Wednesday, February 5, 2014

A Different Kind of Mother

When I think about the mother I was when Isabella was a baby compared to the mother I am with my little Arya it's like I'm talking about two different people.

With Isabella I was desperate for sleep and grappling with the changes that new motherhood brought on.  I was convinced that everything I did was wrong and that I'd never truly enjoy motherhood.  I was a slave to her schedule and would drive myself batty over nap times and meal times and developmental transitions.  I'd read articles about milestones and muscle tone and everything in between.  I'd make sure her day was jam packed with play dates and day trips and crafts and baking.  Every minute was accounted for...not a minute was wasted.

Years of motherhood has mellowed me out.  Years of snotty noses, lost lovies, mismatched socks, long nights, and dried tears.

With Arya I'm a lot more laid back, still type A to a fault, but not quite wound up so tight.  I'm fine with lazy days lounging at home.  I don't obsessively stalk when she's supposed to walk or talk or crawl.  I can see that she's right on track.  I'm still desperate for sleep, but I know it will come eventually.  I know that pretty soon she'll be too big for the jumper and swing and all the other baby stuff that clutters my house.  We don't even bother with baby food...we're all about baby led weaning.  It's a whole other world.

There are some things that are constant, things that are unchanging.  One of them being the worry.  Worry if I'm spending enough time with them.  Worry if they are happy and comfortable.  Worry if Isabella is enjoying school.  Also, the guilt.  I feel guilty for just about everything...a night out with the girls, a weekend away with the hubby, staying late at work to grade papers.  The love doesn't change either.  When I'm super stressed to super laid back, the love is always the same.

7 comments:

Dana Hemelt said...

I can totally relate to this post, Melissa. I was much more laid back with my second, and become more so as the years go on. The worry? I don't think it will ever go away, but I guess that goes with the love.

Sally Duren said...

Isn't it funny how we grow and change? I'm entering a part of my motherhood I'm not enjoying as much because I feel like I'm constantly battling fights between the boys or between Sully and myself. It's exhausting! I'm looking forward to a new era (and the age of five!).

beckyj @ A Lazy Crazy Life said...

I totally get this! While I'm not necessarily type A to a fault like you, I could have written a lot of this post. I do know that I'm enjoying being a lot more laid back about my third, and I know everyone in my house is enjoying the extra patience that has somehow came along with it. :) Maybe it's because I know she's my last, so I'm not trying to rush things as much, and I know now that everything is a phase. Makes it easier to go with the flow a bit more!

Ariel @ Dreams To Do said...

Totally agree! Could have written it myself. :) Motherhood has been so much more enjoyable the second time around. We'll see if #3 has the opposite effect. :)

Midnight Cowgirl said...

Wonderful!

AiringMyDirtyLaundry said...

I completely understand. I was more relaxed with my second. I still worried, mind you, but not as much.

Pary Moppins said...

Every Momma has those same feelings whether you have 1 or 10 children. Those feelings of worry...and of love. :) Your doing a great job.

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