Tuesday, September 30, 2014

#Awkward

If I could describe myself in one word it would most definitely be AWKWARD.  You might not know it to look at me or if you interacted with me, but inside I am a hot mess of awkward energy.  This becomes abundantly clear when I have to do something outside of my comfort zone...like going to a PTA meeting.

I have terrible social anxiety.  BUT I'm totally willing to put that shit aside if I think pushing my boundaries will help my kids.  So I joined the PTA.  I know right?  So not my thing.  But I did it anyway so I can be involved in her school and know what's going on.  I'm always scared I'm going to get lost or not know where to go or that someone will talk to me and I'll have to keep on the conversation or that no one will talk to me and I'll be sitting there like a big dumb dummy.

It really wasn't that bad.  I was a little awkward, but I pushed through.  I even made a somewhat friend, or at least someone to keep me from looking like a big dumb dummy.


Then I had to go to back to school night alone...curses on Andy's midnight schedule.  It's just hard for me to break into groups where the women already know each other.  Either from growing up together in this neighborhood or having older siblings already in school together.  I didn't grow up here and to say that the women in this neighborhood are very, ummm, different from the women in the neighborhood where I grew up is an understatement.

Back home in Brooklyn, at least when I lived there, were a little more real and down to earth and a lot less materialistic.  We moved here for the neighborhood, but it's just a very different vibe.  Plus a lot of the mothers are much much much older.  Like where you have to kind of scratch your head wondering if they're the kid's mother or grandmother.  Not that there's anything wrong with that I'm just wondering how much we'll have in common.

I'm also pushing my limits by inviting Isabella's classmates to a Halloween party that I'm hosting.  My friends at work nearly crapped their pants when I told them I was doing this because I generally panic at the thought of talking to strangers.  But Isabella is going to be in school with these kids for years, so I want to make sure I'm at least quasi friendly with the moms so she gets invited to play dates and stuff.

Oh the things we do for our kids.

1 comments:

V. Nino said...

I so feel ya! I was very comfortable with my own set of friends that I went to HS with and spent all of my 20's with. Then I moved here to Hawaii two years ago and have befriended, like, two people cause I never knew that I was a bit *shy."

It's a learning process, but I sure do miss having friends.

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