Tuesday, February 25, 2014

In the Fringe

I'm having a bit of a friends issue lately.  I know it's been a while since I've written about my friendships because actually all my ducks have been in a row lately in regards to that sector of my life.  I used to think that we needed to be in constant contact and hanging out all the time, but life and maturity redefined my roles of friendship.  Everyone is busy, everyone has jobs, family, worries, pressures, husbands, boyfriends, fiances, and other friendships that they need to balance.  So friendship became more about keeping our finger on the pulse of each other's life.  Staying in touch and making most of the time we have together.

But lately I've been feeling a little bit disconnected, like I can't quite fit into myself all the way and it's making it difficult for me to fit into my friendships.  I recently went on a girls overnight trip with some friends and I had a blast, but I always felt like I was on the peripherry, on the fringe of things.  Like everyone else got something that I didn't quite get.  Did you ever just get an "off" vibe when you're in a group?  That's how it was.

Then with my core group of friends there was a baby shower and they didn't ask me, my sister, or our other friend to chip in with them.  That kind of stung a bit since we're all friends.  It made me think that it's more like we're two groups of friends...the 5 of them and the 3 of us.  Maybe it's silly, even a bit immature, and I should just pull up my big girl panties, but it kind of bothered me.

I guess all aspects of life go through highs and lows, peaks and valleys.  

Sunday, February 23, 2014

9 Months

Weight: 20lbs 2 ounces

Height: 27 inches

Sleeping Habits: LOL

Eating Habits: We still EBF and she takes bottles of pumped milk when I'm at work.  She eats every 3-4 hours.  She'll take 4-5 ounces in a bottle. She gets breakfast, lunch, and dinner and some snacks.  She loves pancakes, blueberries, bananas, yogurt, chicken, and peas. 

Milestones: Crawling all over the place.  First an army crawl and now a full fledged crawl.  

Best Thing This Month: Valentines Day!  I made a nice candle lit dinner for my two littles.  

Challenges This Month: Loss of energy.  Man oh man this mobility thing is awesome, but exhausting.  She's into everything and needs to explore and investigate everything that crosses her eyesight.   

Looking Forward To:
Saint Patrick's Day.  I love making memories of even the smallest holidays.
Here are some bonus pictures of my sweethearts on Valentines Day.

The favors for Isabella's class party.  I'm sure all the parents loved the gumballs

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

25 Ways To Know You're In Your 30's

1. Growing up, you couldn’t use the phone and the Internet at the same time.

2. You had to use the Encyclopedia Brittanica for all of your school reports. Also, you know what microfiche is.

3. You used to play with Popples.

4. You know what Strawberry Shortcake and Rainbow Bright looked like before they got a makeover to look like a Kardashian.

5. Forget cellphones and text messages, you had beepers and beeper codes — 143!

For the rest of the list visit...

Monday, February 17, 2014

Problems of a Teacher Mom

There's a saying:  "Little kids, little problems.  Big kids, big problems."  Little problems I get, like the logistics of having a baby:  getting packed up, making sure you have like 3 outfit changes, running on very little sleep and so on and so forth.  It's not easy, but it's manageable, especially with all hands on deck.  That's where we're at with the baby.

But there are other problems creeping up with Isabella that I wasn't really prepared for.  She's in full day pre-school now.  She has show-and-tell, circle time, and some sort of show/performance/celebration seemingly every other week.  The only issue is that I'm a teacher.

I can't go to her Christmas show because I have to be with my students for their show.  I can't go to her Thanksgiving feast because I'm hosting one of my own.  I can't go to her Valentines Day party because I can't take off the day before a break.  I can't pick her up from school because I'm dismissing my own students.  I also can't take a day off for every Olympics/book fair/Bazaar because I lost a lot of days on my maternity leave and I need to build back up my sick days for when one (or all) of us actually gets sick.  I've also had to use 2 personal days for snow since NYC Public Schools never, and I mean never, close.

It makes me sad that I have to miss out on all that.  My mom gets to go.  Andy can go half the time.  I hardly ever get to go.  None of the other mothers even know who I am when I take her to birthday parties for classmates.  She'll ask me why I never pick her up from school.  I'm sure I'm not the only working mother, but it still stings.

If I had an office job it might not be such a big deal to leave early or take a vacation day, but as a teacher I don't really have that opportunity.  I have an obligation to be there for my students as well.  I know I wouldn't like it if Isabella's teacher wasn't there for her holiday party.

As she gets older it's getting more difficult to explain to her that "mommy has to work" or that "mommy has to put on a show with her students."  She kind of gets it, but not really.

In one sense being a teacher allows me to spend a ton of time with her since, for the most part, we have all the same breaks and the entire summer together.  But on the other had there is a lot of school related things that I miss out on.  I guess it's just a catch 22 that we'll have to live with.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

A Meltdown for Valentines Day

So what's on your agenda for Valentines Day?  Chocolates?  Flowers?  Jewelry?  A meltdown?  Treat yourself to being a voyeur to 30 epic meltdowns.

