking into a more permanent form of birth control.  I know Andy would have loved a son but I feel very whole with my two little girls.

Arya's 45 minute naps are destroying me!  You know what you can get done in 45 minutes?  Nothing.  Thank God she sleeps decent at night.

Sometimes I feel like a brand new, first time mom, completely insecure and worried about everything.

I am pretty terrified of unswaddling Arya and getting her into her own room.  Can one of you come and handle that for me?

5 comments:

Kat Biggie said...

I completely understand what you are saying! yes to potty trained and sleeping through the night!!

Lisa Witherspoon @ The Golden Spoons said...

My youngest is about to turn 6 and absolutely cannot imagine having another newborn for many of the same reason you listed here!!

SuperMom Blues said...

Hi! Stopping by from SITS today!
Yep - two was it for me too. I love my babies, don't get me wrong, but I'm not sure I have the strength to deal with another!! Congrats on your new little one, she'll get big before you know it!

Allie Burdick said...

I totally get it and definitely appreciate you being so honest!! I had twins and thought I was going to die the first three months. You do know that everything will be just fine no matter if you breastfeed her to sleep or not, right? This too shall pass and soon you'll be in the glorious stage of no diapers and sleeping through the night. I know when you're in it, it totally sucks but you will reach the end of the tunnel:-)

Leslie said...

Great confessions! I think most breastfeeding mothers have the need/hate relationship with pumping. I know I couldn’t wait to stop pumping once my little one turned a year old!

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