Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Frazzled

Did you ever have one of those days?  A day where you are worn out, touched out, overwhelmed and buried up to your ears in "have-to's" and "need-to's" and "shoulds".

Man was today a frazzle dazzle day for me.  I woke up exhausted.  Arya was up for an hour in the middle of the night last night.  No reason.  She nursed.  She cried.  She fussed.  Then Isabella wakes up at 5:45 am screaming "grandma" at the top of her lungs, which of course woke up the baby and got my day off to a grumpy, grouchy, tired start.  I was so aggravated with Isabella for waking up at the ass crack of dawn.  I was definitely short with her for screaming down the hallway too.

Work was fine.  We had our dance festival and then teachers had a clerical half day to do our paper work.  By this time I was practically sliding into a coma, but I got out of work and the sun was shining and I made it home early.  Andy's on a midnight rotation so my mom is here and she watched the girls so I could get my P90X3 workout in early.

After that brief reprieve I just got slammed.  Rushing to get dinner on the table.  Arya whining for me to pick her up.  Isabella begging for snacks.  Arya wanting to be attached to my boob.  My mother asking me 50 million questions.  Trying to get the house picked up.  Getting ready for Isabella's graduation from Pre-K.  Attempting to take a shower.  Trying to wrangle up both kids for baths and bed.

You know when you can feel the feeling of being overwhelmed crashing over you like a wave, threatening to break.  I tried to hold my shit together just until the kids were in bed, but I could definitely hear the terseness in my voice even as I tried to disguise it.

I just wanted to sit in a room by myself with no one talking to me, touching me, crying for me, or needing me to do something.  But I obviously couldn't.  I also know that I'm in desperate need of some alone time, but it's hard.  Andy's been working so much so the time that he's off we try to spend it as a family.  And my mom helps out so much during the week while I'm working that I feel too guilty to ask for a Sunday afternoon to myself and have her watch the kids again.  I know she would do it, but I feel guilty asking her and I feel guilty having her watch the kids again.  If Andy didn't have her watch them so he could work every overtime shift known to man I might be able to, but he doesn't get that.  I don't think he'd give up an overtime shift for a mental health day for me.

Today was just a rough day all around.  Some days are like that.  Some times I know I take on too much.  Worry about too much.  Try to make everything too perfect.  Every once in a while that catches up to me.

The worst part is...I'm hardcore dieting so no wine tonight.  Herbal tea just ain't cutting it!

4 comments:

Elizabeth Lund said...

Isn't that the truth?! We all need a little time, but taking it means facing the guilt we already face! Plus,then the time never seems like enough anyway. Take care of yourself and I hope you have a few better days!

EstheticGoddess said...

Sleep deprivation is the worst! Your day just drags on then. Maybe your hubby or someone can watch the girls and you and mom can go for massages!

Patti Estep said...

It's been a while but seems like yesterday when my kids kept me up. Then you get older and you can't sleep because of hormones. :)
And you still feel guilty and you still worry and you still want to lose weight... Some things never change. Why do we do it??? Maybe one glass of wine...

Ariel @ Dreams To Do said...

Girl, you should at least indulge in a glass of wine after a day like that! If anything, do it for me! :)

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