Happy Valentines Day!

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

A Comeback

Anyone who says that the first year after having a baby is easy is lying or so deep in denial that you probably should just abandon them to their own devices.  Having a baby is draining and time consuming and frought with sleepless nights and worry, which doesn't leave a ton of time left over for yourself.

Arya will be 9 months old on Friday and I've definitely noticed that I've fallen into the "mom rut" with my appearance.  I rely on ponytails daily.  I almost always jet out the door with nary a scrap of makeup on my face, and it's not because I have a naturally youthful glow or am so well rested that I don't need it, it's often because I'm dead tired in the morning and in the battle of looking like ass or snoozing for 9 minutes, the makeup often loses the fight.  On the weekends I fall back on yoga pants and sweatshirts and I have a draw full of funky, fun accessories that I never wear.  Granted I never really go anyplace cool enough to wear them.

Also...I never go anywhere.

But now that she's getting older I really wanted to make more of an effort to focus on myself, so I can feel good about myself.  I've always enjoyed experimenting and having fun with accessories, hair, and makeup and I'd really like to get back to that, even if it's just a little at a time.

So what am I doing?  Well, for the past month and a half I've been sticking to Weight Watchers, like really sticking even on the weekends and I am glad to say that I've lost close to 7 lbs bringing me down to about 125 which is my pre baby weight.  Yay!  But I'm no where near my pre-baby body, mostly because I was a gym rat when I got pregnant with Arya.  So now I'd like to still lose a few pounds, but I've started working out.

I won't join a gym right now because I'm still nursing so I like to get right home to feed the baby and it's too cold for me to run because I'm a major candy ass about the cold, but I've been doing some interval training at home, some kickboxing videos, enough to make me feel active and wake my muscles up enough until I join the gym in the Spring.  It makes me feel good.  I like it.

I also spruced my hair up a bit.  My sister, Meaghan, is a hair dresser and she gave me some ombre locks.  I love it!  It actually makes me want to do it.

I won't say that I wear makeup everyday because most days the snooze still wins the war, but I am making more of an effort to slap on some blush and a bit of mascara when I can.

Oh, and now that my clothes fit, I'm finding myself dressing cuter and feeling more confident in myself.   It feels good to spend a little time and TLC on myself for a change.

Monday, February 10, 2014

Memories of an Olympian

When I was a little girl my sister and I would spend our summers at my aunt Donna's house in Queens with our two cousins (Nicole and Christie).  I know we were really big time summering in the next borough over, but they had a backyard and a pool which was a lot more than what we had.  So we'd spend a lot of time there.

My cousin Nicole is four years older than me so she was already too cool for school and couldn't be bothered hanging out with us unless it was to do something terribly embarrassing.  So it was pretty much me, my sister Meaghan, and Christie doing ridiculous things.

One of those ridiculous things was pretending to be Olympic ice skaters.

One winter day during the Olympics when we were kids, we went into my aunt's underwear draw and snatched up some of her satin nighties.  I feel like no one was ever supervising us, we kind of just made our own fun.  So we took her nighties and put them on and we used rubber bands to tighten them in the back and we put on our slipperiest socks and ice skated all around the house to Les Miserables.

Picture it, 3 scrawny little girls maybe 8, 6, and 4 in lingerie and socks doing a half-assed triple lutz in the dining room to On My Own.

I hope my girls and their cousins get into it just like we did.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

A Different Kind of Mother

When I think about the mother I was when Isabella was a baby compared to the mother I am with my little Arya it's like I'm talking about two different people.

With Isabella I was desperate for sleep and grappling with the changes that new motherhood brought on.  I was convinced that everything I did was wrong and that I'd never truly enjoy motherhood.  I was a slave to her schedule and would drive myself batty over nap times and meal times and developmental transitions.  I'd read articles about milestones and muscle tone and everything in between.  I'd make sure her day was jam packed with play dates and day trips and crafts and baking.  Every minute was accounted for...not a minute was wasted.

Years of motherhood has mellowed me out.  Years of snotty noses, lost lovies, mismatched socks, long nights, and dried tears.

With Arya I'm a lot more laid back, still type A to a fault, but not quite wound up so tight.  I'm fine with lazy days lounging at home.  I don't obsessively stalk when she's supposed to walk or talk or crawl.  I can see that she's right on track.  I'm still desperate for sleep, but I know it will come eventually.  I know that pretty soon she'll be too big for the jumper and swing and all the other baby stuff that clutters my house.  We don't even bother with baby food...we're all about baby led weaning.  It's a whole other world.

There are some things that are constant, things that are unchanging.  One of them being the worry.  Worry if I'm spending enough time with them.  Worry if they are happy and comfortable.  Worry if Isabella is enjoying school.  Also, the guilt.  I feel guilty for just about everything...a night out with the girls, a weekend away with the hubby, staying late at work to grade papers.  The love doesn't change either.  When I'm super stressed to super laid back, the love is always the same.