Thursday, March 13, 2014

Let It Go

No this is not another Frozen disection/rant/rave, although I do love to belt me out some Adele Dazeem.  However, I am taking a page from Queen Elsa's book and freeing myself by letting some emotional baggage go.

I tend to be overly sensitive and I internalize a lot and I need to let a lot of that stuff just go.

Take the situation that I recently bemoaned about some of my friends chipping in for a shower gift and not including me, my sister, or our other friend.  No one else was even bothered by it but me.  I love my friends and I'll always be part of their lives, but I need to let it go and accept that I'll never really be in their inner circle, I'll always be on the periphery.  That's just how it is.  They have more history together than I do with them.  They have more access to each other.  It's just the way that things are.

I need to let go of the idea that my house will ever look like anything but a second hand toy shop while my kids are still young.  As long as I can keep it clutter free, I'll have to accept that.

I need to let go and accept that I'll never be a laid back easy, breezy type of person.  I'm type A all the way.  I crave order and structure and routine.  I need organization.  I wish I could be a seat-of-my pants, carefree, free spirit, but I'm just not.  It's not me.  I need to embrace who I really am.  I'm awkward and not exactly what you would call a person that people gravitate to, but when I do make a connection with someone it's a true connection.  That's fine.  I don't need to have the most popular classroom on the floor, I'm happy with the friends I have in my life, even if it's on the periphery.

I'm mean to myself a lot.  I bully myself.  I have a lot of anger inside of me.  I get really frustrated when I'm not in control or when things fall apart.  I need to let that go.  I need to learn to find a way to get right with myself, to love myself, to forgive myself.


Nicole Nenninger said...

You sound a little down in this post...As I've grown, I've noticed the quantity of my friends go down while the quality has gone up. At first, the loss hurt, but I've also realized that you want people in your life who build you up, not put you down--and that includes you! That negative self-talk's gotta go! Life isn't about perfection, it's almost like we were meant to get messy sometimes and just experience life. I think one of your gifts is that once you recognize you might be a little lonely and feel a little rejected, you'll be able to see that in some of your kids at school (from what I remember, you're a teacher?)--what a gift to have someone who believes in you and knows what you're going through. Everyone could use a "friendly witness." All you really need in life is one person who loves you for who you are, accepts you as you are, and believes in you. If you're lucky, you'll have more. My husband has this saying: "You're good enough just as you are. You don't have to do anything or be anything. You're already good enough. You're loved." Okay, I can go on and on, but I thought I'd leave you with this: "You're good enough just as you are."

EstheticGoddess said...

I have always though you only need one good friend. One person who knows you better then anyone. One who you can tell anything to. One who will not judge you no matter what you say. One who no matter how much time has gone by when you talk it seems like no times has pasted. I have known my best friend since before kindergarten and we have this kind of relationship. She is important to me. The older I get the less time I have for the baloney that a group of friends can bring. I want a true friend by my side.

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